IDA Ultimate Tournament
by Mal Masque
Summary: The IDA Ultimate Tournament, a vicious combat tournament where the winner gets a wish and the loser is killed and revives elsewhere. Four unlikely badasses team up to got to the top, but what vicious foes stand in their way. All we can say is "Long beats the Heart of Steel!" Primarily a No More Heroes, MadWorld, Overlord, and Brutal Legend Crossover. Others to be featured.
1. Prologue: Radio Announcement

_An IDA Story_

 **The IDA Ultimate Tournament**

 _A Story of Four Badasses Aiming for the Top_

"GOOD MORNING BASE PRIME!" Exclaimed a chipper voice over the loudspeakers, hanging on the walls. "It's the Official Report, your go-to-information within the Inter-Dimensional Agency and beyond, featuring your hosts Official Rick,"

"And the always awesome Official Slick!" Cheered another voice, this one slightly gruffer then Rick's. "Today's weather reports include light cloudy layers above the City, slight storms over the Forest, and a SHITLOAD OF BLOOD AND DISMEMBERMENT, HOO-YEAH!"

"Yes, as my obnoxiously loud co-host has stated," Rick said with a sigh. "Today is a momentous day in Base Prime's history, as of twelve o'clock PM today, the IDA Ultimate Tournament commences! For those of you who don't know, the Ultimate Tournament is an extreme fighters combative tournament located in the now sectioned off section of Base Prime, which is now inaccessible to non-combatants and Upper Councilors, in which combatants will viciously battle one another to the death (with the rule that anyone who dies is revived and removed from the roster) to become the Ultimate Champion."

"You got it, Ricky!" Slick said. "And stakes are high this year. Previous tournaments have had the prize being something material, like gold or status or booze."

"That last one was you. I remember." Rick remarked. "Granted, you were disqualified, but still, it was a good call."

"But this new reward is something REALLY special!" Slick continued, ignoring his partner's recollection. "The head honcho himself, Zedekiah Strong, has decided to personally grant a single wish of whoever defeats the Ultimate Champion! I am not tripping here… at least I think I'm not."

"You've got a joint on your desk that you haven't put out." Rick snarkishly commented. "So, probably. But in all honesty, Zedekiah is actually going to grant a single wish to a victorious winner, with absolutely no restrictions or strings attached."

"For instance, you can wish for all the Loa Dust you want or all the bottles of Jack Daniels you want! A dream come true!" A crash sounds in the background. "It's alright, I fell off my chair."

"You're an addict." Rick groaned. "But as grand as this reward is, it does not come without its risk. With the promise of a wish as a reward, numerous deadly fighters have entered the tournament, some Agents and Officials, others from neutral powers, and several members of the Army of Abominations, reluctant Order of Purity representatives, and captive Shard Elitists and minions vying for their freedom. Competition is so thick, you can cut it with a chainsaw!"

"In addition, this is the first time that the Ultimate Tournament has allowed _group factions_ to participate," Slick said. "Causing numerous groups to form complete territories in the newly dubbed Ultimate Arena, ranging in sizes to a small neighborhood to nearly an entire city! All I can say is, thank GOD I'm in this cushy radio booth with an asshole!"

"Can't agree with you anymore, you are an asshole." Rick joked, much to Slick's dismay. "The two of us will be providing full-color commentary on points of interest throughout the entire Tournament, and can be viewed from the massive screens displayed throughout all Base Prime. Once again, this is Official Rick,"

"And Official Slick-ity-doo-dah!"

"Wishing all the competitors good luck, and don't die too quickly out there!"

* * *

 _Author's Note: And now we actually reveal who the IDA really is. For a quick explanation: the IDA, or Inter-Dimensional Agency, is a multi-universal organization dedicated on bringing balance to the Universal Nexus with both light and dark. Located within Base Prime, a large Pocket Dimension wedged between the Universe of Things-That-Fell-Behind-The-Couch and the Realm of Perpetual Sleet, they gather the best, brightest, boldest, and strongest from all universes to help create Universal Stability. Here we have a text-book example of a leisure activity, the Ultimate Tournament._

 _Author's Note 2.0: This is a reader driven story. At the end of specified chapters, you the readers will dictate where the story goes via options posted in the Author's Note section. The votes will be tallied within two weeks of the time the prompt chapter is released, and the winning vote will be the next course of the chapter. Just know that it will influence the story in both good and bad. The choice is yours, readers._


	2. Chapter 1

**Chapter One:** _A Sword, an Axe, a Mace, and a Chainsaw_

Location: Urbania, the Hood Zone

Main Territory of Criminals and Gangster Thugs, constantly contested

Deep within the urban jungle of the now quartered off sector of Base Prime, where vicious men, women, and beast alike fight for dominance, there is a rather sizable neighborhood that was once a residential and business area for Agents, Officials, and Dimensional Travelers alike, now a desolate gangster's paradise, filled with the sounds of gunshots, explosions, and people screaming in pain as their life leaves them. In one such street, a group of thugs wearing purple and white clothing, each bearing the symbol of a purple Fleur Dis Lis, is caught in the middle of a vicious gunfight against several grunts adorning blue and white combat armor, a white sun somewhere on their armor. One of the purple thugs, a young Hispanic teen wearing a purple beanie and white sports jersey, ducked behind cover and pressed a communicator on his ear.

"These Blue Sun bastards won't let up!" The Hispanic teen said, ducking his head as thermal blasts from the futuristic guns of the rival gang shot into the destroyed car barrier. "We need more Saints here before they kick out asses, Pierce!"

"You think you've got it bad, Carlos?" Replied an African American man, Pierce, on the other line. "Shaundi and Gat called earlier, and said Clowns and Fiends are overrunning the other neighborhoods, and nobody's heard from the Boss since the Lin Kuei hit our fourth base. Meanwhile I'm sittin' here tryin' to keep everyone calm while the Monarch's Henchmen bash our doors in!" An explosion rocked Carlos as a grenade went off, killing several Blue Suns and Saints alike and forcibly disconnecting the call.

"We'll have to fall back!" Carlos shouted to the other Saints, watching as more Blue Sun troops began to pour into the street. "Fall back to Base and regroup!" As soon as Carlos issued the order, suddenly all the guns stopped firing on both sides. Curiosity got the better of Carlos, and he poked his head above his cover to see what had diverted everyone's attention. Standing in the middle of the street was a tall man wearing a red jacket, black jeans, sporting some weird spiky black hair, sunglasses, and had some sort of metal cylinder on his hip. The man stuck his hands in his pockets and turned to the Blue Suns, a smirk on his face.

"Did I interrupt something?" The man asked in a snarky tone. "Sorry, but I was hoping you guys could tell me where Lookout Watch is? I've got an important meeting there and…"

"GET THAT IDIOT!" Shouted a fully armored Blue Sun soldier, aiming his rifle at the newcomer. He barely fired off a single round when his gun suddenly was split in half, and the man stood in front of him, the cylinder now sporting a long beam of energy, a technological katana of sorts.

"Well, that was rude." The man said, a scowl on his face. "I kill shitheads like you." Before the Blue Sun could even react, the newcomer swung his beam, and the grunt's head was lopped off his shoulders as a fountain of blood erupted from his stump. Carlos' eyes widened, suddenly realizing who the guy was, he read the reports of a man with a beam katana, a professional assassin.

"That's Travis Touchdown, the No More Hero!" Carlos lightly whispered. He turned to the rest of the Saints, who also seemed unsure about the whole situation. "Let that guy take care of the Suns, he's one of the top Solo Agents!" The Saints obliged, watching as all the Blue Suns turned their guns on Travis, who looked like he was having the time of his life. The armored gangsters quickly panicked, firing their guns at Travis, the assassin barely reacting as he nimbly dodged all the shots. Shifting his legs at speeds nobody, not even the surveillance cameras, could track, as he ran from grunt to grunt, leaving each one sporting fatal injuries, ranging from dismemberment to being completely cleaved in half. One thing's for certain, the cleaning crew was going to have a fun time dealing with this mess. As the last of the Blue Sun fell down, half of him on the other side of the street, Travis turned to face the Saints, completely covered in bloody.

"Alright, WHO'S NEXT?!" Travis shouted, swinging his sword about. A few of the wary Saints began reflexively loading their guns, but the rest immediately directed their focus towards Carlos, who looked scared out of his wits. He knew that Travis would never back down from a challenge, and he knew he had no chance of defeating the No More Hero at all. Sure, the Boss would have his head for this, but staying in the game was goal number one.

"Yeah, not gonna happen, dude." Carlos said, holstering his gun. "You just… do your thing alright? SAINTS, BACK TO BASE!" On command, all the Saints either took off on foot or loaded up on still intact vehicles towards their base. Watching as the last of the purple vehicles vanished from sight, Travis deactivated his beam katana, holstered it, and let off a light-hearted chuckle.

"Gets 'em every time." Travis said. Reaching into his pocket, pulled out an earpiece and placed it on his ear. "Hey, Sylvia, how much closer am I to the rendezvous point?"

"Just head down your street and turn on the third left, Travis." Said the seductive voice of a French woman. "You're going to have to go through a few other gangs, but it shouldn't be any problem for you."

"No problem. Just keep safe and we'll win this by the week's end." Travis said, strolling down the street. Emerging from behind the street just as Travis turned corner was a small, spherical metal robot with a single camera as an eye lightly beeped, none other than one of the IDA Security Cameras, purposed for observing the entire Tournament.

"Ah, now there's a contestant of interest." Said the voice of Rick. "Travis Touchdown, the No More Hero, the Crownless King. From one of the Alternate Earths, Travis was once part of the United Assassin Association, a group of international hitmen and mercenaries that rose through the ranks by killing each other. Travis did this twice."

"Once to get laid by the sexy head of the group, Sylvia Krystel," Slick's voice said. "Which ended with him fighting against his long-lost Irish twin brother, Henry Cooldown, who I am told is also participating in the Tournament. He's just as big of a douche as Travis."

"Just because you lost in arm-wrestling against him doesn't make him a douche." Rick groaned. "The second time Travis was on a quest for vengeance for his murdered best friend. On that journey, Travis not only murdered the head of a Pizza Corporation, but also succeeded in dismantling the UAA for good. Vanishing for a couple years, Travis and Henry both joined the IDA after a skirmish against Agent Handgun of the IDA, and the two quickly rose through the ranks as among the best Solo Agents we've ever seen."

"And what a fighting style that guy has!" Slick exclaimed. "From what you've just seen, Travis Touchdown is a master of the Beam Katana, utilizing two at the same time, on occasion, and looks awesome while doing so! Slicing and dicing, he plows through enemies with the speed of a tiger. Not to mention he has the most kickass motorcycle of all time, looks like something out of a Japanese Anime. Not surprising because Travis is a massive Otaku… It's kinda unhealthy."

"Like your addiction to those cheesy romance novels, eh?" Rick joked, the sound of a slap popped up from the speaker.

"I don't talk about your short comings, mister LARPer." Slick snarled, ending with a laugh as Rick began stuttering. "Nah, I'm just kidding man, but you're still a dork."

* * *

Location: Urbania, the Desolate Zone

Dominated by Wasteland Raiders

If the Hood Zone could be considered a Ghetto area, then the Desolate Zone is a bombed out neighborhood. This place earned its name from the fact nobody lived their due to constant rampaging by the denizens of the Wasteland who had the misfortune of falling through a Rift. Much to the dismay of the IDA and locals, a majority of the occupants were Raiders, specifically the drugged up Fiends, rampant psychopaths with vicious guard dogs that preferred to shoot first, gut second, loot third, then ask questions later. Located in the destroyed ruins of what once was an office building, Saints and Fiends were engaged in a gunfight. While the Saints had superior firepower, more and more Fiends continued to overwhelm the area, making the fight last longer than it should. Ducking behind a crumbling pillar was a dark-skinned woman wearing a black jacket, purple undershirt, her brown hair hanging down behind her shoulders, reloading her rifle.

"Shaundi!" Shouted a chubby white Saint, gaining the woman's attention. "They're coming out of the fucking walls! We can't hold out any- GAH!" A bullet struck the Saint's neck, sending him dead on the ground. Shaundi internally cursed, leaning out from her cover and firing into the crowd of filthy Fiends. There were just way to damn many of them.

"Where the hell is that back-up I called for?!" Shaundi barked, watching another Fiend fall dead, only to have another crawl over his corpse with a miniature chainsaw. As soon as she spoke, something odd sounded against her ears. She turned to the sound's source, on the side of the building… She could have sworn someone was playing a guitar riff. No sooner had the guitar riff ended than a wall exploded near the Fiends, sending the scantily armored thugs flying. "The hell was that?" Shaundi glanced at the explosion, and saw someone emerge from the smoke and rubble. He was a muscular, stout man, with long black hair and a five o'clock shadow. He was wearing a leather jacket and a black t-shirt with the words ' _Succoria'_ emblazoned on the breast, grey jeans, a belt with a menacing skull belt buckle, and a spiked bracelet on his wrist. Strapped to his back was a menacingly large double-headed axe, and in his hands an electric guitar. To Shaundi, the guy either was a Rock Star or a Metal Roadie.

"What's up?" The guy asked in a gruff voice. "Name's Eddie Riggs, I'm a Roadie. And… Apparently you guys are causing trouble. I'm supposed to meet someone at Lookout Watch, but I've got time." The guy, Eddie, played a few very loud notes, forming a loud riff. Then, as soon as he finished, _all the Fiends had their faces melt off._ It was as though the music was so intense, the Fiends couldn't handle it. They all collapsed on the ground, not a single bit of flesh left on their faces. Needless to say, it was disturbing, yet so badass. "You Saints better clear out of here. One of the Fiend leaders might be on your ass for assaulting them. And there are a lot of 'em."

"Thanks." Shaundi said breathlessly. She, along with the rest of the Saints, evacuated the building, leaving Eddie Riggs to tune his guitar. He was definitely going on the people of interest list for the Saints. Eddie chuckled as he hit a fine note, removing a walkie-talkie on his belt.

"Hey, Magnus, I had to take a slight detour." Eddie said. "I'll be at the Watch in about an hour."

"Yeah, hurry dude." Replied a gruff, almost Californian voice. "Gangs keep patrolling the place and I don't feel safe without the others."

"They had to go scout out the Metalworks for threats." Eddie replied, rolling his eyes. "Just keep your little foo-foo diaper on and I'll be there as fast as I can." With a click, Eddie put the walkie-talkie away, and proceeded out of the building, carefully walking over the dead Fiends. And lurking behind him was another IDA Camera Bot.

"Now this is a guy who knows how to fucking ROCK!" Exclaimed Slick's voice over the camera. "Eddie Riggs comes from an Alternate Earth where the very origins of modern society come from HEAVY METAL! Everything about the place is metal, even the trees have EXHAUST PIPES FOR BRANCHES!"

"Eddie Riggs' father, the legendary Riggnarock, went to the future alongside the Demon Emperor Succoria," Rick explained, reciting the Agent's history. "And the two ended up having a child, Eddie. During a concert which nearly lead to his death, a powerful Fire God known as Ormaggoden sent Eddie back in time to the Age of Metal, and ended up leading in a revolutionary war against the Tainted Coil Demons and the infamous Sea of Black Tears. He's a legend of metal in his own right."

"Dude used to be one of the best Roadies in the business before he became the head of the metal militia." Slick said.

"Riggs was selected to join the IDA after a Rift opened up in the Age of Metal," Rick explained. "Which resulted in Steam Golems from Tyria nearly tore the place apart before Ironheade and Agents corrected the situation. He still works with Ironheade, but still finds time to work as a Solo Agent."

"Eddie's got two primary tools of his arsenal," Slick said. "A kickass axe that belonged to his mother, the Demon Succoria known as _the Separator_ , a magically enchanted axe that is fond of taking heads. His other axe, a super-powerful guitar named _Clementine_ , is capable of playing weaponized guitar riffs of varying effects, ranging from melting faces, inspiring allies, and dropping massive flaming lead zeppelins of death upon unsuspecting foes. IT'S AWESOME! Just be glad Dethklok doesn't have that kind of musical power."

"Eddie is also one of the leading members of Ironheade," Rick said. "The Human army of the Age of Metal, and also one of the major factions of the Ultimate Tournament, many of whom appear to be located in the Metalworks area, and consists almost entirely of Metalheads."

"Every Metalhead archetype is in their ranks!" Slick said. "I once dated one of their Razor Girls, their ranged infantry, and it was sweet for a while, but those god damn Hog Riders kept cock-blocking me!"

"Never go up against bassists, my friend." Rick said in a condescending voice. "Especially when women are involved."

"Eh, she was a Seven anyway." Slick said. Suddenly, it sounded as if Slick moved closer to the mic and began whispering. "Hey, if you're listening, Tess, I'm available Friday for a date if you're done with that punk with the mustache, and I'll actually pay this ti-*smack*-GAH!"

"No personal messages on the air, Official Slick!"

* * *

Location: New Super Zone, Urbania Gate

Constantly contested by Gotham Criminals

Created as a haven for superheroes from various universes, especially the ones revered in Earth, the New Super Zone has been constantly built and destroyed not only by the superhuman residents of the universes, but also by the villains and criminal masterminds who followed them. With rise of the Ultimate Tournament, and the promise of wish as a reward, the heroes and villains immediately began racing to the top to some varying degrees of success. In the meantime, the gangs lead by the villains held their ground against other competing factions. In fact, the Clown Prince of Crime, Gotham's own Joker, had a firm hand in domination portions of the area, something the Saints had trouble dealing with when they decided to move out.

On the edge of a bridge leading out of the Zone, thugs wearing clown masks and makeup shot at a group of Saints behind a makeshift blockade, completely overwhelming the purple clothed gang. The Clowns had both numbers and superior firepower, but the Saints had something else on their side: Johnny Gat. Amongst their numbers, the Saints had with them a man with black, crew-cut hair, sunglasses with blue lens, a purple jacket and white undershirt, and a pair of heavy duty SMGs, and he looked as though he was having the time of his life. The self-proclaimed 'Most Dangerous Man in Existence', Johnny Gat may have complained that the Clowns were overwhelming them, but it still meant he got to shoot someone in the face. Granted, after nearly an hour, he was running out of bullets.

"Damn, I wish I took the halo with me." Gat muttered, putting a hole in a Clown's forehead. He had orders to clear the road so the Saints could move on, but Joker's goons were everywhere. One of them, a guy wearing a clown mask and a green hoodie, stood atop a fallen car with a rocket launcher, and aimed it right at Gat.

"Give it up, Saints!" The Clown shouted. "Joker's got strict orders not to let anyone past this bridge, and I'm sure as shit not gonna let that happen!" With rapid movement, the thug fired the launcher, sending a rocket soaring at the Saints. Johnny jumped out of the way, luckily the rocket shot across the road above the purple garbed gang, but it was flying directly towards someone at the edge of the road.

"Get down!" Johnny shouted, but it was too late. Covering his eyes from the explosion, the Clowns began hollering at their apparent kill. However, once the smoke cleared away, everyone's jaws dropped as they saw something extraordinary. The rocket didn't do anything. Walking out of the smoke, as though nothing ever happened, was a gigantic figure adorned in a menacing suit of dark armor. It was a humanoid figure, armored head to toe, a long red cape sweeping over his shoulder, a great helmet obscuring his face in dark shadows, save for two ominous, glowing red eyes. On his left hand was a large gauntlet, a glowing orange gem on the back, emanating with an unnatural energy. In his left, a gigantic, sinister mace. Whoever he was, he was terrifying to say the least.

"Who the hell?" Muttered one of the Saints. The armored man began to stomp forward, craters impacting in the ground as he walked, an evil energy crackling about in the air. He reached the fortifications of the Saints, and shifted his head towards Johnny, as if he were staring into his soul himself.

" **Move.** " He said in a booming, dark voice. Johnny hesitated, but whoever this guy was, he sure knew how to give orders. Almost by instinct, if the Boss himself were commanding them, the Saints backed away from the gigantic menace. As he strode past the barricade, the Clowns hesitantly prepared their weapons.

"H-h-hey!" Said the now terrified Clown that had foolishly blasted him. "Nobody's g-g-getting past us! Joker's orders!" The armored man continued onward. One of the Clowns, either out of fear or spontaneous bravery, took a shot at the armored man. The bullet harmlessly ricocheted off the armor, and struck into the leg of one of the other Clowns. The armored man turned towards the Clown, hate burning in his glowing red eyes, as he raised his glowing gauntlet at the fool. A flaming ball of fire shot from his hand, and roasted not only the offending Clown, but also four others and parts of the fortification. Without a moment's hesitation, he moved further.

"Holy shit." Johnny said, adjusting his sunglasses. The other Clowns began to fearfully fire at the attacker, but the bullets did nothing. In response, he hefted a truck with a single hand and hurled it at the rest of the Clowns, crushing them beneath the weight of the vehicle. Slowly, the armored behemoth slowly reached the Clown that fired a rocket at him, who only whimpered as every round of his pistol went towards his target until it went _click_.

"WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU?!" The Clown screamed. The armored man grabbed the Clown by the neck and hoisted him up into the air, nearly three feet off the ground.

" **Never cross the Overlord, mortal.** " He spoke, and with a twist of his wrist and a satisfying _snap_ , the Clown fell dead upon the ground, his neck completely bent backwards. The Overlord turned towards the Saints, most of whom wore faces of pure terror, except for Johnny, who displayed no emotion, and slung his mace to his hip. " **Know this, stand in my way and you'll face He Who Conquered Hell itself.** " And with that, the Overlord turned and continued walking down the road, leaving the Saints in a state of shock and bewilderment. As the Overlord continued down the empty road, he felt a calling in the back of his mind.

"My lord? My lord, are you there?" Said a disembodied, almost scratchy voice, only the Overlord could hear.

" **Gnarl, of course I can damn well hear you.** " The Overlord said out loud. " **I trust your usage of the faux Tower Heart means you've reached the Lookout Watch?** "

"Yes, I have, your Darkness." Said the voice, Gnarl. "And I've already commenced the search for the Minion Hives. The IDA was clever to hide them across the area to avoid giving you an advantage, but it will prove fruitless when you lead your army of minions and gain title of Champion."

" **Victory will be a delicious taste, my loyal Minion Master.** " The Overlord evilly said. " **I'll be there in a short while, try and keep out of trouble.** " Unbeknownst to the armored evil-doer, hiding behind a street lamp was an IDA Security Bot.

"Oh, now there's a truly evil menace right there." Said the voice of Slick. "The Overlord, a purely evil monster from a land of magic and fantasy, and his lineage is responsible for conquering it and tearing it apart with an army of hideous Minions."

"According to research, the Overlord of his universe is a title given to the most evil of people," Said the voice of Rick. "Either through heritage or just a transfer of power, the Minion Master, currently an old codger named Gnarl, would gift them the Minion Gauntlet, an arcane artifact able to command the hordes of minions or summon inner dark magic. In IDA history, only two Overlords have been properly examined, the one you see here, and his father."

"Evil Armor's daddy, the previous Overlord," Slick said. "Earned his name by slaughtering the Seven Fallen Heroes, including his predecessor who possessed a Wizard, and was banished into Hell, which he conquered in a day by stabbing the Devil in the heart. He's currently sitting on a Throne of Evil, and has been unable to leave, by force or by choice, we're not sure. Needless to say, this guy is horrifying."

"Our currently Overlord, an Agent of the IDA," Rick explained. "Was the son of his father's mistress, a woman named Rose, and rose to power after conquering four separate nations and completely destroying the Glorious Empire, a totalitarian monarchy that destroyed anything they deemed lesser. Needless to say, the Overlord holds mighty power that the IDA desperately needed. He and his army of Minions were recruited by the IDA, and he shares a reluctant seat alongside the Netherworld Overlords. Apparently, demons and humans alike have tried to fight him for his position, and nobody has been victorious."

"I'm telling you, that bastard is terrifying." Slick said. "I accidentally spilled coffee on his cape, and he bent my legs in a way I did not know was actually possible."

"I remember, I saw." Rick shuddered. "I mean, you became a human pretzel for Pete's sake. Anyway, in terms of abilities, the Overlord has incredible amounts of strength and power, able to overpower his enemies in single combat. Wielding a choice of enchanted sword, axe, or mace, the Overlord would demolish his enemies before they could even react. In addition, the Overlord is also a master of magical spells, such as blasts of flame, a magical shield, spells to enhance his own Minions, and his horrific Dark Essence spell."

"I saw him use that once." Slick said, gulping loudly. "It was awful. The spell essentially destroys everything about the victim. First, it erases the memories and spirit of the victim, reducing them into a mindless husk. Then, it corrupts them, turning them into an obedient, loyal slave to the Overlord. And if that guy wanted to go further, it absorbs the very spirit of the person, turning him into nothing but essence for big bad himself. It's scary."

"Speaking of scary, the Overlord's army of Minions attribute much to him as his own spells." Rick continued. "Incubated in Hives, birthed from Life Essence in fallen creatures, the imp-like Minions are the loyal servants to the Overlord, following his every order and command even towards their deaths. The Four different breeds of Minions each serve a different purpose, and have unique colorization to distinguish themselves. Not to mention, they use whatever tools they can get their hands on to fight or protect themselves."

"Brown Minions are the blunt bruisers of Minions," Slick recounted. "They like to smash first and ask questions later. They're also incredibly stupid, but somehow manage to last longer than other Minions. Red Minions are little pyromaniacs, using fire magic to light people on fire. They also are immune to flames themselves, and happen to be pretty obnoxious when I'm trying to take a nap and one of them gives me a goddamn HOT FOOT!"

"Are you sure that's not because you keep your feet propped next to your ashtray and you keep kicking it in your sleep?" Rick snidely asked.

"IT'S THOSE RED PUNKS AND I KNOW IT!" Slick shouted. "Now, Green Minions are sneaky little pricks, they're poison resistant and know how to keep out of sight when they need too. They also smell like fish-guts and really bad aftershave. BLEH!"

"Kinda like you on Friday night."

"Yeah, but when I do it, I've been partying. They pull it off naturally. And lastly we've got the Blue Minions. They've got gills, so they're the only Minions that can swim. Plus, they're experts at healing magic, so they can bring their fallen comrades back from the dead. They're also complete cowards, and can't fight back for shit."

"At the moment, the IDA has taken liberty to scatter the Minion Hives to prevent the Overlord from having an unfair advantage." Rick said.

"How the hell would that be unfair?" Slick loudly asked. "So what if he's got his army? Everyone else has some sort of faction, why's he so different?" A pause. "Wait, let me guess, it's because the higher ups think he'd just let the Minions do all the dirty work for him? So the oh-so-terrifying Overlord doesn't have to break a nail?"

"Uh… Slick?"

"That's it, isn't it? The IDA knows the Overlord would let his Minions kill for him so he can get the wish, am I right?"

"Slick, you might wanna-"

"I'm calling it! The dreaded Overlord is a lazy piece of crap! And ain't nothin' going to get me to say otherwi-"

"SLICK!"

"WHAT?!"

"He's looking directly at the camera." Sure enough, the commotion the two were causing over the Bot's speakers had gained the attraction of the Overlord, and if the burning coals that were his eyes meant anything, he was not at all pleased. With quick movements, the Overlord grabbed the robot, and between his armored hands, crushed the metal orb with the ease of a snowball, and proceeded to walk away. "You and your big mouth."

"… Hold me."

* * *

Location: Urbania, Saint's Forward Base #3

One of the many risks of establishing a base for a faction in the Ultimate Arena is it pretty much paints one big target on your heads. The Saints, however, didn't care, but were regretting it as their purple and white building was being endlessly assaulted by men in yellow and orange butterfly costumes. Such a scenario would be laughable, but the fact that these Henchmen were armed with poison dart guns kind of turned the laughter situation off. Especially since some of them were flying. Leading the attacking group was a stocky built Henchman, wearing a sleeveless body armor, revealing his bulky muscles, and had a five o'clock shadow of a beard, the number 21 imprinted on his shoulder.

"Give it up, Saints!" Shouted 21, a retractable blade unsheathing from his right gauntlet. "The Monarch wants this place, and you street punks just keep getting in the way." One certain Saint, an African American man wearing a white jacket, purple undershirt, and white golfer's cap, stuck his head out the window and simply flipped 21 off.

"Bitch, the Saints ain't goin' nowhere!" The black man shouted. "Especially not to some stupid costumed punks with dart guns!"

"These punks with dart guns are killing more than half your men, Pierce!" 21 responded. "Look, you and I both know there's no negotiating with the Monarch or the Boss, so just back down and we promise not to kill any more of you!" Gunshots rang out, narrowly missing 21, who simply looked bemused. "I guess that's a no, then."

"Say 'hi' to #65 for me on the other side!" Pierce shouted, cocking his pistol. "That bitch owes me money!" The gunfight continued, as more Saints and Henchmen fell to the ground dead, their bodies exploding in digital light as they were reconstructed elsewhere, eliminated from the Tournament. As the bullets and darts shot across the air, a loud engine roaring shot through the air, distracting everyone and temporarily ceasing all violence. "The hell is that? Reinforcements?" An explosion rocked the area as a nearby oil tanker burst into flames, and someone riding a large motorcycle shot through the wreckage, the vehicle crashing into several Henchmen as the rider dropped down.

He was a stout, muscular man, with sleeked back black hair, a grizzled beard along his jawline as a cigarette sat in his mouth. He was wearing a black leather jacket, dark grey jeans, fingerless leather biker gloves, and biker goggles on his forehead. His entire right arm was robotic, connecting to his shoulder, and appeared to be concealing something. On the back of the new arrival's jacket was a picture of a skull and crossbones surrounded by a chain circle, with the bones replaced with wrenches. The man grumbled, pulling the cigarette from his mouth and glanced at the Henchmen.

"Can someone point me in the direction of the Lookout Watch?" The man grumbled in a harsh voice as he dropped his cigarette and stomped it beneath his boot. "I'm in a hurry and I don't want to waste my time killing a bunch of punks." Out of both curiosity (and a little bit of stupidity), 21 stepped forward, cautiously retracting his knife.

"Do you mind?" 21 asked, a little annoyed. "We're kind of in the middle of something." He raised his arm, pointing the knife at the biker. "So, if you don't want to get eliminated, I suggest you get back on your bike before I gut you for killing some of my boys."

"Put that toothpick away, kid." The biker said, hefting his robotic arm. "You don't want anything of what I am now. And besides, that's not an arm-mounted weapon." With a short move of his arm, a fully-active, loudly roaring, _chainsaw_ shot out of his forearm. "This is." 21 stepped back, eyes widening behind his red goggles.

"Holy shit, you're Jack Cayman." 21 said, shocked and frightened. "Not worth it!" He turned to the rest of the Henchmen, who also shared his expression behind their uniforms. "Henchmen, fall back and regroup at the Cocoon! It's not worth it fighting with a DeathWatcher!" Either on foot or on wings, the Henchmen quickly evacuated the area, leaving the Saints some chance at revelry, while Jack Cayman lit himself another cigarette as he looked up at Pierce.

"Now, I'm going to ask again," Jack said, a bit more forcefully. "Which way to the Lookout Watch?"

"Just turn left to get back onto the road," Pierce said, pointing with his gun. "Just keep heading straight and turn right once you reach the Poseidon Gas Station. If you hit the Deus Ex Augmentation Building, you've gone too far." Jack nodded, getting back on his motorcycle, and drove off. Pierce watched the biker with awe, remembering the stories about _him_. What he didn't notice, however, was the IDA Camera Bot floating right next to him.

"Hey, Pierce, smile and wave for the audience back home!" Slick's voice said, startling the black man. "You're on live TV, dude!"

"Slick! We're doing something important here!" Rick's voice objected as Pierce watched the metallic orb hover in front of him. "Get to reading the stuff on Jack Cayman!"

"Fine, I'll do it, you nag!" Slick grumbled. "If there's anyone almost guaranteed to win the Ultimate Tournament, Jack Cayman might damn well be one of the closest. In his universe, Jack Cayman was in pretty much every military branch. Police, marines, Navy SEALS, Special Ops, CIA, FBI, and a rogue agent for the Chasers Guild, Jack's pretty much done it all. His most notable of achievements, however, is his reigning champion status of DeathWatch!"

"DeathWatch is a bloodsport television show," Rick explained. "In which contestants murder each other to rise in the ranks and win the $100,000,000 prize at the top. The show is allegedly run by a terrorist group known as the Organizers, who apparently have gone dark since the most recent DeathWatch game in Varrigan City, which was also the last DeathWatch game Jack competed in."

"Jack fell off the face of the earth after that," Slick said. "Until reemerging as a bounty hunter for the Chasers in the now post-apocalyptic world, kicking ass against mutants and other people who stood in his way. He signed on with the IDA after one of his 'frenemies', the Black Baron (or as he sometimes calls himself, the Blacker Baron), recommended him to us for some jobs. Jack works as a solo agent, but rumors circulate that he still holds ties to the Chasers, a group that has not been favorably looked upon by the IDA."

"Can you blame them?" Rick asked. "I mean, they were harboring a Shard Fugitive, and refused to divulge any information to us for security reasons. I think a Universal Power trying to win a war has higher authority than a government agency."

"Shut up, nobody cares what you think." Slick interrupted. "Anywho, onto the abilities. Jack is a goddamn tank. The dude's so strong, he could get hit by a care and walk away with a damn bruise! If his punches don't do much, the arm-mounted mechanized chainsaw works just as well. He carves through people like trees with that thing, and it's even strong enough to cut through solid steel! Not to mention he's got that sweet ass motorcycle he drives around in. Seriously, if he weren't such a loner, I would totally hang out with him!"

"Maybe he'd like you too," Rick said. "If you didn't smell like a Dispensary and an Ashtray rolled into one."

"Ignoring that!" Slick shouted. "Hey, Pierce, what are your thoughts on Jack Cayman?" The Saint put a hand to his chin, thinking hard about the question.

"That psycho with a chainsaw who just saved our asses?" Pierce thought. "He's definitely going to be one helluva challenge getting to the top, but I think the Boss or Gat could take him."

"With or without that stolen armor you Saints got from the Zin?" Slick asked. "Because I'm surprised we let him actually have that thing, given how powerful it is."

"Hell if I know." Pierce admitted. "Now if this interview is over…" Without warning, Pierce placed the barrel of his gun on the eye of the robot and pulled the trigger, a sizeable hole now inside the slowly dying robot. As the Saint walked away, he could faintly here the voice of Rick complaining about how people keep blowing up the cameras, before the robot exploded.

"And that, Agents and Officials," Slick said, pounding his desk in the radio room. "Was a quick highlight reel of some of the IDA Ultimate Tournament, and boy howdy, am I excited!"

"You and me both, my friend!" Rick laughed. "With such fierce competitors and high stakes, we can only hope for a bloody tournament. Who knows, maybe this year, someone will actually defeat the current Champion?"

"Now that's a sight worth seeing!" Slick said. "Once again, we will be covering on the fly coverage of the Tournament, featuring scenes from various competitors and events alike, for the entire weekly running time! Now, let's all relax with DJ Slick's Musical Moment, and jam out to some good ole fashion ROCK AND ROLL, featuring Guns 'N' Roses!"

 _"Welcome to the jungle we've got fun and games. We got everything you want honey, we know the names! We are the people that can find whatever you may need! If you got the money honey we got your disease…."_

* * *

 _Author's Note: And here we meet the main cast. Travis Touchdown and Sylvia are from_ Suda51's No More Heroes _series. Eddie Riggs and Magnus are from_ Double Fine's Brutal Legends, _the Overlord and Gnarl are from_ The Overlord _series, Jack Cayman is from_ Platinum Game'sMadWorld ( _and_ Anarchy Reigns) _, the Saints are from_ Volition's Saint's Row _series, the Blue Suns are from_ Bioware's Mass Effect _series,_ _the Fiends are from_ Bethesda's Fallout New Vegas _, the Joker's Goons are from_ Marvel's Batman _, and the Monarch's Henchmen and Henchman 21 are from_ Adult Swim's Venture Bros.

 _Rick and Slick are IDA Original Characters_

 _(The ending song is the first few lyrics from the Guns 'N Roses song "Welcome to the Jungle")_


	3. Chapter 2

**Chapter 2:** _A Deal is Struck_

Location: Urbania, Lookout Watch

Within each of the major areas in the Ultimate Arena, there is always a tall building, standing slightly taller than the others. Designed to look like a gigantic silo (if it were made out of bricks and steel), the Lookout Watch serves the purpose of not only being a great viewpoint of the area, it has the designated purpose of being neutral ground for shopkeepers, merchants, repairmen, and other mercantile workers. In addition, if certain users have registered themselves at two different Lookouts, they can enter a magical portal to travel to and from. Sure, you get dizzy from walking through a portal, and there is a hefty fee, but hey, at least there's no traffic!

At the base of Lookout Watch, completely surrounded by elevators to the different floors, four different individuals arrived from the cardinal directions, all arriving at their intended destination. Casually walking from the west, Travis Touchdown whistled a tune he picked up in his travels, gawking at the size of the building.

"I wonder if the architect was compensating for something when he made this." Travis jokingly muttered to himself. He looked towards the doors, and saw a certain someone was waiting for him, a woman. She was a gorgeous, sandy blonde haired woman, wearing a tan jacket, a really short black skirt, and black high heels. The woman saw Travis, and with a smile on her ruby-red lips, waved the assassin over.

"Nice to see you actually showed up, Travis!" Cheerfully greeted the woman, in a light French accent.

"Got sidetracked," Travis said, holding his arms out. "Blue Suns and the Saints, gunfight, killed a whole bunch." He flashed the woman a smile. "Just another day at work, Sylvia." Sylvia giggled, and gave Travis a light peck on the cheek.

"I know, who do you think used to sign your paychecks?" Sylvia said, walking towards the elevator. "Come on, we've got work to do, and there's a map at the top." The two former UAA members entered the elevator, the glass doors closing in front of them with a soft _ding_ as they sped to the top. On the east, the double axe-wielding Eddie Riggs walked up to the building, marveling at the sight and size.

"Man, I need to see if I can make the merch booths bigger than that." Eddie remarked. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his radio. "Hey, Magnus, I'm here, where are you?"

"Waiting by the east door, Eddie." Magnus replied. Eddie looked, and there he stood, a tall, lanky man wearing a sleeveless black Ironheade t-shirt, a sleeveless leather jacket, and a headset. His hair was done up in long dreadlocks, and he was stroking his Manchurian mustache as he saw Eddie arrive. "Glad you could make it." Eddie chuckled and joined his Road Crew Manager (in Eddie's terms, at least) by the door.

"Had to take a slight detour." Eddie admitted. "Kinda saved a bunch of Saints from a few Fiends, so it all worked out."

"Fiends? Dude, you know how nasty those guys get." Magnus warned. "And they've got numbers. Last thing I want is to see you get eaten by Bonehead's dogs because you wanted to help that gang out."

"It's called being a good guy, Magnus." Eddie said, patting his longtime friend on the back. "C'mon, I wanna get a feel for the area." And thus, the two entered the elevator, and steadily began rising to the top. On the southern entrance, the Overlord lumbered out of the alley he stalked, glancing upwards at the massive building, but said nothing about it. His attention was truly at the hunched over figure by the entrance. He was a greyish imp creature, a Minion, with grey tufts of hair sticking out his ears. On his back was a large pauldron, a silky red cape covering his body, and a lantern stuck to the back piece dangled over his head. The old Minion gave a sharp-toothed smile and bowed before his Master.

"Dark tidings to you, Master." Greeted the Minion Master. "I am pleased to see you are alive."

" **Spare me the pleasantries, Gnarl.** " Boomed the Overlord, waving his hand. " **I have found a new foe to crush, the one known as the Joker, and a potential ally in the Saints.** " Gnarl looked as though he were about to vomit at mention of the Saints.

"The street gang? Master, those peasants aren't worth trifling," Gnarl said, tapping the ground with his wooden cane. "They'll just be mere stepping stones on the path to evil glory! Now, we must map out the Arena so to locate the Minions." The two entered the elevator, the Overlord glaring at the futuristic machinery as it closed in front of them. To him, it was witchcraft. And finally, on the north entrance, riding on his incredibly cool looking motorcycle was Jack Cayman, pulling up to a halt in front of the tall building. Locking it to a bike rack, Jack reached into his pocket and opened up a small note that had been delivered to him upon entering the Tournament.

"' _Head to the Urbania Lookout Watch, then meet us at the map room upon commencing the Ultimate Tournament._ '" Jack read. "' _We have an offer for you that you won't refuse. Signed, C._ ' Well, better not keep them waiting…" Jack entered the elevator, lighting a cigarette as the glass doors shut in front of him. The box shot up into the air, the glass door displaying almost all of Urbania to Jack as he steadily rose to the top, old buildings and sights of fires and explosions of the conflict below, to even the sights of a few skirmishes on the streets between competitors. To Jack, it looked like just another DeathWatch. The elevator finally reached the top, opening up into a rather large circular room, surrounded by elevator entrances. In the center of the room is an electronic map, featuring a fully holographic map of Urbania and a few of the surrounding areas of the Ultimate Arena. As soon as Jack stepped off his elevator, three others opened up, revealing Travis, Sylvia, Eddie, Magnus, the Overlord, and Gnarl, all of whom, Jack included, looking surprised. Almost by instinct, the heavily armed competitors drew their weapons and moved their companions aside.

"Oh look, company." Travis said, his beam katana humming faintly. "Sylvia, hold back while I see what the hell is going on."

"Travis, nice to see you again you smug prick." Jack growled, his fists raised in front of him. "Haven't seen you since Nipton, when you abandoned me when the Legion surrounded us."

"How many times do I have to explain it," Travis snarled, reaching to his belt to unclip the other beam katana. "The building was going up in flames and we completed the mission anyway. Not my fault you didn't wise up and jump out when the fires started."

"Whatever personal issues you two have doesn't matter," Eddie said, holding the _Separator_ in his hands. "Especially with tall, dark, and ugly over there."

"It's a black knight, so what?" Travis said.

"Foolish humans!" Gnarl shouted, slamming his cane on the ground. "Before your pitiful selves stands the Overlord, he who has conquered armies, nations, and empires, and rules over legions of Minions with but the wave of his hand!"

" **And I am not pleased at this commotion, to say the least.** " The Overlord boomed, his grip on his mace tightening.

"All I'm here for is to meet someone, and then I'll be gone." Jack said, not taking his eyes of Travis.

"Wait, Travis," Sylvia said, placing a hand on Travis' shoulder. "We were told to meet someone here, remember? We got that note."

"Woah, we were told me meet someone here," Magnus added. "Right Eddie? Someone named 'C'."

"My Master received a request to meet someone also named 'C', as well." Gnarl said, looking surprised. Jack quirked an eyebrow, suddenly noticing a connection. Someone had called forth some of the IDA's greatest Agents together, but for what reason.

"Well, whoever this 'C' is," Jack said, relaxing his guard. "The guy's probably waiting right here."

"And you're right, Mr. Cayman." Said a newcomer's voice, a young man's. Everyone turned towards the shadows, where someone was standing. Stepping out from the shadows, a man wearing a bright orange suit, sunglasses, and fiery red hair, bowed slightly, a cigarette lit in his mouth. "Agent Luke Cinder, IDA Representative of the Chasers."

"Chasers?" Eddie asked, looking at the brightly dressed man with confusion.

"The Government Agency I worked for," Jack clarified. "Who ticked off the IDA because they tried to keep vital information to themselves, resulting in them getting on the Hit List."

"And we apologized for that." Cinder said, tapping his cigarette. "Frequently. Now, as you all know, I was the one who called you here to the Urbania Lookout Watch. Yet, I know you're all wondering the simple question of why."

"I'm thinking of something more along the lines of 'how'." Travis said, glaring at Cinder. "Like, how hard am I going to throw you until you break the safety glass and end up outside the Zone?"

"Hard enough," Jack said. "But let's just cut to the chase, Cinder. Why did you call us?"

Cinder placed his hands together and chuckled. "Simple, I know you four want to win this, and individually, you are among some of the IDA's strongest fighters." He paused, taking a breath from his cigarette. "Which is why you could never win."

"What are you talking about?" Eddie asked, putting his axe away.

"The Rank One Fighter is too powerful to take on alone." Cinder clarified. "In fact, he's so powerful, he openly advertises his location so no matter where anyone is, they can still see and fear him."

"Oh yeah?" Magnus asked, stepping in front of Eddie. "Then where is he? 'Cuz I haven't seen any sign of whoever Number One is." Cinder walked over to the northern-most window and pointed at a large, towering structure.

"He's over there." Travis and Sylvia walked over to the window, seeing Cinder point at a gigantic building, taller than even the Lookout Watch, looming off in the distance.

"What? In that tower?" Travis asked. Cinder laughed, pointing again.

"Look again." Travis obliged, and took a second glance. Now, it appeared to look less like a building, and more like a gigantic seated statue.

"It's a statue?" Travis thought.

"That's him sitting on a throne made from a volcanic rock." Cinder said, a smug grin on his face. Everyone crowded over to the window, and, sure to his description, the statue was actually a fully armored gigantic human being, a massive greatsword between its hands. "What you are looking at is none other than a Kaos, a creation of one of three Gods to overthrow gigantic menaces from its own home universe. No single individual could slay one." Needless to say, everyone, even the Overlord, was speechless, especially when said Kaos lifted its arm up, and with hand the size of house, proceeded to scratch its mammoth-sized head. It would be a miracle to cut that thing, let alone kill it!

"That's impossible." Gnarl softly said. "I've read about the Kaos, their skin is thicker than obsidian, their bones twice as hard. Their weapons are forged by Gods, and they have immense magical power. I apologize, my lord, but the Kaos is even above you in terms of power."

" **I fear that you are right, Gnarl.** " The Overlord said. " **This is truly a Herculean task none can complete**."

"Alone." Cinder said, receiving everyone's attention. "It's impossible to complete _alone_."

"So you keep saying." Jack said in an annoyed tone. "And do you have a point to this aside from taunting us?"

"I do." Cinder said, pacing about the room. "In case you haven't noticed, you are among some of the most talented leaders in the IDA, even if you only serve the title of Agent." He stood before the Overlord, the tall armored man glaring red eyes down at the orange suited man. "You command armies of fearsome Minions, destroyed the Glorious Empire with a harem of four beautiful women, and have the strength to rival that of your father."

"The Minion Hives are no longer in my lord's control." Gnarl objected.

"They can be reclaimed," Cinder said. "If you know where to look." He walked in front of Eddie Riggs, a grin appearing on his face. "Despite your claim in being just a Roadie, you put together a successful army of head bangers, hog riders, metal beasts, bouncers, and what have you to conquer two ancient armies of evil!"

"He's got a point there, Eddie." Magnus said. "You did, kind of, do more stuff than Lars and Lita really did."

"It's called taking a backseat, Magnus." Eddie said with a grunt. "It's what Roadies do, make others look good."

"And while it is a good quality," Cinder interjected. "There's a fine line between humbleness and insecurity." Cinder paused to take a smoke, standing before Jack. "You've done it all, Jack Cayman. Every branch of military, government, freelance, and blood-sport there is, you've always come out on top. Despite you're loner attitude, you have the makings of gathering a great army of people under your command."

"Huh, whatever." Jack said as he lit his own cigarette. Cinder narrowed his eyes, bemused by the reaction.

"Always the quiet type…" Cinder muttered, before finally reaching Travis. "And you, No More Hero, Crownless King. Even though you are an assassin, and often killed those closest to you, there are many who respect your power. A great man once said 'the makings of a true leader aren't when he chooses to fight, but when he knows not to'. You have a following, Mr. Touchdown, and with the lovely Sylvia by your side, you have the makings of your own UAA." Travis smirked, rubbing his chin with his thumb.

"Kinda like my own fan club for killers…" Travis mused. "So long as they aren't like Kimmy Howell, I'm bought." He glanced down at Sylvia. "Where is she anyway?"

"Last I heard, she's formed a duo team with Shinobu." Sylvia admitted.

"Focus, people," Cinder said, snapping his fingers. "I gathered you all together because you four, with your combined powers and might, you could actually form an army to defeat the Kaos and win the Ultimate Tournament!" He left the idea to hang about in the air a bit, watching everyone's reactions. Travis and Jack kept on shooting each other glances, the former of intrigue and the latter of contempt. It would be a miracle to get those two to work together, but it could be done. The Overlord's expression was unreadable, concealed by his shadowy helm, but Cinder could tell he was considering the prospect. Eddie and Magnus kept merely stood there, arms folded as they thought, while Sylvia and Gnarl remained expressionless. Finally, Travis spoke up.

"If Jack's willing to let bygones be bygones," Travis said. "Then you can count Sylvia and me in."

"I am very good at procuring information on higher ranked competitors," Sylvia said, leaning over the map. "Consider me a bit of an info broker."

"Hell, sign me up!" Eddie said, putting out his cigarette. "Once we deal with whatever here in Urbania, I'm sure I can convince Ironheade to join up with us in the Metalworks. And Magnus could work as our eye in the sky."

"No problem, Eddie." Magnus said, putting his hands to his side and putting his chest out with a stupid grin on his face. "I've got your back, man."

" **An alliance could prove to be beneficial.** " The Overlord mused, looking down at Gnarl. " **Once we acquire the rest of the Minions, Gnarl can send as many as I need to succeed. Not to mention it's risky to adventure alone.** "

"Your word is my command, my lord." Gnarl said with a slight bow.

"… Better than doing nothing and getting killed doing something stupid." Jack said with a grunt.

"Perfect! I knew you'd all be on board!" Cinder cheerfully said, clapping his hands together. "With your combined strengths, talents, and abilities, you four can accomplish anything! Now, all that's left is to decide a team name…"

"Headhunters!" Travis announced.

"The Road Crew?" Eddie suggested as Magnus shrugged his shoulders.

" **Men of Menace.** " The Overlord said, ignoring the single woman in the group.

"The Champions!" Travis egged, prodding Sylvia in the shoulder.

"Badass Band?" Eddie continued.

"How about 'Heart of Steel'?" Jack finally suggested. Everyone glanced towards the DeathWatcher, who grumbled as he puffed his cigarette. "Think about it, we're all pretty valiant, and most of us use some form of metal in one way or another. Some figurative," He glanced to Eddie. "Others more literal." He hefted his metal arm. "Just a thought."

"I like it." Cinder said, a giddy smile on his face. "It's got both a metaphorical and literal meaning to it, not to mention it'll sound good on radio." Everyone almost immediately began looking around for one of the Security Cameras, just waiting to be bombarded by the two Official Show Hosts for scoops. "Anyway, henceforth, you seven are hereby known as the _Heart of Steel_ , the IDA's best team of badasses!" The room erupted into cheers from almost all in the room, all conjoined in union at the prospect of winning. "Now," Cinder waved everyone over to the map. "Let's get things planned out."

"First things first," Gnarl said, hopping to try and view the holographic table. "We must located the Minions."

"Exactly, Gnat." Cinder said, tapping on the table's controls.

"Gnarl…" The old Minion growled. A display lit up on the table, displaying the entirety of Urbania, marked in various colors and listing who controls what area, a majority being in a familiar purple.

"Now, one of the first issues is building some force." Cinder said, waving a hand to the display. "By yourselves, you could stand a chance against a bunch of mooks with guns and swords and whatnot, but when a goddamn army comes down on your heads it won't be easy to fight them off."

"So what?" Travis scoffed. "We've all fought armies before and came out fine."

"But did you have backup with you?" Cinder asked, raising an eyebrow. Travis shut up, realizing his point. "Now, lucky for us, especially the Overlord, I have succeeded in locating your Brown Minion Hive."

"Where?" Gnarl exclaimed, dangling from the table's edge. "The Tower Heart hasn't been able to find it, how could you?"

"Never underestimate resources, Gnash." Cinder said, eliciting a growl from the Minion Master. With a gloved hand, Cinder pointed to a large factory building, marking it with a brown circle. "This here is one of the IDA's robotics factories, and my sources have pointed that the Brown Minions are located here. Bad news is that it's under Fiend control, and the Minions are being used as slave labor by one of their leaders, a Chaos Agent named Joe the Render." Cinder pushed several buttons and brought up an image of a dirty, bulky man wearing little to no armor on his battle-scarred chest, hefting a Shisekebab flame blade in one hand.

"I've heard about this guy," Jack said, examining the picture. "Used to be on the IDA's hit list because of how much trouble he was causing, but ended up helping them when the Order of Purity tried to drop a bomb on the Mojave Desert in one of their Cleansing Runs. Signed on as a Chaos Agent and comes around just to kill people."

"And he's one of the Ranked Fighters in the Tournament." Cinder continued. "Killing him would open doors for you guys, both literally and figuratively." Looking at the confused faces around him, Cinder frowned. "This guy leads all the Fiends in Urbania, one of the largest forces in the Tournament. You guys take him down, you can either get the Fiends on your side or stop them all together. Not to mention we'd get the Brown Minions."

"I don't like the idea of working with Fiends." Eddie grumbled. "Those homicidal addicts don't listen to anyone except the guy hitting them up. Not to mention they're heartless monsters that butcher innocents."

"Yeah, I'm with Eddie on this." Travis said, folding his arms. "Raiders in general aren't worth working with. Take their head off and they'll be reduced to nothing. We try and work with them, those psychopaths will try and stab us in the back, just like most Chaos Agents would." He looked to the Overlord with a cheeky grin. "No offense, big guy."

" **It matters not to me,** " The Overlord said. " **So long as the Brown Minions are under my control once more, I could care less with what happens to the Fiends**."

"I say take all the help we can get." Jack said, placing his hands on the table. "If we're ever going to take down the Champion Kaos, we're going to need everyone. I know the Fiends aren't the best of guys, but they're a start."

"Put it to a vote later." Cinder said, waving them off. "You're going to need to hurry before the Brown Minions get worked to death, plus there's the issue of the Saints encroaching on their territory. Here," Cinder reached into his pocket and produced four cybernetic ear-pieces. "I managed to procure these ECHO Communicators, plus some for your plus ones. They'll allow for long range communication, have built-in mapping, plus a chance to listen in on radio broadcasts. Use them well." The four fighters took the ECHO devices and inserted them into their ears (except the Overlord, who simply stuck his to the side of his helmet), as their cohorts did the same. "You know the job: get to the factory, retrieve the Brown Minion Hive, defeat Joe the Render, figure out what to do about the Fiends, come back for cocoa and biscuits."

"Cocoa and biscuits!" Travis exclaimed, throwing his arms up into the air. Once he realized he saw everyone giving him looks, the assassin calmed himself down and regained his calm composure.

"So we're all clear then?" Cinder asked. No response as the Chaser's Agent back towards an open window. "No? Well, I've marked the location of the Fiend's Base on your ECHOs, it's within walking distance due east. Good luck, and win!" Without a word, he dove out of the window, surprising everyone as they ran towards the window.

"I never knew he was suicidal." Jack said, tossing his cigarette to the floor. "No wait, he's fine." As Jack pointed out, Cinder was just fine, and apparently had a jetpack, flying off into the sunset like an orange flying… person thing. With the goal set, the four heavily armed men embarked to an elevator, leaving their aids behind, and set off to face the Fiends. Meanwhile, hiding out the window, a certain robotic camera was witnessing the whole thing.

"Folks, I hope you caught that right here," Rick's voice said. "Because this might be a deciding factor in the entire Tournament."

"The fact that we've got a Chaser amongst us," Slick's voice asked. "Or that four badasses just teamed up and formed a badass team of badassitude?"

"Both!" Rick exclaimed. "With those four working together, they might actually be able to slay the Champion Kaos!"

"Well, best of hope to the newly formed Heart of Steel." Slick said. "We'll be tracking their progress as much as everyone else, and we'll see who will win the IDA Ultimate Tournament. In the meantime, I'm going to have about five stogies, and we'll leave you with some smooth jazz… Rick, will you do the honors?"

"With pleasure." Rick chuckled. "Frank Sinatra or Bing Crosby?"

"Didn't they cover the same song?" Slick asked.

"Then we do that one. This is Rick and Slick, bringing you beats and bloodshed."

' _Blue moon… You saw me standing alone, without a dream in my heart, without a love of my own…'_

* * *

 _Author's Note: The quest begins! And for the record, Agent Cinder is in no way related to the Agent Cinder in Project FREAK…. OR IS HE?! Stay tuned for more._


	4. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3:** Fiendish Intervention

Location: Urbania, Eastern District

Exiting the Lookout Watch, the four heavily armed men stood in the eastern section of Urbania, set to face the Fiends of the Mohave Wasteland, recover the Brown Minions for the Overlord, and gain one step closer to winning the Ultimate Tournament. That is, once a few issues get worked out.

"Alright, here's the deal," Jack said, lighting another cigarette. "At the moment, I don't like any of you. Especially you." He shot an angry glance at Travis, who merely folded his arms and grunted. "We've got mistrust issues, but if we're ever going to go through this plan Cinder has for us, we need to get past them."

"I'm willing to do that." Eddie said, tuning his guitar. "In fact, I've got no problems with you two… It's the Iron Maiden here that's got me on edge."

" **Stay your tongue, whelp!** " The Overlord bellowed, towering over the Roadie with a menacing, red-eyed gaze. " **I have not felled hundreds of men, monsters, dwarves, elves, and halflings just to be mocked by a scruffy Wildman with an axe and a lute!** " One of the strings on Clementine twanged as Eddie's eye shot open.

"Don't you ever call Clementine a fucking lute you gigantic tin can." Eddie growled through clenched teeth. "And another thing, can you knock it off with the damn 'I'm-So-Evil' voice? I can feel it in my crotch."

" **My Voice of Darkness strikes fear in the hearts of mortals!** " The Overlord shouted, arms raised in the air. " **It makes my foes tremble before my malevolent form!** "

"Well, shut it off around us." Travis said. "It'd be hard to focus with you shouting all the time, and this might be the best way to keep things on a more equal level."

"For once, Travis has a point." Jack said, striding to the massive man of evil. "Can you talk normally around us, and then use your evil voice when we fight?" For a few moments, the Overlord sputtered, glancing at his newfound allies with shock and confusion. Upon seeing the looks on the others, he conceded with a loud sigh that sounded more like a metallic hiss.

" **Very well…** " The Overlord said. "How's this?" Travis and Eddie's jaws nearly dropped, while Jack merely raised an eyebrow. Compared to his Voice of Darkness, his normal voice was… actually quite modest. It still had a ring of deepness in it, but he sounded like an older English gentleman without the ominous boom. Granted it was still a bit creepy, it was a much better pace.

"Keep talking, I like where this is going." Travis said, a smirk forming on his face. "Say something else."

"Erm…" The Overlord mumbled, scratching the back of his helm. "Around the rugged rocks, the ragged rascal ran?" Travis began clapping frantically, cheering the large armored man.

"Again! Again!" Travis cheered… Only to be slugged in the shoulder by Jack… With the metal arm. Meaning it sent him spiraling to the floor with a bruise that threatened to be a broken bone.

"Quit acting like a kid, Touchdown." Jack said, spitting his cigarette out. "And we're wasting time. With every moment we waste talking, the Fiends keep working those ugly imps of yours to death and the Render's preparing for someone to take him down." He turned to Eddie, the Roadie once again tuning the guitar. "Eddie, you came in this way. Take point and lead us to the Fiend Base."

"Yes sir, drill sergeant!" Eddie said with a mock salute, followed by a chuckle. Strapping his guitar to his back, Eddie led the others down the streets towards the run-down zone, absolutely brimming with warring factions and competing fighters. Since Eddie was there last, the place was already a warzone between the currently dominating Raiders of the Wasteland, especially the Fiends, and the steadily encroaching Saints. Now it appeared that the Saints gained more grounds, buildings and rubble tagged with their iconic purple Fleur Dis Lis, but the Fiends had acquired better armaments, and continued to push back. To any sane person, this would be about as smart as attending the Annual Bee Convention covered in honey. To the Heart of Steel, this was about as simple as a walk to the store in a battle tank.

On the street that lead directly to the Factory where their target lay, the entire area is one battle between Saints hiding behind rubble and vehicles for defense, shooting with pistols and SMGs, and the Fiends who had somehow managed to get ahold of assault rifles, but still stuck to flimsy knives and pool cues. Meanwhile, the Heart of Steel stands just a few yards away from the crossfire, watching as both sides riddled each other with bullets.

"Yeah, there's no way we're taking the main road." Travis said. "I don't know about you guys, but I don't want to get turned into Swiss cheese day one of the Tournament."

"I'm with you there, Travis." Eddie said, watching as a Fiend Guy's head exploded when introduced to a speeding bullet. "I say we cut through Fiend territory, thin their numbers a bit, and maybe the Saints will give us a hand. I saved one of their leaders on my way to the Watch, so they kind of owe me."

"They're gangsters," Jack said, cracking his neck. "They won't care who saved them, just that we'd get in the way. I don't care which way we go, but I don't trust any of them."

"Jack's right… Which makes me want to wash my mouth out." Travis said, making a mock gagging noise. "Last time I trusted a gangster, my best friend's head was thrown through my window in a paper bag. Whatever way we go, I just want to get to the killing and winning."

" **I will crush any who stand in my way!** " The Overlord boomed, swinging his mace around.

"The voice, Tin Man," Eddie said, tapping the gigantic menace. "We talked about the voice already." The Overlord slumped, grunting to himself.

"It's not easy you know…" The Overlord said. "But as I was saying, I will slaughter whoever comes my way, be it these feeble gangs or those twitching savages."

"Then we're all in favor of sneaking around the Fiends?" Eddie asked, receiving nods from everyone else. "Rock on! Let's get this tour started." The Roadie unsheathed his axe and took off down the nearest side street, followed by the Overlord with his mace, Travis with his blue Beam Katana, and Jack with his chainsaw revving. And slowly stalking behind, and also narrowly avoiding getting shot out of the sky is one of our little radio robots.

"Rick, buddy, I sense an awesome fight between our new badass group and a bunch of druggies incoming." Slick's voice said. "Do you know what this means?"

"A lot of dismemberment, death, and a large cleaning bill to follow?" Rick's voice asked.

"No, you stupid…" Slick grumbled. "It means we got to play kickass fighting music to set the mood!"

"I know that, I'm just messing with you." Rick said. "I'm thinking… Overly Aggressive Rap Music?"

"Perfect! Absolutely perfect!" Slick cheered, clapping. "And I know just the one! Get the engines revving with _Death and Honor_ by Wordsmith!"

' _Bringin' the pain. No remains. Here to reign. (Who want more?) Fight to death. Final breath. I beat cha' best (Break-you-down!)…'_

*Highly Recommending Listening to the Song as you Continue*

Rounding around the corner, the Heart of Steel encountered six poorly-armed Fiends in an alley, clad in scantily made armor and armed with knives and pool cues, all twitching violently as the chems pumped through their systems drove them wild. One of the violent raiders, a filthy man with cornrow hair holding a blunt kitchen knife, caught wind of the four men and started barking orders to his comrades. He barely got four words out before Jack's metallic fist crushed his head into a concrete wall. His other buddies reacted viciously, brandishing junkyard weapons and roaring in vulgar tongues, as they charged to avenge their fallen. Two of them, holding sharpened shovels like spears, sprinted towards Jack as he yanked his fist from the wall, but were quickly intercepted by Travis, his Beam Katana cutting the flimsy weapons in two. The looks of confusion and terror on the Fiend's faces froze once Travis cut right through them, their upper halves falling onto the floor as their lower halves tumbled with them. The remaining three Fiends, two armed with clubs and one with a chipped sword, formed some semblance of a strategy involving running in a straight line and swinging wildly. This strategy proved to be ineffective as the Overlord lazily slammed his mace into the two Fiends with clubs, a satisfying crunching sound reverberating off the walls as their spines bent at a discomforting angle. The remaining Fiend looked on in fear as Eddie walked over to him with a casual smirk on his face, and with his axe, took his head clean off. The four now bloodied warriors took a moment's pause to admire their handiwork before them.

"Wow. That went over really smoothly." Eddie said, kicking the severed head down the alley. "That bit you did, cutting their weapons, was sick, Travis."

"It was nothing," Travis said, waving dismissively. "Wouldn't have gotten the chance if Jack hadn't caught them off guard." Jack merely grunted, examining his metallic and now bloodstained hand.

"*fzzt* Testing, hello? Is this thing working?" Said an oddly familiar voice, coming from nowhere, yet seeming close at the same time. "Hey, guys, it's Agent Cinder! I'm using the ECHOs I gave you to radio in." The four men remembered Cinder giving them those earpieces, but assumed they merely were for location objectives.

Jack pressed a finger to his ECHO on his ear. "Reading you, loud and clear, Cinder."

"Perfect. Now, I just realized that I gave you instructions," Cinder said. "To deal with the Fiends, and all, but there's still the matter of rules now that you've gone on from being a bunch of solo competitors to a group. Let me get the fundamentals straight for you four." Travis immediately caught on, and let off a loud groan.

"Don't tell me you're going all tutorial mode on us, dude." Travis complained. "I get tired of this shit quickly."

"Shut it, Touchdown." Jack said."

"My words exactly, Mr. Cayman." Cinder said. "I don't like doing it either, but I've got obligations in my contract as Official to fulfill. If I don't do it, they take away my privileges to the executive washroom and a personal room at Hotel Nebula. So quit your bitching and let's get to learning. Oh, and you're associates will be assisting me."

"Hey, Eddie! This ECHO thing is awesome!" Magnus' voice echoed on the communicator. "It's got maps, a to-do list, health monitor, inventory, and a built in radio!"

"Yes… Thank you for your input, smelly man." Sylvia's voice muttered.

"Can we get on with it?!" Cinder snapped. Everyone suddenly went quiet. "Thank you. Now, standard rules for Solo Competitors are pretty much kill or be killed, as well as free access to different zones. However, this is different for Teams."

"Wait, does this mean we're stuck here?" Eddie asked. "So that means I'm cut off from the rest of Ironheade…"

"Unfortunately, this is true." Cinder said without a hint of remorse. "Until you've proven yourselves strong enough to conquer your current zone, you cannot move to the other areas. That being, until we get complete domination of Urbania, be it peacefully or through bloodshed, we can't leave."

" **Easier said than done, Cinder.** " The Overlord boomed, quickly realizing he went into his evil voice before correcting himself. "*cough* So what of the methods for getting us access."

"Why, it's quite simple, my liege." Gnarl's voice said over the ECHO. "It all revolves around the Ranked Champion."

"Precisely, Gnarl!" Cinder applauded. "There are a total of three types of people competing in the Tournament who fight in Factions: The Fighters, who pretty much are the mooks and thugs who get in the way."

"Like these six shit-heads who got in our way." Travis added.

"Next are the Ranked Fighters, who lead a majority of a certain Faction and hold a major position in the Tournament," Cinder continued. "Such as that dumbass Joe you're going to deal with. But lastly are the Ranked Champions. Those are the guys who pretty much hold the cards in the area, and what they say goes. Granted, they get that way for being the best of the best, and having more than enough blood on their hands."

"So what you're saying is…" Jack mused, rubbing his chin. "We deal with the Ranked Champion of Urbania, we get ourselves out of here?"

"Plus the support of whoever survives in the turf war." Cinder said. "Granted, it won't be easy, because most Ranked Champions tend to stick to the shadows until they feel threatened, or someone's worthy of their time."

Eddie snapped his fingers, dropping his cigarette by accident. "I get it! We cause enough trouble here in Urbania, starting with the Fiends, then we draw the Ranked Champion out of hiding! It's both fun, _and_ it gets the job done." Eddie chuckled. "Good plan. I like it."

"Knew you would, otherwise I'd have you killed." The line suddenly went silence. "Joke, it… it was a joke." Someone coughed, making the situation even more awkward. "This just got weird."

"Then… are we done?" Jack asked. "Because we've got a shitload of Fiends to mow through, and we don't have the time for this nonsense." Cinder merely muttered to himself and closed the channel. With no further distractions, the Heart of Steel continued onwards into the Fiend infested area, preparing for whatever was thrown at them.


	5. Chapter 4

Chapter Four: Rats and Runners

 **Location: Urbania**

 **Eastern Zone, Scav Row**

Within the now decimated ruins of a market street, vandals and Fiends ran amok, over and under ruined stalls, cars, and other rubble caused by the ensuing violence of the Tournament. Glass and broken stones litter the floors, oil spills and bloody reminders of conflicts past mixed to create a dull reddish stain. The only things that miraculously survived the destruction were the various speakers attached to differing surfaces, including walls, lamp posts, and other solid grounds, each one fizzling to life as the news poured in.

"Ah, here we are in Urbania's Scav Row," Said the optimistic voice of Rick over the radio. "A common market place in the Eastern Zone, Scav Row caters to construction supplies, low-quality arms and armor, several bits and bobs store…" His voice trailed off slightly. "Commonly known for having several constantly emptied dumpsters…"

"Where do you think the merchants get their merchandise, dummy?" Slick's voice retorted, sounding slightly miffed and a little bit exhausted. "It's called _Scav Row_ for a reason! Scavengers and looters constantly scour this neighborhood for tools and shit in this god damn ruin. Truth be told…" Slick started coughing a bit. "It looks better after the Fiends set up shop."

"Put the blunt out when we're recording, you junkie." Rick snarled. "And speaking of shop, for anyone interested in buying goods and supplies for this incredibly long Tournament, which we will continue to broadcast 24/7, visit the Inconvenience Store located near what's left of the Drunken Rat bar."

"Ah, the Inconvenience Store," Slick said in a cheerful daze. "Always has whatever you can't give a crap about, never what you desperately need. Still remains open, because of reasons."

"Anyway, here's some music for you all to relax and fight to, with _Lover's Wreck_ by Gaelic-"

 ***BLAM***

Before the broadcast could continue, a bullet rang out, tearing a chunk of the speaker up, several more following. This gunfight, however, wasn't the result of someone hating transmitted signals and needing to release pent up anger. The real source was from pure panic as four dangerously armed men tore through Fiends with relative ease. Mostly because of fireball magic and a chainsaw. The chainsaw did a good job.

"RUN FOR YOUR LIVES!" Shouted a dirty Fiend, tossing his now empty pistol aside as the rest of his cohorts were reduced to red stains or were found in pieces. Out of the initial attack squad of fifteen, only three survived (well, two and a half, because one guy crawled away with both his legs reduced to messy stumps due to Eddie's axe) and bolted down an alley, their dignity most likely dribbling between their legs.

After their little conversation with Agent Cinder, the boys in the Heart of Steel made their way towards a more open area, coming across Scav Row in hopes of gathering their bearings. Then they found the Fiends congregating over another victory against the Saints, so blasted on Psycho and Med-X that they thought they could easily take down four guys, one encased in armor and the other with a metal arm, and came at them with guns, knives, and what have you. The result was rather… embarrassing.

"I think I got a little brain on my shoe…" Travis muttered as he examined his foot, having a noticeable stain on the heel from an earlier roundhouse kick to the skull of a Fiend girl, the corpse currently stuck inside the broken window of a shop that advertised Quills and Sofas.

"Just scrape your shoe or something," Eddie shouted, stepping over the twitching cadavers of five Fiends who still had 4,000 volts running through them. "Hey, Overlord, you've got a little something on your helmet."

" **I'm fully aware**." The Overlord boomed, dusting his armor off of bone fragments, refusing to acknowledge the bleeding heart gored to one of the spikes on his helmet. " **Intimidation factor**." Jack grumbled to himself as he examined the destroyed speaker while his associates rested from their random encounter.

"You guys heard what they said on the radio, right?" Jack asked. "About the shop still open?" Three sounds of agreement followed. "Well, the Inconvenience Store is just a little ways away. They might have some interesting stuff for us."

"Are we seriously trusting a store that has the word _Inconvenience_ in the name?" Travis asked, skeptically. "What the hell would they have that we'd need?"

"You never know, Travis." Eddie said, joining Jack. "Let's head out." Without another word, the four men continued down the destroyed street, not a Fiend in sight. It could be attributed either to the conflict with the Saints further in, or that the violent drug addicts finally wised up and gave the four their space. Two blocks down, Heart of Steel finally reached the advertised building on the radio, the Inconvenience Store, an average style mart with a flickering sign of the store's name above the set of boarded up double doors. It looked like an average store, ignoring the crude graffiti painted all over by Saints and Fiends and the oddly strong scent of cheese. The doors and windows were boarded up, so it seemed difficult to know if anyone was truly inside. So, Travis did the only logical thing at the time: knock.

"BEAT IT!" Shouted a nasally New York voice from within the store. "I'm not selling any chems for you twitching freaks, so GET STUFFED!" Travis slightly reeled back, a startled look on his face.

"Not the best sales guy isn't he?" Travis asked before knocking again. "Look, we're not Fiends, okay? We just want to do business."

"Oh, you're not one of those crazy kooks?" The voice said. "Hang on a moment, I'll open the door and we can discuss things business wise." A rapid clicking on locks and sliding tumblers popped from behind the door, and the door slowly opened. The four men were surprised to see the door opening to a room filled with various labeled crates, but completely empty. "Down here, dimwits." Glancing down, the men saw a gray rat standing on his hind legs, wearing a cabby hat, tiny arms folded across his chest.

"You're… a rat." Eddie pointed out, staring in disbelief.

"Yeah, and that guy's got a heart stabbed on his head." The rat said, pointed to the Overlord. "That ain't exactly attractive." Grumbling, the Overlord removed the bloody organ from his helmet and tossed it away. "Anyway, the name's Jimmy Two-Teeth, scavenger and salesman of what have you. What can I get for yous today?"

"Well… We kinda just need something to get us moving in the area." Eddie said, rubbing the back of his head. "A map, food, maybe some protection."

"Standard supplies, eh?" Jimmy said, scratching his chin. "Well, I got plenty of those, plus a few of my Skin-Body associates managed to get ahold of a few… slightly off the grid items."

"Off the grid?" Jack asked, stepping forward. "Are you selling contraband?"

"I would be, but something's getting in my way." Jimmy complained, tapping his foot. "I've got some competition further in, some arms dealers who call themselves the Gun Runners."

"I've heard of 'em." Travis said, tucking his hands into the pockets of his red jacket. "Based out in the Mojave Wasteland, they make most of the guns and bullets in the New Vegas area. Makes sense they'd set up shop here in Fiend Central."

"They're selling guns and armor for bottle caps!" Jimmy exclaimed, throwing his arms up in the air. "And it's putting me out of business." The rat paused, rubbing a finger beneath his nose. "Say, you guys look like the kind of muscle that could help me out… How would you like to make a business deal?"

"Let me guess…" Travis groaned, folding his arms. "You want us to put the hurt on the Gun Runners, and we get free stuff in return? An errand boy quest."

"Close, but no cigar, Otaku guy." Jimmy said. "I want you to swipe their goods from a nearby factory where they deal with the Fiends, then bring 'em back to me so I can put the Gun Runners out of business." Jimmy quickly ran back inside, then returned, pushing a bulging military backpack out the door. "I'll give you the food and maps for free right now, plus a little something extra once the job is done, capice?" The four men pondered the rodent's offer, but were unsure whether or not to take it. As their thoughts continued, a crackling in their ECHO communicators diverted their train of thought.

"Take the offer," Urged the voice of Agent Cinder. "You've just been offered a Sponsorship Deal. Those are vital to building our army to take down the Champion Kaos."

"A Sponsorship Deal?" Eddie repeated, slightly confused. "Like they'll provide merchandise for us, or something?" On the other end of the communicator, it sounded as though someone's hand slapped their own face.

"Think for a moment, Mr. Riggs." Cinder groaned. "Sponsorship Deals were introduced for groups in the Tournaments as a form of providing strength and support. Take Mr. Two-Teeth here," The four men glanced at the rat, who was busy going through an official looking checklist. "He may not look it, but he leads the Skin-Bodies, some of the best scavengers and fencers to be hired by the IDA. Since they're all rats, they can get into places most can't, and are capable of getting mildly important goods, like food, medicine, and a few weapons. I'd highly recommend taking the offer and see where it goes." The line went silent, leaving the members of Heart of Steel to consider their self-proclaimed instructor's words. They held merit to them, and it was possible this could pay off in the long run. Plus, free food and a map, to boot.

Jack got down on one knee, holding his metal arm out in a handshake. "You got yourself a deal, Jimmy." The rat gave a little squeak, and vigorously shook the DeathWatcher's hand… as much as a foot-long rat could.

"Oh man! Those Gun Runners ain't gonna know what hit 'em!" Jimmy exclaimed. Releasing his grip, Jimmy crawled into the bag and pulled out a small microchip, placing it in Jack's hand. "These chips will give ya a complete map of the area on your ECHOs, just plug 'em in and you're good." The men did as obliged, watching as a notification pinged on their HUD for their maps. "I've already marked where the Factory where the Gun Runners have their goods stored. Just find the box that has a crap-load of guns and bring it back here. Now, SCRAM!" Jimmy ran back inside the store, slamming the door shut with a series of locks clicking in short following. The Overlord picked up the backpack and slung it around his back, careful not to let his sharp armor tear into the contents within.

"Shall we then?" The Overlord said, striding towards the location on their map. Watching the black armored giant walk away, the three other men shrugged their shoulders and followed, unaware of the hidden eyes amongst the rubble.

* * *

 **Location: Fiend's Factory, Urbania**

Fortunately for the men of the Heart of Steel, the Factory, an old production factory lacking a name or sign of identification, was relatively close to the Inconvenience Store where Jimmy Two-Teeth set up, and even had a large unlocked door at the front. Unfortunately, the place was under heavy guard by Fiends, ravenous Guard Dogs, and a pair of active RobCo turrets. Clearly this was a Gun Runner stronghold that nobody could get into… Unless you were the Heart of Steel.

Jack leaned over a hunk of fallen rubble, carefully observing the guards through his enhanced biker goggles, assessing the situation in detail, while his allies prepared themselves under cover. Jack grunted to himself, noticing that most, if not all, of the Fiends were armed with hunting rifles and submachine guns, compared to the other raiders they encountered so far.

"They're organized…" Jack muttered. "The Gun Runners must be supplying them. How else could they have the arms and defenses?"

"That's obvious." Travis joked, fiddling with his beam katana. "Why else would they be fucking guarding a Gun Runner storage?"

"Shut it, Touchdown." Jack snapped before returning to lookout. "We've got five on the second floor, makeshift catwalk along the windows, armed with SMGs and rifles, wearing standard raider getup." He glanced at the ground level, watching a pair of Fiends playing cards. "Seven on the ground below, two are distracted but have shotguns near them, the rest have SMGs and a few pistols." The sound of two dogs barking directed his attention towards a pair of flea-bitten mutts, scraggly and missing patches of fur, fighting over of leftover meat. "Guard dogs everywhere, I've counted eleven alone, and there's probably more inside."

"Could be rabid," Eddie suggested. "Most Wasteland dogs are, and the Fiend Hounds probably aren't an exception."

"Got that right." Jack agreed, looking at the real problem at hand. "Those turrets are equipped with high powered lasers and rapidly rotating barrels… They'll fry us in seconds…."

" **Then we destroy them!** " The Overlord boomed, clenching a fist. " **Get me in the right location, and a fireball can demolish those defenses to scrap metal!** " Just as Jack was about to berate the Overlord for using his 'evil voice', he realized the idea was actually pretty sound. Another quick scan of the area showed plenty of vantage points for the Overlord to take out the turrets, all they needed to do was get him in close enough. Retreating behind cover, Jack gained his allies attention and began planning.

"Alright, here's what we're going to do:" Jack explained, making gestures with his hands. "Travis, you're going to try and get as much attention as possible from the Fiends and draw them away." A scowl appeared on the assassin's face as he folded his arms. "You're fast and light on their feet, I've seen you dodge bullets before. A couple of addicts and dogs won't be a huge problem for you."

"Hmmph, fair enough." Travis said, his scowl turning into a smirk.

"Eddie, you and I are going to see if we can sneak around the rest and get the Overlord to a vantage point to take those turrets down," Jack continued, addressing the roadie. "And pray that the guards on the second floor don't spot us."

"I can take 'em out easy." Eddie said with a shrug. "I'd just fly around and knock 'em off their perches." The three members blinked in both confusion and disbelief. Mostly confusion.

"You can fly?" Travis asked, Eddie nodded in response. "How?"

"I've got Demon Blood, dude." Eddie said, jabbing at his chest with his thumb. "Gives me wings and makes me stronger. Here, watch." The roadie steadily rose to his feet, hunched over to keep himself behind cover. After a series of painful grunts (which Travis managed to withhold numerous shitting jokes, much to his and Jack's amusement), Eddie's skin darkened a red color, his eyes turned yellow, and a pair of large brown batwings shot from his back, a wingspan of about five feet in length. "That hurts like a bitch every time." Eddie sat back down, his wings folding behind his back, a pained smirk on his face, while his cohorts could just stare at the horrific marvel before them.

"Huh." Was all that Travis could say.

"That'll work, then." Jack said, rubbing the scruff of his jawline. "Eddie, just start getting the Fiends above. Be creative. I'll escort the Overlord and keep him safe. We do this, get into the factory, get the shit for Jimmy, then double-time it to where the Fiend's leader is."

"Go team!" Travis exclaimed, jumping up and immediately bolting from cover. Jack grumbled to himself, furrowing his brow as the plan began too early. The No More Hero ran just barely out of range of the turrets, and with a loud whistle, gained the attention of almost all the Fiends and their dogs. "Hey! There's a discount at the rehab clinic for all fucking psychopaths who apply in the next four seconds!"

"Get that idiot!" One Fiend shouted, aiming his rifle. Travis almost immediately regret being the bait for this mission as several bullets began flying his way, rolling out of the way and taking cover behind an overturned car. This proved very helpful in the end, because his new position lead him near a cache of chemicals the Fiends were known for using. Grabbing the box, jingling with Med-X syringes and Jet inhalers, Travis was brave enough to lift the contents above his head and pop up from his cover like a gopher.

"Don't you dumbasses know what this shit does to your bodies?!" Travis shouted. "I mean, I don't, but I'm sure you all do!" He could practically hear the sound of Jack face palming at that. The Fiends were enraged, barking orders and sending several of their own, along with their dogs, to kill Travis as he ran down the street. Step one was complete, and on to step two.

With a mighty flap of his wings, Eddie took off into the skies, axe at the ready as he scanned for his targets. As Jack predicted, most of the Fiends on the ground took off after Travis, leaving the few on the catwalks and the turrets, still alert for most anything to come their way. Except for a flying roadie with an axe. A smirk on his face and a steely gaze, Eddie dove from the skies, dive bombing towards the nearest Fiend, a dirty man with dreadlocks shakily holding a hunting rifle in his grasp, arms extended to give the man the scare of his lifetime. A rush of wind and a heavy thud, the Fiend suddenly found himself no longer on the ground, but several feet in the air and in the burly arms of Eddie Riggs. Dropping his rifle with a shocked yelp, the Fiend began to frantically struggle to break free of his captor's grasp.

"Put me down! Put me down!" The Fiend screamed, pounding on Eddie's arms like a child having a tantrum. "I'm terrified of heights!" A malicious idea entered Eddie's mind, a grin mirroring his thoughts.

"You want down, huh?" Eddie asked as the Fiend continued shouting. "As you wish." And thus, Eddie released the Fiend from his confines… five stories in the air. The Fiend dropped like a rock, flailing his arms and screaming all the way down, landing with a loud thud and crack atop a closed dumpster, bent in ways that bones should not bend. For a moment, Eddie felt a little guilty at dropping that guy, but he knew he wouldn't really be dead, just eliminated from the Tournament. Still, it felt good to do.

"Shit," Eddie muttered, shaking his head. "The Overlord's rubbing off on me." Another rush of the wind, and Jack saw a black and reddish blur fly pass the scaffolding on the factory, more and more Fiends vanishing and winding up splatters on the floor, with the exception of one. "Hey, Jack! Head's up!" The DeathWatcher looked up and saw that Eddie had tossed one of his targets at him, practically like a bullet. Feeling on providing some show for the viewers, Jack flexed his mechanical arm, his chainsaw retracting with a roaring buzz, bracing himself for the impending Fiend. Just as the bloodshot eyes of the Fiend were in sight, Jack raised his chainsaw arm above his head, and time seemed to slow down as he angled the blade between his face and the oncoming Fiend. The Overlord, now climbing around the fire escape stairs of the building, was treated to the sight of two bloody halves of a Fiend lying on either side of Jack Cayman, his chainsaw buzzing and stained with blood.

" **Well now.** " The Overlord mused, looking as Jack turned about, revealing he was absolutely covered in blood. " **Quite a display, shame I missed it.** " The two continued upwards, watching on the sides as Travis and Eddie both did their parts before finally getting into position on the rooftops. If Jack's hunch was correct, they were just outside the range of the two turrets, but close enough for the Overlord to get a good hit on them. That being, the Overlord wasted no time in doing so, conjuring a blast of flame in his hand and tossing it at the mechanical turrets, both exploding in a flash of sparks and burning metal. " **We're done here.** " Without so much as a second thought, the Overlord walked straight off the building and landed with a thud on the ground, while Jack took the stairs again.

With the Fiends evaded, the guards neutralized, and the turrets disabled, the members of Heart of Steel regrouped at the front of the Factory, where the Gun Runners and Fiends stored a multitude of weapons and the gear Jimmy Two-Teeth wanted. Travis was nearly out of breath, but the Fiends and their dogs were successfully distracted, while Eddie stretched out his slightly eerie wings as Jack and the Overlord rejoined them. The No More Hero walked over to the DeathWatcher, and pressed his finger on the bare chest of his partner.

"Next time…" Travis gasped. "You're the bait…" Eddie chuckled as Jack shoved Travis onto the ground, the latter so exhausted he didn't want to get up.

"Alright, let's get this shit that rat wants and get out." Jack said, folding his arms. Once Travis regained stamina, he and the rest of the men walked towards the massive door to the factory, but were caught off guard when the doors suddenly opened. From within, they could hear the distinct barking of dogs, and someone clicking their gun. Emerging from the interior was a new foe, a **massive** brick of a man, standing taller than even the Overlord, rippling with dirty and scarred muscles all over his body, his bare chest bearing a crude tattoo of a broken skull. Atop his head was a literal skull helmet, obscuring everything on his face except for his bloodshot eyes and vicious scowl. Oddly, the only clothes he was wearing were some oddly intricate leg armor and boots, that seemed to not belong with the Fiend set. In one hand, he held a gigantic minigun, damaged and splattered in bloody. In the other, he grasped a set of three chains that led to three slobbering and vicious looking Rottweilers, shaved in various spots and barking in a vicious tone. The large Fiend looked at the four men with an angry gaze in his eyes, hefting his gun to aim.

"Fresh meat for my dogs, eh?" The Fiend growled with a chuckle. "Heh, EAT UP, PUPS!"

 _ **NEW OPPONENT!**_

 _ **Bonehead and his Dogs, Ceris, Bohr, and Reese**_

"And here's the dread Bonehead," The voice of Rick said through one of the conveniently placed speakers. "Pack Master of the IDA Fiends, and a dread menace to truly be reckoned with."

"And as a bonus," Slick's voice said. "We've got someone from the Wasteland who will give us some info on that big bastard. From the radiated wonderland that was once the United States of America, home to mutants, murderers, and monsters, please welcome to the show… Mr. New Vegas!"

"Ahem, wrong radio guy." Said an African American sounding man. "Mr. New Vegas didn't get the invited. I did."

"Right… Sorry, take two." Slick said, clearing his throat. "From the radiated blah blabby blah, please welcome Three Dog!" The three radio hosts then howled like dogs before erupting into laughter.

"Perfect harmony, guys." Three Dog laughed. "Anyway, folks, this is Three Dog of Galaxy News Radio from the Capital Wasteland! While I'm not exactly from the Mojave Wasteland, I still get around, and do I know my shit, children."

"So, give us the info on Mr. Bonehead and his dogs, Three Dog." Rick said. "If you could."

"I could, I can, and I will." Three Dog said. "Bonehead here is one of the Fiend Pack Masters, those chem addicts who train their dogs by pumping them full of chems too. Granted, this big bastard's something special. He's so jacked up on Med-X, Psycho, and Jet, it's physically altered his body into becoming a mega-fucker with a pebble-sized brain. His three dogs, Ceris, Bohr, and Reese were pretty much given the same shit, but it just made them meaner and nastier. That gun of his is loaded with Hollow-Point Bullets, and he's no slouch with it either. All I'm gonna say is good luck killing that ugly bastard, and keep fightin' the good fight."

* * *

 _Author's Note: And thus, we reach out first Mini-Boss... in which we actually fight them in the next chapter. Anyway, voice your thoughts on a sponsorship with the rat, Jimmy Two-Teeth from Telltale Games'_ Sam & Max: Freelance Police _Franchise, and other oncoming thoughts in the reviews below._


	6. Chapter 5

_(Author's Note: From this point forward, characters will be introduced in bold font and a title accompanying it. All commentary by the radio hosts will be viewed in italics font, script style)_

* * *

Chapter Five: Bonehead

The four members of the Heart of Steel, Jack, Travis, Eddie, and the Overlord, stood armed and ready as the hulking behemoth of a Fiend steadily raised his gun, his four vicious dogs snarling and barking as they shook their chains. Bonehead shifted beneath his skull helmet, his face obscuring all emotion, watching with anticipation as tension grew. Jack stood at the head of the group, fists raised and a stone faced look. Travis flanked his left, the beam katana in his hands glowing a bright red as he took an offensive position, the normally cocky smirk on his face replaced with the steely gaze of a hardened killer. Eddie stood to the right, the _Separator_ held in his right hand, his leathery red wings giving a short flap. Behind them stood tall and terrible the Overlord, his red eyes peering behind his demonic helmet as his grip tightened around his blood-caked mace. Tension was high, and with no sound but the dogs barking, all it took was one move to set chaos amok.

 _ **HEART OF STEEL VS. FIEND BONEHEAD**_

 _ **FIGHT!**_

 _(Slick: The fight is on! Quick! We need awesome music for the setting!)_

 _(Rick: Three Dog, check that drawer for any fitting music.)_

 _(Three Dog: This one looks promising. "Bad to the Bone", eh?)_

 _(Slick: PERFECT! Let's rock!) *recommended music is_ Bad to the Bone _by George Thorogood*_

The gargantuan Fiend unleashed an animalistic roar, dropping his equally massive gun towards his targets and dropping his dogs' chains. The snarling beasts bounded towards the four men, but the instant they drew near, the Overlord shoved his allies aside, and with a mighty swing of his mace, bashed their jaws and sent them spiraling away. Bonehead's own roar was soon drowned out by the thunderous booming of his minigun, unleashing a hellfire of bullets that peppered the Overlord's armor. The heavily armored lord raised his arms in bracing against the lead bullets, the lethal munitions careened off the metal, but knocked him backwards a few feet from the sheer force.

"Blocking won't do you any good, tin man!" Bonehead roared over his gun as empty bullet shells littered the ground around them. The Overlord scoffed, and with steady steps began to steadily pull himself forward. The Fiend saw this, however, and with a loud whistle, the Overlord was almost knocked off the ground by one of Bonehead's dogs ramming full force into his torso.

 _(Rick: I never knew the Overlord's armor was strong enough to repel bullets from a minigun.)_

 _(Three Dog: Things like that surprise you, like how most people don't realize the bullets from Bonehead's gun are actually sharpened finger bones.)_

 _(Slick: Wow! That's both creative and morbid!)_

 _(Three Dog: He's a god damn Fiend, what did you expect?)_

" **GRAH! Impudent mongrel!** " The Overlord snarled, regaining his footing. In the corner of his vision, the Overlord saw the rest of the dogs had recovered from his attack, snarling and bearing their fangs. Turning his gaze towards his teammates, he quickly shouted an idea. " **Try and get him to cease his fire so I can shatter his skull!** "

"Sounds like a plan, I guess." Travis muttered, pulling Eddie to his feet. Seeing the giant Fiend and his gun, as well as the three dogs, a plan started to formulate in the assassin's head. "What if… Yeah, that'll work." He turned to Jack and Eddie, a firm grin on his face as he ignited his beam katana. "Hey guys. You think he'll be mad about his pups getting the hurt on?" Before they could answer, Travis immediately bolted towards the nearest dog, slashing at it and leaving a glowing burn across its body. The dog yelped in pain, growling at Travis and lunging in a pounce. It barely got two feet away before Travis leapt above it, and with a midair cartwheel, sliced his blade clean through the mutt, leaving it cleaved in half.

 _(Slick: I'm so glad PETA isn't here to see this.)_

 _(Rick: The dogs getting murdered, or subjected to tons of chems?)_

 _(Slick: Both. Bunch of pansies….)_

"Ceris, NO!" Bonehead shouted, hearing his pet's dying yelp. The gigantic Fiend turned his gun on Travis, firing red hot vengeance at the No More Hero. His plan worked, Travis immediately dove behind cover as the bullets chewed into an overturned car. Seeing the opportunity, the Overlord regained his composure and sprinted towards Bonehead, but the loud clanking of his armor betrayed him in the end. "I don't THINK SO!" As quick as he responded, Bonehead returned his sights at the Overlord and resumed his bombardment of the black-armored menace. Jack slowly turned his head towards Travis' hiding spot with disbelief in his gaze, wondering how the hell a goofball like Travis Touchdown came up with a plan like that.

"I call next!" Eddie exclaimed, pulling _Clementine_ off his back. Focusing his sights on another of the Fiend Dogs, Eddie played a short, high cord on his guitar, summoning a jolt of lightening to strike the mutt. Stunned by the blast, it left Eddie the perfect opening. Sprinting as fast as he could, the _Separator_ in hand, Eddie raised his axe above his head and brought it down on the beast's neck, severing it at the stump. "DECAPITATION~!" He sang.

"Bohr! DAMN YOU!" Bonehead bellowed as the dog's head struck pavement. Eddie quickly flapped his wings, taking off into the skies before the giant man's giant gun could hit him. Bonehead reacted by pointing his gun into the sky, all the bullets whizzing by as Eddie continued to fly around, throwing taunts and playing mock guitar riffs. Seizing the moment, the Overlord continued his trek towards his target, but once again was stopped by Bonehead's hearing. "Not THIS TIME!" Still no closer to his target, the Overlord was again assaulted by the ammunition, the only other sound above the guns roar was the tinkling clinking of the empty bullet casings.

"Well, I guess I know what I got to do." Jack murmured, rolling his shoulders. The final dog reared its head at him, snarling as its fangs dripped with saliva, while Jack merely cracked his knuckles. The dog bounded towards him, barking and growling as he neared the DeathWatcher, who continued to remain where he stood. Once the dog was finally in range, Jack smirked, pulled his metal fist back, and threw the mother of all punches. There was a loud squish, a sickening crack, and a faint whine. All eyes turned to Jack, seeing the canine corpse speared right through his metallic arm.

"REESE! HE WAS MY FAVORITE!" Bonehead screeched, again changing targets, but the instant he turned away from the Overlord to Jack, the telltale rapid clicks froze his blood.

"Out of ammo, big guy." Jack said, shaking the dog corpse off his arm. Before Bonehead could even think to retort, the Overlord promptly grabbed his shoulders, swung him around, face to face, and brought his mace down upon his head. Hard. Not only did the bones in his skull shatter, but his skull helmet split in two upon impact. The two halves of the bone fell onto the ground, leaving behind a…

"WOAH, ugly." Travis exclaimed upon looking at the slightly malformed face of Bonehead. "And that's what chem abuse will do to you."

 _(Slick: Remember kids, don't do chems or you'll end up like that piece of crap.)_

 _(Rick: Hypocrite.)_

 _(Slick: Hey, what I do are medicinal/recreational drugs. Chems are Wasteland stuff.)_

 _(Three Dog: Don't diss the Wasteland shit. Helps you out in a bind.)_

 _(Slick: Addict.)_

" **It's hideous.** " The Overlord said, raising his mace once more. " **Let us remedy this situation.** " With another mighty swing, the mace crashed upon the Fiend's head, tearing it at the neck and leaving nothing but a mound of brains and blood. " **He is finished.** "

 _*guitar riff*_

 _ **Bonehead, ELIMINATED!**_

"Was that riff really necessary, Riggs?" Jack asked, turning to the offending roadie, his fingers curled around the guitar.

Eddie merely shrugged his shoulders. "Felt fitting."

"I liked it." Travis said. "Brought back memories." Rolling his eyes, Jack motioned for the others to follow into the Gun Runner's storage and to complete their mission. The DeathWatcher and the Overlord took their places on both the doors, and with a mighty heave, the factory's doors opened, scraping against the ground and showering their boots in sparks.

* * *

Entering the building, Heart of Steel found themselves in a rather large factory room. Several deactivated machines that filled the room appeared to be built for destruction and dismantling, among them several crushers, wall mounted buzz-saws, rock crushers, rotary blades in place of ceiling fans, and oddly, a few cannons, all stained with a dark red rust. Even more suspiciously, several distinct metal plates on the ground were a brighter color than the rest of the mute tiled floor. Whatever purpose this factory served prior to the Tournament, it certainly wasn't packaging cereal box prizes.

 _(Slick: Hey, Rick. Do you remember what this factory made?)_

 _(Rick: How should I know? I'm a radio show host, not a city engineer.)_

"This place should be sued for a hazardous work environment." Eddie mused, looking at a large collection of saws atop a conveyor belt. "Saws, smashers, slicers, all we need is the giant drill." He turned to his left, and accidentally bumped his head against… "Found it."

"Well, at least the workers knew to wear helmets." Travis said, gesturing to a workers sign with the obligatory factory wear warning. "Why did Jimmy send us here again?"

"A crate full of guns the Runners were selling, said it was stuffed with 'em," Eddie muttered, shoving a few boxes over. "But I don't see any… Well look at that." Located at the very center of the room, right in front of a generator, was a unique looking metal podium, a red button at the center of it. As the former Cabbage Boy Roadie examined the button, he noticed the words 'Gun Runners' imprinted just above. Going for a curious act, Eddie pressed the button, causing it to emit a short beep. As soon as his finger retracted, red lights high on the factory walls started flashing as loud alarms began to blare. The group quickly formed a back to back group around one another, weapons at the ready, waiting for any sign of danger. All around them, the machines started to activate: Saws whirred, crushers churned, blades swirled, crushers rolled, and the generator signaled an industrial orchestra with a loud factory whistle.

"Great! It's like a drum solo gone rampant in here!" Eddie shouted over the loud bangs and clangs. "We're going to get swarmed by Fiends with noise!"

"That's the idea, pimps 'n playas!" Exclaimed a deep bass voice. Travis, Eddie, and the Overlord began looking around, trying to find the source of the intruder, while Jack furrowed his brow, knowing that voice all too well.

"Not him…" Jack groaned, lowering his guard. The group's attention was immediately drawn to the sound of clinking metal, looking up at the rafters above the generator. Standing on the catwalk above all the machines was a black man wearing a yellow fur coat, yellow fedora with a long purple feather, yellow parachute pants, yellow gloves, and black sunglasses on his chiseled face. A black beard ran along his jawline, and in his hands was a golden cane with a skull on the handle. To anyone who knew the street well enough, this guy looked like an absolute pimp.

 **The Black Baron, Stop Starin'!**

 _(Slick: I really like this guy…)_

 _(Three Dog & Rick: I can see why…)_

"Hey, Jack, brothah!" The pimp said, leaning over the rail. "I didn't know y'all were competin' in this Tournament! I'da brought my bitch along just tah say 'hi', but work comes first, ya dig?"

"Why aren't you dead yet?" Jack loudly asked, glaring at the man on the catwalk. "Didn't you get yourself killed last time we met?" The other members of the Heart of Steel slowly looked towards Jack, looks of confusion and disbelief evident on their faces… except for the Overlord, because of that scary helm of his.

"You know this brightly dressed Ruborian?" The Overlord asked, gesturing his mace at the pimp.

"Unfortunately… That's the Black Baron," Jack explained. "He and I met at the last DeathWatch… Where I beat his ass with a spiked baseball bat and knocked him into a gigantic dartboard… And that somehow didn't kill him."

"Is he an immortal or something?" Eddie asked, looking at the Baron.

"No, he just won't fucking die." Jack complained, looking up at the Baron. "Now what the hell do you want?" The Black Baron let out a deep laugh, leaning over the railing at the four down below.

"Yo friend with the axes and the Danzig's looks activated the Sponsorship Challenge!" The Black Baron exclaimed, twirling his cane and smiling wide. "This is a little piece of ass the IDA wanted tah throw into the game. Y'all remember the Bloodbath Challenges, don't ya Jack?"

"All too well…" Jack said, shaking his head. Then, it hit him. "We're stuck in one of those right now?!"

"Sorta, Jack." The Baron said with a chuckle, pointing at the machinery. "Now, let me explain the rules of this little shindig to y'all in the most simplest ways yo brains can comprehend."

"Why that cocky son of a…" Travis growled through clenched teeth, shaking his fist. The Baron tapped his cane to the side of the generator, and with a flash of his smile, a group of camera drones flew down and focused on the Bishop of blood and carnage.

"Welcome, welcome, pimps 'n playas!" The Baron greeted the audience in his best 'TV Star tone'. "The Black Baron's here today to learn y'all the rules of this here Sponsorship Challenge. Y'see, this factory here, owned by the ever so shady Gun Runners of New Vegas, is crooked and grey like a meth whore's mouth. So here I is, proposing we do a little bit of redecorating." He leapt from the catwalk, standing in front of a wood chipper-like machine. "We goin' to be Painting the Room Red today, folks. The game is as simple as breakin' some g's nose with a brass knuckle: Make as big of a mess as ya can with the doped out motha's that come runnin' in here, and if ya can make a big enough mess, our benefactors will provide a manner of trophy to the top scorer."

"Three, two, one…" Jack quietly counted to himself. Emerging from behind the machine the Baron positioned himself at was a beautiful woman wearing a scantily clad orange top and mini-skirt, with tiger make-up painted on her face and orange hair done in two messy ponytails. On her hands were fake tiger paws, tiger boots on her feet, and a foreboding sense of bloodlust all around her. Naturally, the Baron greeted her with open arms.

"Ah, and here's my assistant for the moment, pimps 'n playas," The Baron said with a jovial laugh. "Angry Tiger, ladies and gents. Her boss and Ah got a good deal on his babes, Ah get to borrow 'em for the show, and he lets them have a good time." The girl, Angry Tiger, put a hand on the Baron's shoulder, purring slightly. "And do I know how to give a good time, heheh-yeah." Without warning, Angry Tiger grabbed the Baron by the back of his coat, hefted him off the ground, and tossed him right into the chipper. "AW HELL NAW!" His last shout was heard before being pulled into the machine, a spurt of blood blasting out of the mouth, while the rest erupted out the opposite end, covering the entire wall in gore.

"Angry Tiger POWER!" Angry Tiger cheered before merrily skipping out of the room. The men of the Heart of Steel (aside from Jack) were both stunned and speechless by the occurrence.

"He'll be back." Jack said, nonchalantly. "He always comes back."

"Like crabs?" Travis joked, only to receive a slug on the shoulder by Jack.

 _(Slick: DON'T TAUNT THE CRABS MAN! THEY'LL COME BACK!)_

 _(Rick: Just ignore him, Three Dog, he has PTCC.)_

 _(Three Dog: PTCC?)_

 _(Rick: Post-traumatic Crotch Cleansing.)_

 _(Slick: KEEP THAT BLOWTORCH AWAY FROM THERE!)_

Four platform circles lit up in the corners of the room, obviously signaling the competitors where to stand. Understanding the rules of the twisted game, each man took a position on an individual circle, waiting for the game to begin. A loud horn blared, four thick, plastic walls shot up from the ground, blocking off the team in boxes, and the doors all around opened up, releasing dozens of Fiends inside. The game had begun.

* * *

 _*recommended music is Mad World by Sick YG*_

Five Fiends surrounded Travis, armed with nothing but their fists and chipped razors, as the machines whirred and grinded all around them. On his left, a pair of pistons crashing into each other in rapid succession, large enough to crush a human body. On his right, the very chipper the Black Baron was fed to, the stains still visible on the wall. Behind him, a large rotating drill that passed into all four sections, whirring with the terrible memories of demented dentistry. A plan was set, all that remained was the execution.

Travis immediately dove for one of the Fiends, grabbing him by the shoulders and throwing him to the ground. As soon as his back connected with the cement floor, Travis rolled forward, kicking the Fiend off the ground and sending him face first into the chipper. The screams were drowned out by the grinding of the blades, the walls sprayed red with the innards of the former raider. One of the other Fiends screamed at Travis, charging at him with naught but a chipped shaving razor, but was instead met with an uppercut from the No More Hero. The Fiend fell like a tree, blood running from his nose like a waterfall, while Travis swung into a roundhouse kick with another, bashing the Fiend right into the two pistons. He barely had the time to raise his hands before his top half became a human pancake, crushing him like an overripe tomato, and making just as big of a mess.

"Shit, I got some on my jacket." Travis grunted as the blood sprayed from the pistons. Two of the other Fiends started backing away in fear, but barely got far before Travis slashed with his beam katana, dicing the two at the midsection, transforming them into red fountains. As more of the room turned red, more Fiends crawled in through the doors and openings, leaving more buckets of paint for the room. Travis smirked, adjusted his glasses, and stepped on the neck of the fifth initial Fiend, before raising his blade to attack once more.

* * *

A shrill yelp echoed off the walls as an airborne Fiend shot from the ceiling, ending up a messy splatter on the floor. Three of six Fiends watched in horror and anger as Eddie Riggs flew above them, mocking them with guitar riffs and loud laughter. From the start, Eddie knew he had an advantage with his room compared to the others. A bunch of rotary saws hung all over one of the walls, most of which had already ripped one of the Fiends to shreds. A cannon-like device held a sawblade within, which Eddie already fed a Fiend to, resulting in an almost morbid firecracker of bone and blood. And of course, there was that drill, but Eddie couldn't get any of the Fiends close enough to utilize it.

"Ah, whatever," Eddie said, descending from above for another attack. Eddie plucked _Clementine_ from his back, strummed a few electrifying notes, and left the remaining Fiends twitching as the voltage stunned them in their place. "I still can do shit like this." Equipping the _Separator_ , Eddie pulled his arm back, and spun in a rapid circle, carving the Fiends into pieces. Once the Fiends were dead, Eddie took a moment to monitor the room, and was unhappy with the lack of red painting the area. His hopes were slightly raised when more Fiends poured in, shouting and cursing as they surrounded the Roadie. Eddie chuckled, cracking his knuckles and flapping his wings. "I can fix this easy."

* * *

On the Overlord's part, he could care less about winning the Sponsorship Challenge, or whatever reward he was promised for winning. All that mattered to the ultimate master of evil and darkness was the opportunity to prove his strength and power upon the weak. By the moment he grabbed the first Fiend that came to him, he had already shown his point by hefting the Fiend high above the ground and ramming him face first into the drill. It was a slow, torturous process, but the Overlord succeeded in not only completely covering himself, the drill, and a fourth of the area in what was left of the Fiend, but reduced him to nothing but a pelvis and a pair of gangly legs. He cared not for the sharp spikes to impale the victims on the wall, nor did he have interest in the slicing conveyor belt on the ground, waiting to be fed a foolish Fiend. All he, the Overlord, cared for, was to become death.

" **Run, little mortals.** " The Overlord boomed, dragging his mace along the ground, screeching against the metal. " **But no matter how far those legs carry you, I shall be the last you see when oblivion takes you.** " One Fiend fell to the ground, scrambling away before a heavy metal boot pressed against his leg. Tears and mucus streamed down his face as he turned and saw the armor, black as night, and the horrific mace raised above his head. " **Die**." The last thing he saw was the mace coming down.

 _(Rick: Hold me.)_

 _(Slick: Gladly.)_

* * *

Jack heard a loud squish, followed by the Overlord's laughter on the other side of an adjacent wall. Jack grumbled to himself, looked to the wall, and saw the dark image of his ally slamming his mace onto the corpse of a dead Fiend. Repeatedly.

"Showoff." Jack muttered, taking a puff of his cigarette. When the rooms came up, Jack saw he didn't have much to work with in terms of equipment. Sure there were boulder crushers, but that wouldn't do much with spreading the mess, remembering his experiences at Mad Castle during his last DeathWatch escapade. There was also some crushing pistons and spikes mounted on the wall, which he could work with, given aim and time. At the moment, all Jack needed to work with, and succeeded, was his trusty chainsaw. Using practically nothing but the arm mounted menace, Jack tore through scores of Fiends with ease, the heavy duty weapon ripping Fiends to shreds like autumn leaves.

One such moronic Fiend came at him with a cricket bat, swinging it overhead and attempting to smash it on the DeathWatcher's head. Jack quickly grabbed his arm, and with a deafening snap, dislocated the bone, and flung the man high into the air, impaling him through the stomach on a conveniently mounted spike. A follow-up was a Fiend attempting a stealthy takedown, but was instantly thwarted by Jack turning around at the right moment. Reeling back a punch, Jack slammed his fist into the Fiend's face, sending him right into a crusher. As Jack expected, there wasn't as big of a mess as expected, but it was quite a sight to see. Just by guessing, Jack felt he had probably the messiest of all the rooms, but it didn't really matter to him. All that mattered was beating the damn Tournament and getting that wish.

Just as Jack dismembered another Fiend, the factory alarm blared, the machines began to slowly power down, and the remainder of the Fiends retreated with all but their dignity (and a few body parts) intact. The Challenge was beaten, and the dividing walls slowly slid down into the ground.

 _(Rick: And that's it with the Sponsorship Challenge! We'll have someone tally up the wall splatter space, see who made the biggest mess, and send a prize down to the lucky winner.)_

 _(Slick: It looks like my toilet on Chef Kowasaki's Curry Night down there.)_

 _(Three Dog: I'm out! That's just nasty. *door closes in the background*)_

 _(Rick: Great, you grossed out the guest speaker, Slick.)_

 _(Slick: I'll go sit in my corner.)_

Jack looked around and saw his allies doing their own things in their section. Travis was holstering his Beam Katana, Eddie was adjusting his guitar, and the Overlord was… still beating at a dead corpse with his mace.

"Hey tin can!" Eddie shouted over the furious pounding. "It's over, cool your jets." The Overlord slowly ceased his overkill assault, regained his composure, and joined his allies in the center of the room. "You're kind of a freak, you know?" Another factory light shone above a door, opening into a room filled with computers and other devices. Out stepped a middle-aged man in a dirty brown business suit with a comb-over hairstyle, holding a metal briefcase in his left hand.

"Bravo gentlemen," The man said. "Bravo. You did well in disposing of those Raiders."

"Just doing what we do best." Travis said, stuffing his hands into his jacket pockets.

" **Kill the inferior.** " The Overlord boomed, clenching a fist.

"The voice, big guy," Eddie said. "Shut off the voice." The Overlord grumbled something about weaklings, but the rest of the group ignored. "So who're you?"

The man chuckled. "Allow me to introduce myself. I am Samuel Murphy, IDA representative of the Gun Runners. And I am here," Samuel lifted the briefcase up. "To reward the winner of my Challenge to…" The man stepped in front of Jack and handed him the case. "Mr. Jack Cayman." There were two shouts of complaints from Eddie and Travis, while the Overlord gave a gruff groan. "I'm sorry, but out of the four of you, Mr. Cayman made a larger mess than you three." He turned to Travis, gesturing to his corner. "Mr. Touchdown, you focused more on crowd-pleasing spectacle and flashy moves instead of collateral damage." He turned to Eddie, waving at his section. "Mr. Riggs, you did well with eliminating Fiends, but most of your kills only spread on the ground, not all over the place." He moved to the Overlord, refraining from looking at his spectacle. "And you… Are terrifying. Nothing more to say." He returned to Jack, proudly holding the briefcase. "As reward for completing the Gun Runners Sponsorship Challenge, I am proud to award you, Jack Cayman of Heart of Steel, with a technological upgrade unlike many have ever seen." The briefcase popped open, revealing the glowing contents within: an unusually designed mechanical attachment bearing a nuclear radiation emblem.

"An upgrade, huh?" Jack asked, taking the content from the case. It appeared to attach to something, connected with exposed wires beneath the casing. It was about the size of his wrist in length. "What kind of upgrade?"

"A never before released, completely refurbished piece of Vault-Tec equipment." Mr. Murphy said, pointing to the device. "A Rad Ripper Core, designed for a discontinued product of Vault-Tec and RobCo for an augmented version of the Ripper miniature chainsaw. We ripped it from the core, and now it can be attached to any melee weapon for the ability to inflict radiation poisoning on the victim." The four men (as well as the radio commenters) _oooh_ 'ed at the description. Jack wasted in no time placing the Core on his metallic arm, a green light flashing on the surface. "Enjoy, with compliments from the Gun Runners."

"Well thanks for the doo-dad," Travis said, starting to walk away. "But we got to get going. Tournament to win and all."

"I know that rat, Two-Teeth sent you here," Mr. Murphy said, a frown on his wrinkled face. "To steal our weapon supplies so he and his Skin Bodies could make a fortune on the market. Such an act would be very bad for our business." Travis stopped in his track, letting off a loud groan.

"Why can't we get away with one fucking mission before some damn twist screws us?" Travis whined.

"Look, Murphy," Eddie said, moving Jack out of the way. "We don't want any trouble. We just want to pay Jimmy back for giving us some supplies." Mr. Murphy's frown deepened, glancing at the men with weary eyes. Slowly and in silence, the Gun Runner's smile returned, but a mischievous glint in his eyes spelt foreboding news.

"You four seem like reasonable murderers," Mr. Murphy said in a soft voice. "The Gun Runners have their mercenaries back in the Mojave, so who's to say I can't have a few here?" Another deal to be dealt, just what they needed. "So I'm going to give you a chance at something." The man pointed towards two crates nearby, both bearing Gun Runner emblems, but one had a bolted on lid. "The unbolted crate contains the weapons that rat desires. Since you won the Sponsorship, I have no authority to stop you from stealing from us."

"Sweet! I'll just get right to carrying that and-" Travis said, reaching the aforementioned crate.

"But, an ultimatum for you." Mr. Murphy interrupted. "If you give the bolted crate to Mr. Two-Teeth, consider yourselves and your army backed by the Gun Runners." The men of Heart of Steel immediately froze in their spots. Like Cinder said, Sponsorships were important to building their army to take on the Champion Kaos. But, this new offer meant having to sacrifice another, and vice versa. Jimmy did promise something extra for bringing back the gun crate, along with alliance with the Skin Bodies to get standard supplies for their forces. But the Gun Runners had weapons, armor, and robots at their disposal. That kind of stuff would help out in a scrap. This would be a tough decision that requires some deep thinking.

* * *

 _CHOICE TIME_!

 _Time for you, the readers to decide, which choice Heart of Steel makes. Do they take the crate of guns to Jimmy Two-Teeth, in exchange for aid from the Skin Bodies? Or do they give the bolted crate from Mr. Murphy, and get the backing of the Gun Runners? Send a PM or write in the reviews what you want to see happen, and you'll see what happens in two weeks time!_


	7. Chapter 6

**Chapter Six:** **The First Sponsor**

 _(Author's Note: The choice has been made, now let's see how it plays out. Remember, this choice not only impacts this part, but the story as a whole. Let's see if you chose wisely, readers…)_

* * *

 **Location: Derelict Factory**

 **Urbania, Fiend Territory**

"Mr. Murphy," Jack said, moving towards the Gun Runner. The suited man held his breath, waiting for the final answer. "You've got yourself a deal." Mr. Murphy beamed brightly, grabbing Jack's hand and shaking it vigorously, his teammates showing definite signs of surprise on their faces, but remained silent.

"The Gun Runners thank you for your patronage, Mr. Cayman." Mr. Murphy said, his smile threatening to split his face. "You won't regret this decision."

"We better not, Murphy." Travis said, folding his arms. "Double-crossing isn't something I'm proud of, but the promise of better weapons sounds promising."

"You get used to it." The Overlord said, holstering his mace. "It's even more fun when you do the betraying. I love the looks on their faces when they see I was never on their side."

 _(Rick: Didn't he get double crossed by his own jester minion?)_

 _(Slick: Nah, that was his old man, the Netherworld Overlord.)_

 _(Rick: I thought there were multiple Overlords in the Netherworld.)_

 _(Slick: That's the Nether_ ealm _, with the demons and stuff.)_

 _(Rick: Then what's the one with the cubic pigmen?)_

 _(Slick: That's just_ the Nether _.)_

 _(Rick: Why do so many worlds have the same prefix?)_

 _(Slick: Because the Judges of the Universe have no originality whatsoever.)_

"Big guy, this is a business transaction," Eddie said, glaring at the heavily armored menace. "Not a damn espionage mission." Once Mr. Murphy released Jack from his grip, the members of Heart of Steel moved towards the bolted crate.

"Once you get the crate to Mr. Two-Teeth," Mr. Murphy said, a slightly devious smirk appearing on the corner of his wrinkled face. "I'd suggest running. Ta!" The Gun Runner quickly vanished behind the door he entered, leaving the four men in the bloody room, standing there the unusual crate.

"Alright, let's get this to the Inconvenience Store, guys." Eddie said, lifting the crate. "I've got a bad feeling about this…."

The trek was short back to the Inconvenience Store, with most of the Fiends either elsewhere or eliminated, and the group made it back in record time. Upon arriving at the store, a group of rats with shaved bodies stood guard, giving shifty looks and kicking a can that somehow was smaller than they were.

 _(Slick: Y'know, the only real question I have to ask about the Skin Bodies is 'why'?)_

 _(Rick: Why did they shave their torsos? Why are they acting as a bunch of scavengers for the IDA?)_

 _(Slick: Why do they keep taking my fucking SHAVING CREAM?!)_

"Those must be the Skin Bodies." Jack remarked. "Well, let's drop this crate off, then get the hell out of here." The group walked to the entrance of the Inconvenience Store, the Overlord removed the bolted crate, and slammed it on the ground, startling the rats.

"Woah, hey, what?!" One of the Skin Bodies exclaimed. "Who da hell are yous guys?"

"Heart of Steel." Jack said, folding his arms. "Jimmy Two-Teeth asked us to steal this package from the Gun Runners." One of the rats crawled atop the crate and prodded at the bolts.

"Da boss didn't say nothin' 'bout it bein' locked." The raid said, twitching his nose.

"Look, do you want the Gun Runner's shit or not?" Eddie said, impatiently fiddling with his guitar. "Because we can just give it back to them, if you don't want it."

"Nah, no, nah, no way." The second rat butted in, shoving his cohort aside. "We'll just, eheh, take this here to da boss, and he'll be happy." The rats hopped off the crate and slowly began pushing it inside, scraping it loudly against the cement and irritating the four men. As soon as the door slammed shut, a notification popped up on the men's ECHO's, a simple message. Without hesitation, they opened the message, and saw it beheld a simple three letter word.

 **RUN.**

Not wanting fate to end their tournament experience early, Heart of Steel obliged the message and bolted away from the Inconvenience Store as though the devil himself were on their heels. They made it about halfway down the street when they heard three things. A loud click, an obscene scream from Jimmy Two-Teeth, and a very loud explosion. Jack, the Overlord, and Eddie all turned around and saw a massive mushroom cloud where the store once was. Travis on the other hand…

"I'm not looking." Travis said, arms firmly folded. "I'm not looking, I swear. I'm a cool guy," His head started to turn. "I'm a cool guy, so I don't… look at…" He made a complete 180 degree turn, throwing his arms up in the air. "DAMN IT THAT LOOKS AWESOME!"

 _(Slick: This awesome explosion was brought to you buy Sheer Awesomeness.)_

 _(Rick: Sheer Awesomeness, the makers of Pure Coolness and Absolute Magnificence.)_

Above the roar of the flames as the building receded into debris, their ECHO Communicators crackled with an incoming call.

"Guys, what the hell is going on over there?!" Cinder's voice exclaimed, a tone of anxiousness and concern evident. "I'm getting news buzz all around your sector!"

"There's nothing to worry about, Cinder." Jack responded. "Just a little bit hazy here, nothing too bad."

"'Nothing too bad', he says." Sylvia said, joining in on the call. "Then what the hell was that massive explosion that happened just now where the Skin Bodies set up headquarters?"

"Ahem, I think I can explain that." Said an oddly familiar voice. "Mr. Murphy, IDA Representative to the Gun Runners." A chuckle from his line. "And now, your very first Sponsor."

"Gun Runners…" Cinder mused. "I know about you. Makers of munitions and metal works in the Mojave." He paused, muttering something about accidental alliteration. "So when did this happen, the Sponsorship?"

"When your golden boys delivered a time-sensitive mini-nuke to those rats after completing our Sponsorship Challenge." Murphy said with a chuckle. "Eliminating that competition has just earned you and your army military backing by the Gun Runners."

"And you'll be bringing us what, exactly?" Gnarl asked, appearing on the call. "I presume weapons, for starters."

"Guns, armor, security turrets, and state of the art refurbished RobCo Protectitrons for combat service." Murphy clarified. "Good starting supplies for conquest, I'd say so myself. We did supply the various militaries of the New Vegas area for the Second Battle of Hoover Dam, and we all know how that ended."

"You also had a gigantic time bomb strapped to our backs and didn't think to tell us about it?!" Travis exclaimed, visibly angry.

"You'd react poorly either way." Murphy said, as calm as ever. "It's just business etiquette, Mr. Touchdown. Now, shall we proceed with the business deal?"

"It's not like we've got a choice," Jack muttered, folding his arms. "You did strong arm us into this."

"Ignore him, Mr. Murphy," Cinder said with a false chuckle. "They're not business practitioners like you and I, so I'll just disclose the deal with a yes." Mr. Murphy chuckled, severing the connection. With nothing but the sound of the echoing explosion around them, the rest of the group was left in silence.

 _(Slick: God, what a dick.)_

"So… how about you guys actually get the stuff we actually want you to do and kill Joe the Render, okay?" Cinder asked in a mock tone. "Okay, bye-bye." The line went dead.

 _(Slick: Scratch that, bigger dick.)_

 _(Rick: They make up the business world.)_

"Why the hell is that guy the one calling the shots?" Travis asked, annoyed by the Chaser Agent's behavior. "That holier than thou attitude of his is really getting on my nerves."

"We'll deal with it leader, c'mon." Jack said, brushing Travis aside as he, Eddie, and the Overlord began their trek towards their destination. Travis couldn't help but look back at what was left of the Inconvenience Store, feeling a twinge of guilt for his and his allies' betrayal of the Skin Bodes. Muttering himself about senseless violence, he rejoined the rest of the team as they continued their mission to defeat the Wasteland Fiends.

* * *

 **Location: Fiend Central**

 **Urbania, Contested Fiend Territory**

With the matter of the Sponsorship out of the way, the Heart of Steel resumed their primary objective of the area: take down Joe the Render and neutralize the Fiends. Luckily, the location of their base of operations was not too far from the Inconvenient Store, and all the men had to do was just keep walking. Soon enough, they finally reached their destination: Fiend Central, formerly a four-story office complex for some business matters turned into a fortress by the Fiends, overrun with their dogs, their addicted guards, and their chief. It also contained the Brown Minion hive the Overlord needed for their army. Now all they needed to do for the moment was get in.

 _(Slick: I actually know what that building was for before the Tournament!)_

 _(Rick: Then enlighten us, oh ye all knower of building architecture.)_

 _(Slick: Don't get smart with me, you point-nosed twit. It was a clinic, for the record.)_

 _(Rick: Ohhh… Now that's irony.)_

"So, here's what I think," Travis said as they started towards the building, surprisingly unguarded from the outside. "This entire building's going to be crowded with targets in narrow rooms, and I don't know about you, but I need a lot of mobility to get shit done."

"We all do." Jack said, lighting another cigarette.

"I think we should split up to cover more ground." Travis suggested. "And meet up by the entrance every time we clear a floor before heading up. If I'm getting things right, which I usually do, our target's going to be on the top floor."

"And what of the search for my minions?" The Overlord asked, the gem on his gauntlet glowing a faint orange. "They'll be a valuable asset, so we need to devote most of the search for them before continuing."

"No problem, big guy." Eddie said, cracking his neck. "We'll look out for those goblin freaks of yours. Shouldn't be too hard to find 'em." The group reached the door, each readying their weapons. Travis turned to his allies, eyes narrowing behind his sunglasses as his beam katana glowed brightly.

"Who wants the honors of the grand entrance?" Travis asked, pointing towards the door. "Jack, how about you use that new gadget from the Gun Runners to set the tone." Jack let off a short, low laugh, tapping on the green attachment attached to his arm. He lifted his metal arm up, his chainsaw retracting and glowing a radioactive green, he stepped towards the door. Two quick slashes later, the door was torn down, several Fiends inside the dirtied lobby were caught off guard, and were immediately caught in a very one-sided battle. The four men leapt inside, bellowing war cries, and began hacking, slashing, smashing, and destroying all that stood within. In a matter of minutes, the room was completely clear of enemies, but smelled distinctly of blood and sweat.

 _(Rick: Not going to lie, that was really short lived.)_

 _(Slick: Just like your love life. HA!)_

 _(Rick: *grumbling*)_

"I could do better." Travis muttered, kicking a severed hand away. He looked about the room, seeing four different hallways, one on the left, one of the right, and two directly opposite the entrance. "Alright, four hallways, four kickass killers, let's regroup once we're done." The rest of the men grunted in agreement and each took off down their own hallways. Travis ran down the leftmost hall, beam katana at the ready, kicking up scattered papers and dirt in the corridors. So far, he encountered no resistance by the Fiends, but he knew to be ready at a moment's notice. Thanks to his gut instinct, he rounded another corner and came face to face with a triad of Fiends arguing over something. A smirk on his lips, Travis gave a loud whistle, directed the Fiends attention, and promptly proceeded to dice them.

"Not. Even. Once." Travis laughed, twirling his beam katana as he stepped over the dead Fiends. He continued walking down the hall, but stopped in his tracks when he heard the sound of scurried footsteps in a nearby room. Engaging in a defense position, Travis slowly began walking towards the room, the sounds getting louder and loudly. Sweat trickling from his brow, Travis carefully put his hand on the door handle, and steadily pushed it open. As soon as his bravery caught up with his heartrate, Travis swung the door open and leapt into the room beam katana blazing and poised to strike.

"NO HURT!" Shouted a scratchy voice. Travis froze for a moment, surprised at the source of the cry. It was a light-brown colored imp, hunched over, standing at about four feet in height, wearing a worker's tunic, orange goggles, and a blast mask. He was clutching a smithing hammer in his dirty, clawed hands, and was shaking uncontrollably. For some reason, he seemed familiar to Travis. And then, it hit him. The hammer that is. Right on the forehead.

* * *

 _Drip_. "You know," The Overlord said, standing over his most recent victim. _Drip_. "This would all be easier if these fools would just tell me where my Minions are." _Drip._ "But no, I have to actually put effort into my work." _Drip._ "Not that I'm complaining, I love my work, I really do." _Drip._ "It just gets a little repetitive after a while, am I right?" _Drip_. "Why am I asking any of you? You can't talk back." _Drip._ The Overlord's ECHO crackled to life, distracting him from his most recent work. "Speak."

"Hey, tall, dark, and ominous," Travis' voice responded. "I think I found something you might be interested in- OW!"

"Having trouble, No More Hero?" The Overlord asked. "It was your idea to split up, was it not?"

"Yeah, but I found something you'd need." Travis said, a chittering sound in the background. "It's short, brown, ugly as hell, and keeps hitting me with a hammer- GAH! SON OF A BITCH!" The Overlord's eyes glowed bright, the description ringing several bells in his head.

"Is it wearing a dirty metal worker tunic and a pair of goggles?" The Overlord interrogated. Travis responded with a pained yes. "That's one of my chief Minions, Giblet! He smelted and crafted my armor and weapons. I'll be there as soon as I can."

"Great, now how do I get him to STOP HITTING ME!?" Travis exclaimed, another clunk on the other end.

"Just tell him 'evil always finds a way', and he'll know I'm here." The Overlord said, immediately disconnecting the call. He turned to face his handiwork, wiping the blood on his gauntlets on the wall. "It was a fun workout, humans, but I must be off. There's evil afoot!" The Overlord turned and started back the way he came. As soon as he rounded the corner, one of the patrolling Fiends emerged on the opposite end, and saw the absolute horror the Overlord left behind, a scream echoing across the halls. The Overlord responded in the curtest way he could think of: Laugh.

 _(Slick: Dear god, that's gonna haunt my nightmares.)_

 _(Rick: And there were only two guys in there…)_

* * *

 _Choice Result: Congratulations readers on voting for the first Dark Morale choice. By voting for the Gun Runners, you may have gained military access and gear for the Heart of Steel, but at the cost of betrayal and becoming a bit of a dick by killing the Skin Bodies. Each choice will cause different effects in the long run, and yours have only just begun._

 _For the record, if Heart of Steel sided with the Skin Bodies, they would receive supplies and healthcare items for their army, plus Maliwan Spike Shields. Whatever else could have happened won't, but the repercussions of working with the Gun Runners have yet to surface..._


	8. Chapter 7

Chapter 7: Minion Mayhem

 **Location: Freak Central, Urbania**

"MASTA!" Giblet cheerfully exclaimed, seeing the Overlord enter the room. Abandoning his initial occupation of bashing Travis over the head with his smithy hammer, the Brown Minion metalworker ran to his Master and began bowing at his feet. "Giblet wait for Masta to come and free othas! Giblet good servant to da Masta!"

"Yes, my Minion," The Overlord said, folding his arms has he glared at his crafting Minion. "Now, **rise to your feet.** " Giblet immediately shot upwards, gangly arms firmly planted at the sides. " **Where is the hive of your fellows?** "

"Above! Above!" Giblet shouted, jumping and pointed at the ceiling. "Brown Hive above Masta! Ugly men took Hive to other floor!"

"Second floor, then?" The Overlord muttered. He turned to Travis, flashing his glowing eyes. " **Contact the others. My Minions are being held on the Second Floor.** " Travis rose to his feet, rubbing his head and grumbling.

"You could at least say please…" Travis grumbled. "And quit the evil voice around us. The roof freakin' shakes every time you use it." He placed a finger to his ear, activating his ECHO. "Overlord found one of his Minions. Says they're on the second floor of this place." He paused for a second, a frown slowly forming. "I don't know why he asked me to say it. Probably ain't used to technology like the rest of us. He is the evil villain of fantasy-land, and last I checked, they don't have cellphones." Another pause, followed by a chuckle. "Great. We'll regroup at the main lobby. Touchdown out." He disconnected the call, turning to face the Overlord. "Eddie found the stairs, and Jack just finished mopping up the rest of the Fiends on this floor. They'll meet us in the lobby."

"Excellent. We shall do just that." The Overlord said, glancing down at Giblet. "Oh, and Travis?"

"Yeah?" Travis asked. He didn't remember what happened next, but he did find himself suddenly on the ground with a possibly broken nose. The Overlord loomed over him, wiping the blood off his gauntlet onto Travis' jacket.

"Make a jest about me and technology again and your nose won't be the only thing I break." The Overlord growled, somehow being more terrifying without using his evil voice.

"Yes sir…" Travis said, giving a weak salute.

 _(Slick: That guy is too sensitive.)_

 _(Rick: That guy is the embodiment of all evil. I don't he cares about sensitivity.)_

* * *

Whilst Travis and the Overlord were busy with their scouting of the building, Jack focused on his mission to gain as much ground as possible. Luckily for him, and the others, there weren't as many Fiends inside the building as there were running rampant in the Ultimate Arena, and the most the DeathWatcher had to handle were the occasional guards, most of whom ended up with broken necks, split torsos, and a bad case of impalement via self-inflicted manslaughter. Sure enough, after enough aimless wandering, Jack found the stairs to the second floor, and was also surprised to see Eddie appear on the other end of the hall, walking away from a recent scuffle.

"Oh hey, look at that." Eddie noted, sheathing his axe. "Conjoined hallways. Well, I just killed about… ten Fiends on the way here? Seemed pretty disorganized for a base."

"They're raiders so completely drugged up the butt they can't even think properly." Jack muttered, reaching for a cigar in his jacket. "They're about as organized as an armless inmate's gloves." He pulled out a lighter and started to light his cigar, but Eddie gave him a confused look.

"The hell are you doing?" Eddie asked.

"Smoking, what does it look like?" Jack asked, incredulously. Eddie blinked, waving his hands.

"No, I mean, the hell are you using a lighter on a stogie?" Eddie reiterated. He reached into his pockets and pulled out a matchbook. "You use matches on cigars. Gives it a kick." Eddie lit a match and offered a light, which Jack casually obliged. Taking a long puff, Jack gave a hardly seen smirk at the Roadie, tapping the butt of his cigar.

 _(Slick: Really? Have I been doing it wrong the whole time?)_

 _(Rick: Yes! A blowtorch is not a good usage for a lighter!)_

 _(Slick: Screw you, I do what I want. *blowtorch ignites in background* GAH! MY POMPADOUR!)_

"You know your shit, Riggs." Jack said. An ECHO call went off, which Jack abruptly answered. "What is it, Travis?" He paused, listening as Travis spoke. "Well why didn't he call us and say that?" Another pause. "He'll figure it out in time. I'm with Eddie, we'll meet you there. Cayman out." He disconnected the call and took the cigar out of his mouth. "Travis said the Overlord found one of his Minions and he knows where their Hive is. We're going to meet them at the lobby."

"And I was enjoying this bonding moment, too." Eddie joked. Jack shot him a glare, wordlessly walking down the hallway Eddie arrived. The Roadie turned about and shrugged, following after Jack. "What? It was just a joke."

* * *

The team met up in the hallway, with Giblet clinging to the Overlord like a puppy. A really ugly, violent, and armed puppy. Travis waved Jack and Eddie over, while the Overlord fiddled with his ECHO device… to varying degrees of success.

"Blast this infernal thing…" The Overlord muttered, pressing his finger against the futuristic device. "I don't want to view inventory, I want to contact Gnarl!"

"Having trouble with the tech, big guy?" Eddie chuckled, putting his fists on his hip. "Want me to call customer services." Jack and Travis chuckled a bit while the Overlord growled.

"Silence. I know what I am doing." The Overlord grumbled, furiously pressing on the ECHO. He let out a short laugh as a ringer sounded. "Gnarl! I've contacted Giblet and have learned the whereabouts of the rest of the Minions. I will require something of celebration afterwards, but now, I need full support on the matter!"

"So you want mushrooms on that?" Asked the receiving end of the call, clearly not Gnarl. The Overlord immediately disconnected the call, while his cohorts couldn't hold back any longer, bursting into laughter. Even stone-faced Jack Cayman was laughing at the situation, though not as hard as Travis, who could barely stand, or Eddie, who had to hold his sides in before a gut could bust. The Overlord roared, slamming his mace onto the ground and shattering the floor, causing Giblet to yelp in surprise.

" **SILENCE!** " The Overlord bellowed, flames practically shooting out of his eyes. He turned to Eddie, who still continued to laugh. " **You! Bardic warrior! Contact my Minion Master at once!** "

"Ah hahahah, alright." Eddie said between laughs, activating his ECHO. "Heh, hey Magnus, you there?"

"Yo, Eddie, what's up?" Magnus responded on the other line.

"Can you put Gnarl in the call?" Eddie asked, shooting a mirthful glance at the fuming Overlord. "His Master wants to talk to him and I don't have his number."

"Well why didn't Mr. Evil call Gnarl himself?" Magnus asked.

"All I can say is do you want a pizza delivery?" Eddie asked, prompting a few giggles from Travis.

 _(Rick: Wow, Meesta Pizza is getting really dedicated to deliveries.)_

 _(Slick: If they were so dedicated, they'd take that dedication and put it in their cardboard pizzas and actually make something worth buying!)_

 _(Rick: Hostile.)_

"Oh great darkness, did it happen again?" Gnarl's voice asked, joining the call. "He dialed the wrong number because of the technology, didn't he?"

"This happens a lot?" Eddie asked, suddenly fighting another urge to laugh.

"Unfortunately, my Lord is not as well versed to some of the technology the IDA gives to its associates." Gnarl said, almost woefully. "He once tried to contact one of his fellow Overlords using… oh, what you call it… a smart phone, and somehow managed to order a bucket of fried chicken legs." Eddie couldn't hold back, any more, and frankly, neither could Magnus. The Roadie and his Crew Manager burst into laughter, collapsing on the ground, while Travis and Jack just got their second winds. The Overlord simply stood still, absolutely to fuming to the point his armor started to heat up.

" **GNARL!** " The Overlord bellowed over his allies' laughter. " **WHY DID YOU BRING THAT UP?!** "

"M-m-m-my Lord!" Gnarl stammered. "I wasn't aware you were listening. Forgive an old fool for telling a bit of a story…" The Overlord sighed deeply as his allies slowed their laughter.

"These mortals are rubbing off on me…" The Overlord muttered. "Very well, Gnarl, you are pardoned this once. Now…" He glanced at the others, who had finally ceased laughing. "Any more in you? Got it all out? No more laughing at the Overlord? Good."

"What is it you called of me, Master?" Gnarl asked, finally getting to business.

"I've found Giblet." The Overlord said, shoving Travis over before he could object. "He claims to know where the Brown Minion Hive is."

"Masta proud! Giblet happy when Masta proud!" Giblet cheered, hopping with every word.

"Now, the real issue is getting it to a safe location once we find it." The Overlord said.

"Shit, yeah, I forgot about that!" Travis realized. "How are we going to get that thing back to the Lookout Watch? We can't take it back now, not with us being so close to killing the Fiend Leader."

"And given the size of the Hive," The Overlord explained. "We can't carry it with us into battle. You are my chief advisor, Gnarl. Solutions!" Everyone sat in silence, pondering how to solve the situation. Well, the Heart of Steel, Gnarl, and even Magnus did. Giblet just stood there and picked his nose.

"What about a portal or somethin'?" Magnus suggested. "I mean, Lookout Watch has a ton of those. Why don't we, I dunno, link a portal from the Fiend Base to the Watch and shove the Hive through there."

"Magnus, you smell, diaper-wearing man creature!" The Overlord shouted. "That is possibly…" He paused, his ruby red eyes widening in surprise. "The most obviously brilliant idea I've heard in a long time."

"He's right!" Gnarl exclaimed. "Each Base is known to have a linked portal using Magitech that connects to the Lookout Watch of each area, according to the information Agent Cinder provided. All we need to do is locate it and take control!"

"Plus, it'll make a quick getaway after we fight." Jack added. "Sounds like a plan, then."

"Jack and I found the stairs," Eddie said. "So let's get a move on." The men grunted in agreement and began making their way to the stairs. Except for Eddie, still in the call with Gnarl. "You got any other stories about the Overlord fumbling with technology?"

"Thousands." Gnarl said, practically grinning mischievously on the other end. "There was this one time with the bread maker and-"

" **GNARL!** "

 _(Slick: I still have the case file from that incident! Leveled a whole residential block, I recall.)_

 _(Rick: If I remember, it involves the bread maker, a bag of yeast, and a Mann Co. Teleporter.)_

 _(Slick: They still haven't rebuilt the Ginyu Training Dojo…)_

* * *

After a little bit of wandering (and Eddie favoring a blow to the head from an incredibly irate Overlord), the Heart of Steel finally reached the second floor of the building, where the Brown Minions were apparently being held. The Overlord gave Giblet the order to lead them to the Hive, the little blacksmith happy to serve. Almost immediately after Giblet made the turn down the hall, however, they just so happened to run into a trio of thickly armored Fiends carrying shotguns.

"One of those freaks escaped!" One Fiend shouted. "FUCK 'EM UP!" Giblet screamed as he rolled out of the hall, narrowly avoiding the buckshot blasts from the Fiends. While the Minion tried to tame his rapid breathing, the Overlord stepped in, blocking the hallway with his size while the Fiends continued to pump lead into his armor. The result: Nothing but a few dents. The Overlord swung his mace with vigor and rage into the Fiends, shattering their skulls and killing them instantly. The other men tentatively poked their heads out from behind their cover, while the Overlord strode towards Giblet, hefting his Minion off the ground.

"Upon returning to the Lookout Watch," The Overlord commanded. "You will buff out the dents before my next conquest." The Minion nodded vigorously, continuing to shuffle along as he led the way to the Hive. They continued about the grey and crumbling building, hardly encountering any resistance aside from a few guards (who were quickly dispatched by Jack snapping their necks) before Giblet finally reached the promised area.

"In here! In here!" Giblet excitedly whispered, pointing down a doorway. "Minion brothas in here!" The Heart of Steel followed Giblet to the room, and sure enough, there it was: The Brown Minion Hive. It looked like a disgustingly large skin pustule, a pinkish welt with yellow glowing warts and a few small openings along the surface. Chained along the walls were other Brown Minions, some wearing leather barding and metal helmets, others with random objects that could only be described as a poor-man's headwear. The instant they saw their master appear before them, the Minions began immediately cheering for his appearance.

"Masta! Da Masta is here!" One Minion exclaimed.

"We go free! Stinky men no hurt us no more!" Another cheered.

"LOOK OUT BEHIND YOU!" A third shouted. The Overlord barely had time to respond to his Minion's claims before-

"PAIN TRAIN INCOMING!" A loud voice shouted. The three other men gaped in shock as a muscular Fiend rammed full speed into the Overlord, knocking the armored menace over and slamming him into the wall. Jack studied this new opponent, taking note of his muscular physique, yet notably burned body. He wore no shirt, but was adorned in torn military pants and boots. He appeared to have no weapons, but the real kicker came when he raised his head to address the rest of the group.

"Hey! That looks like the Overlord's helmet!" Travis shouted, drawing his beam katana. Sure enough, the Fiend was wearing the exact same helmet the Overlord wore, right down to the black metal and the spikes on the top. The only thing he was missing was the darkness masking his face.

"Thunk found new toys to play with?" The Fiend rumbled, cracking his knuckles. "Joe said there'd be fun, but Thunk didn't think there'd be this much!"

 _(Slick: Hey, Rick, do we have any info on Thunk over there?)_

 _(Rick: All I got is a bunch of medical files regarding extreme Jet addiction and several bills for cranial reconstruction.)_

 _(Slick: Good thing he's got a helmet then.)_

"Who the hell calls themselves 'Thunk'?" Eddie mused, readying his axe.

"Thunk does!" Thunk exclaimed, striding towards the group. "Because that's what happens when Thunk does what Thunk does best."

"Repeat his name obnoxiously?" Travis joked. And then Thunk clonked him on the head, sending him on the ground.

"Thunk people!" Thunk shouted, standing over Travis as he rubbed his head. Jack and Eddie immediately prepared themselves, engaging themselves in the large Fiend in combat. On the side, the Overlord pulled himself out of the indentation in the wall and shot a glance to Giblet.

"Giblet…" The Overlord said. "Why does that human have my helmet?"

"Eh…" Giblet started twiddling with his hammer. "Smelly man leader made Giblet make Masta's armor for his minions. Poked me with burn sword if Giblet no make armor." The Overlord started to growl, realizing that since the Fiends now possessed pieces of his armor, but Giblet said something that changed his mood exponentially. "But Giblet use brain. Giblet no use Nether Steel to make armor, like Masta's. Giblet use scrap and junk, so armor break easily." The Overlord paused, surprised that a Minion other than Gnarl or his personal Jester was smart enough to formulate a sneaky plan such as that. His anger subsided, and he looked towards his other Minions, still chained to the wall.

"Go free the others." The Overlord commanded. "I have a plan." The others were barely holding their ground against the lumbering Thunk, with his brute force knocking the three men about, despite their strength could take. Travis was favoring a massive bruise on his forehead, Eddie was recovering from a tough blow to the gut, and Jack was in a struggle with the Fiend, the stress between the shoves threatened to break his metal arm. However, saviors came in the form of the sound of growling, as Thunk was momentarily distracted, turning about to see the number of opponents had gone from five, to fifteen.

"FOR DA MASTA!" Giblet yelled, brandishing his hammer with pride. The freed Minions bellowed war cries of their own, charging at Thunk, tackled him to the ground, and began to viciously beat him to death. Needless to say, their master was proud.

 _(Slick & Rick: Worst. Deus Ex Machina. Ever.)_

"Alright, alright," The Overlord said, stepping over to his Minions. "Step aside. I get the killing blow, remember?" The Minions cackled, stepping away from the broken, bruised and battered form of Thunk, the formerly massive man now reduced to a blubbering wreck. Slowly, the Overlord removed the mockery of his helmet from the fallen Fiend, exposing his bleeding and broken face, and with ease, crushed it between his hands like a paper crane. And with no hesitation whatsoever, he raised his boot and stomped the Fiend's head in like a bug.

"That looked painful." Travis remarked as the Overlord removed his boot from the blood crater. "Don't forget to scrap the brain off, it leaves a stain."

"Or in your case, rust." Eddie added. The Overlord turned to his Minions, all gathered and bowed to their leader. With a single wave of his Minion Gauntlet, the Minions rose and gathered around their Hive and hefted it off the ground. The Overlord moved to face his allies, folding his arms and staring off.

"Go and find the Transportation Portal." The Overlord instructed. "I will stay with my Minions, ECHO me when you succeed."

"You got it, big guy." Jack said, nodding as he, Travis and Eddie bolted down the hall, vanishing from sight. The Overlord looked down at the body of Thunk, then to the scrap helmet in his hand, and finally to Giblet.

"How many pieces of armor did you make?" The Overlord asked. Giblet smiled, holding his hands behind his back.

"One set. All poopy junk." Giblet stated. The Overlord chuckled. This was going to be a fun day.

 _(Slick: Poopy junk… isn't that what a Rusty Venture is?)_

 _(Rick: For the love of God, a Rusty Venture is where you *continuous censor* with the *censor* and then you take the *censor* and shove it up the *censor*, followed by a rigorous shower to question your existence.)_

 _(Slick: Holy shit.)_

 _(Rick: What? I know my sex terms like you know your drugs.)_

 _(Slick: Shut up before another Commentator duo decides to sue.)_


	9. Chapter 8

**Chapter Eight:** _ **Joe the Render, Fiend Warlord**_

 **Location: Urbania**

 **Lookout Watch**

Cinder watched through the monitors of the Lookout Watch's various computers, tracking the Heart of Steel's progress as they dealt with Fiends and retrieved the Brown Minion Hive. The orange-suited man smirked, satisfied at how successful the first mission was going, plucking a cigarette from his suit.

"They've got the Hive." Cinder announced to the others in the room. Sylvia and Magnus were talking to each other about something, Gnarl was examining the map at the center, and the recently arrived Mr. Murphy was going over some business deals for the Gun Runner Sponsorship. "They'll pop it through a portal and send it here." He turned and faced Gnarl, leaning down to face the elderly Minion Master. "Do we have a place to keep it safe, Nab?"

" _Gnarl_ …" Gnarl growled, reiterating his name for the third time today. "And yes, there is a section one floor down large enough to house all four Minion Hives, once we acquire them."

"Excellent!" Cinder cheered, straightening up and walking towards Mr. Murphy. "And have your people started moving equipment here yet?"

"We've got robots on standby," Mr. Murphy clarified. "And a few crates of gear are already placed in storage." Murphy put his papers away, frowning at Cinder. "You know, when we arranged this deal for giving arms for an army, I had expected there to be at least, oh I don't know, _an actual army_?" Cinder returned the frown, snapping his gloved fingers, causing his forefinger to ignite, allowing him to take a puff of his cigarette.

 _(Rick: I can't tell, is he magic, a Splicer, or… how did he do that?)_

 _(Slick: Home-made lighter gloves. Flint and tinder in the fingers and thumb with non-flammable material. Great for a quick light… But bad if you rub 'em together in a gassy room.)_

 _(Rick: And you know this because…)_

 _(Slick: Remember when I came to the office burnt and lacking eyebrows?)_

"What would you do," Cinder said, pacing about as smoke fled from his mouth like foggy dew. "If you had four incredibly powerful men at your disposal and have true strength at your fingertips?" Nobody answered. "Naturally, you'd think you're invincible, that no army can overcome you. That is a fools thought." He turned about, taking another inhale of his cigarette. "You see, wars are not won by generals and commanders alone, Mr. Murphy, but by the soldiers themselves. And how do you get these soldiers?" Murphy was about to answer, but Cinder immediately interrupted him. "Through the generals. In this case, we have our four generals, each with talents in gathering forces and leading the charge, and we've sent them out to scour for suitable soldiers."

 _(Slick: Eat your heart out, Sun Tzu.)_

 _(Rick: Careful, he might be listening.)_

"Dude, you call the Fiends 'soldiers'?" Magnus asked, his tone skeptical and concerned. "That's about the dumbest thing I've heard all day."

"I agree with Magnus." Sylvia said, stepping in. "Fiends are nothing more than savages, violent and unstable raiders who would sooner kill a commanding officer and proceed to have sex with a fern than actually follow orders."

"She's not wrong…" Murphy interjected. "But Fiends are essentially warriors and fighters, otherwise why would the IDA allow them into their ranks?"

"Indeed, tribal men and bandits are known to be malleable in terms of breeding armies." Gnarl added, tapping the floor with his cane. "I remember one Overlord who united ten tribes of bandits and Wildmen to form an army of violent outsiders. They were unpredictable, yes, but they got the job done."

"Truth be told," Cinder said, puffing a cloud of smoke. "I don't care whether or not Heart of Steel decides to have the Fiends be part of our army," He glanced at the screen, watching as Travis, Jack, and Eddie carted the portal machine back to the Overlord. "All that matters is Joe the Render is defeated, otherwise we can't continue with the Tournament. Be it that they kill him or ally with him, I don't care." Off to the side, the portal machine clicked and whooshed as a circular gateway opened up, a purple and yellow swirling vortex within a circular hoop, the sounds of Travis and Eddie cheering on the other side. "I just care about winning and getting that wish."

"Aren't you going to offer a smoke?" Mr. Murphy asked. Cinder scoffed, taking yet another puff.

"No." He said. He glanced down at the monitors viewing the exterior of Fiend Central, not taking notice of several familiar men wearing purple and white garb running inside the building, all heavily armed. "Oh, that can't be good."

* * *

 **Location: Fiend Central**

The portal device activated, opening an entryway large enough to fit the Brown Minion Hive and then some. The Overlord motioned for his Minions to carry the Hive, all but Giblet rushing to follow the command. Giblet stood at attention before his Master, who towered over him like a dark tower.

"Giblet, take the Hive to the other side of the portal," The Overlord ordered. "And listen to whatever instructions Gnarl gives of you. Darkness be done." Giblet nodded vigorously, joining his hideous brethren as they carried the Hive through the portal, vanishing as soon as they passed through.

"You done?" Jack asked, folding his arms. The Overlord turned and nodded, silent and stern. "Good, now let's go and kick some ass." The four men filed out of the room, turning down the hall and heading up the stairs. The group wandered the hallways, coming across nothing but dilapidated rooms and no Fiends, much to their surprise. Travis was actually starting to get bored from not having anything to kill, but his wishes came true when they heard some odd shouting down a corridor.

"Do it!" Shouted a Fiend. "Do it, damn it!" The four men poked their heads out from behind the corridor and saw two Fiends, one wearing faux Overlord grieves, jumping like a lunatic, and the other holding a pistol to… the crotch of the first guy.

"I'm gonna do it!" The other Fiend shouted, clicking the pistol.

"This shit is bullet proof!" The armor wearing Fiend cackled. "I wanna test it, so shoot me you shit!" Eddie shifted slightly, about to deal with the Fiends, but the Overlord firmly planted his armored hand on the Roadie's shoulder, giving the best 'wait and see' look he could while wearing his helmet. The gun went off, and just as the Overlord expected, but not at all like the Fiend did, the bullet tore right through the mockery of his armor, and blew the Fiend's pelvis to a giant hole.

 _(Rick: Pride of the IDA intelligence, right there.)_

 _(Slick: He's not the dumbest, y'know.)_

 _(Rick: Yeah, that spot's reserved for you.)_

 _(Slick: I hold the trophy with pride… HEY!)_

"GYAHAHAHA!" The now injured Fiend cried, shielding his damaged area. "FUCKING HELL! THEY SAID IT WAS BULLET PROOF!"

"And I say you're a dumbass," The shooter roared in laughter. "How'd an idiot like you last this long in the tournament?!"

"Good question." Travis said, immediately darting from the cover, brandishing the blue blade of his beam katana, and decapitated the Fiend who was shot. "How did he last so long?" He didn't give the Fiend long enough time to answer before swinging his blade and cutting him in two. "Sorry, time's up."

"I'm going to be honest," Eddie said, walking up to Travis. "That was the weakest kill line I've heard you say." Travis rolled his eyes, continuing down the hall with the group in tow. After rounding another corner, they came across an immediate dead end, an odd pedestal stationed in front of the wall. On the pedestal, there was a bright red button, and a sign that so crudely said ' _ **Com fite me, hit butun**_ '.

 _(Rick: Illiteracy, thy name is Fiend.)_

 _(Slick: Did you really just say 'thy' in a sentence?)_

"Normally, I'd question the method to start a fight," Jack said, striding up to the pedestal. "But these are Fiends we're talking about. So… What the hell." The DeathWatcher immediately slammed his metal fist onto the switch, sounding a loud factory alarm as the building began to shake and tremble. The four men grouped together, back to back and weapons at the ready, as the walls around them fell to the floor. The office around them was gone, replaced with the twisted skeleton of the building, filled with rubble, burning furniture, and Fiends climbing all over the framework like a manic monkey cage. And at the center of it all, sitting in a red swivel chair, was the leader of them all. He was a filthy muscular man, though nowhere near as bulked as Bonehead or Thunk, but just as thick, wearing nothing but leather pants and boots, his chest covered in bullet scars and cuts, head completely shaven with his lips curled up in a snarl. Strapped to his back was a motorcycle engine turned into a pack, connected to a long, oil-coated metal rod.

* * *

 _ **Joe the Render, the Fiend Warlord!**_

* * *

 _(Rick: And here's the grand Poo-Bah of the IDA Fiends, Joe the Render. Formerly a wanted criminal for crimes against humanity, he signed on with the IDA after helping save the Mojave Wasteland from being glassed by the Order of Purity.)_

 _(Slick: I hate that bastard. He's smart and violent, which is a dangerous combination for a raider. He was so damn smart, he united the Fiends and took over after the last leader died by his hand. That Shishkebab weapon of his was tricked out to spew flames, making him a dangerous fucker. They call him 'the Render' because he'll rend the flesh from his enemy's bones.)_

 _(Rick: Standard raider fare, sounds like it.)_

 _(Slick: Most raiders don't have goddamn flaming weapons!)_

 _(Rick: What about Cook-Cook?)_

 _(Slick: What_ about _Cook-Cook?)_

"So you're the bunch of la-de-dah twats who've been killing my clansmen." Joe said, rising from his seat, growling in a deep voice. "So you want to knock my crown off my head, do you?"

"Yep." Travis said, igniting his beam katana. "So here's the plan: We kick your ass, get one step closer to winning the Tournament, get the wish, and I go home and watch Bizarre Jelly 5 and relax."

"Isn't that the Extra Bukkake Special?" Joe asked, jabbing a finger towards Travis. "I've been dying to see it!"

"Fuck yeah, it's awesome." Travis chuckled, dropping his guard. "Holy hell, you watch Bizarre Jelly? Didn't think you guys had anime in the Wasteland."

 _(Rick: Hey, Slick, what the hell is Bizarre Jelly?)_

 _(Slick: You don't wanna know. I didn't wanna know, but Watcher told me, and now I'm telling you: you don't wanna know.)_

 _(Rick: … It's that Anime porno that's fruit themed isn't it?!)_

 _(Slick: EH, LALALALALALALALALA – I'M NOT LISTENING – LALALALA !)_

"We don't!" Joe guffawed. "I wanted to learn some other world stuff when I joined the IDA, and I found that at the 2y-Records under something I couldn't read. Still can't read. But that show just sets things off I usually get when I'm gutting people."

"Please stop talking." Jack somewhat begged. "This is too fucking uncomfortable."

"Yeah, I get one helluva fun time from killing people, skinning their bones, and watching Bizarre Jelly." Joe said, a proud smile on his face. "Plus a little something more."

"Shut up! PLEASE!" Jack shouted, straining his voice. Everyone was quiet, even Travis and the hooting Fiends shut their mouths.

"… It's a hard on." Joe quickly said.

"RRAAAAAAGH!" Jack yelled, retracting his chainsaw with a roar. Joe laughed, plucking the metal rod from his belt.

"Finally, now I get to fight." Joe evilly chuckled, holding the rod like a sword. "I think it's time to show you meat sacks why they call me," He pressed a button on the rod, causing the oil soaked portion to ignite into a massive flaming sword. "THE RENDER, HAHAHAHAAH!"

* * *

 _ **Heart of Steel vs. Joe the Render**_

 _ **Ranked Battle**_

 _ **FIGHT!**_

 _(Recommended music for the Fight: Firewater from_ Dead Rising 2: Off the Record _)_

* * *

Jack immediately took off from his position, swinging his chainsaw arm directly at Joe with breakneck speeds. The Fiend Chieftain smirked, taking a defensive stance and poising his flaming blade to block. Chainsaw met flaming metal, sparks and embers flying between the two and peppering their bodies. Jack and Joe grunted between the strength of their pushes, while the others ran out and joined to help. Joe saw the backup arriving, quickly broke the lock and dove backwards, scraping his sword on the sheet metal below him.

"Four on one, huh?" Joe mused, seeing Travis, Eddie, and the Overlord joining Jack, arms at the ready. "That doesn't seem like a fair fight." He rose to his feet, grasping the blade between his hands. "For you." The Fiend spun his sword around in a blazing helicopter, creating a torrent of flame that grew larger and larger the faster he spun, until it grew so large he had to hold the rising inferno above his head. "SLASH-KEBAB!" Joe immediately stopped spinning, flicking his wrist and sending a burning discus flying right at the four men. They weren't fast enough to dodge out of the way, but the No More Hero did the next best thing: return to sender. He dove in front of the flaming wheel, blocking it with his beam katana and holding it at bay.

"Game point!" Travis shouted, swatting the attack back at the Fiend leader. "SERVICE!" Joe quickly dove out of the way, narrowly avoiding the attack as it instead crashed into the wall, roasting a group of spectator Fiends who had congregated there. "I don't even watch tennis."

"I think that was volleyball." Eddie suggested, strumming his guitar. "Let's sound the Battle Cry!" Eddie immediately played a loud and invigorating riff that boosted the spirits of his comrades, giving them a feeling of strength, power, courage, and of course metal. Eddie and Travis took charge, bolting towards Joe as he stood up. Eddie immediately locked his axe with the flaming weapon, forcing Joe to once again find himself in a stalemate. Travis immediately took the opportunity to deal as much damage as possible, slashing at him from around with his Bloody Berry katana.

 _(Rick: For those of you wondering why Travis' beam katana doesn't do instant damage like an actual lightsaber, instead doing a crippling attack, it's because… because…)_

 _(Slick: It runs on MOE! MOE I SAY!)_

 _(Rick: Slick, for the love of god…)_

 _(Slick: MOOOOEEEEEEEEEE!)_

Joe was sufficiently winded, but nowhere near exhausted. Luckily for him, he had an ace up his sleeve. He kicked Eddie in the leg, breaking the lock, tripped Travis up, and bolted for the swivel chair. He stood up on the chair, hands raised in the air, and bellowed a war cry at the top of his lungs. The Fiends all around them responded in their own hoots and howls, grabbing their weapons and diving down to join the fray, forcing the Heart of Steel to regroup in the center. Needless to say, they were sufficiently surrounded.

"Never fuck with a Warlord when his clan is watching!" Joe cackled, watching as the Fiends shook their weapons and forced them into a circle. Eddie looked around and counted the numbers of the enemy, and measured up to about sixty.

"Okay, this makes things pretty difficult." Eddie said, waving his axe around.

"So, here's what I think." Jack said, cracking his knuckles. "I'll take the fifteen on my side, Travis, you get the fifteen in front of you, Eddie, get the fifteen in front of you, and Overlord, you've got the other fifteen."

" **Screw you, I'll take sixteen**." The Overlord boomed, twirling his mace.

"That's the spirit, big guy." Travis chuckled, clutching his beam katana firmly between his hands. Joe and the Fiends cackled, amused by the group of four's bravado. But soon their laughter was drowned out by the roar of bullets and the screams of Fiends as they were gunned down. The Overlord guffawed, seeing their backup had arrived as instructed: the Brown Minions had returned, and they were packing heat. Giblet led the charge, clutching a slightly worn shotgun alongside his hammer, chittering with laughter as he gunned down a Fiend, while the rest wielded pistols and submachine guns.

 _(Rick and Slick *singing*: Here they come to slay the day~!)_

"I hope the reinforcements are suitable, my lord." Gnarl said over ECHO.

" **Most suitable, Gnarl.** " The Overlord chuckled, watching in malicious glee as his Minions slaughtered the Fiends, leaving Joe the Render absolutely speechless.

"My… my clan!" Joe sputtered. "My Fiends!" The Overlord strode up to the Fiend leader, dropping his mace to his side.

" **You're grave.** " The Overlord boomed. He grabbed Joe's head, ripped his weapon from his back, and hoisted him two feet above the ground. " **And now, you die.** "

"Wait! Wait!" Joe begged, feeling immense pain as metal fingers dug into his skull. "I… I can make a deal! Something for the lot of us!"

"No dice." Travis said, twirling his beam katana between his fingers. "You've got nothing good to offer us. Nothing worth offering from a murderous raider like you." Before he could move to the kill, Jack stuck his arm in front of Travis, an intrigued look on his face.

"Let's hear him out." Jack said, gesturing for Joe to continue.

"You guys are stronger than the Fiends," Joe admitted, spitting a bit of blood out. "Stronger than me. So here's what I suggest: Instead of killing me and wiping the Fiends out, you let me live and we'll become your allies."

"Fuck. That." Travis said, a snarl curling on his lips. "There is no way I'm going to ally with these fucking psychopaths… Even if he does like Bizarre Jelly."

"Listen, I've got more to say – Ah!" Joe stammered, cringing under the pain in his skull. "You may have killed most of us in our base, but we're still pretty spread out, lots of us! I give the word and we regroup, and you've got yourself a formidable force of the Mojave Wasteland's own Fiends. Whaddaya say?"

* * *

 _Author's Note: Once again, a choice is presented. Do our band of killers do what they came here to do and eliminate Joe the Render? Or do they take the Raider Warlord's offer and gain new completely unstable allies? The choice is yours. Post an answer in the reviews or send a PM, and we'll add it to the tally. Just remember, each choice has an advantage and a consequence… Oh, and for the record, this is a logic choice, not a morality choice. Good hunting, readers!_

 _Also, apologies for making the fight against Joe the Render so short, there wasn't really much to work with between a team of three writers, so sorry if the fight seems a bit lack-luster._


	10. Chapter 9

**Chapter Nine** : **Buckle Up, Boys**

 **Location: Fiend Central**

 **Urbania**

"What do I say?" Jack rhetorically asked. He glanced to his allies, trying to get a read on their expressions. Travis and Eddie both held looks of discontent with the fact he was even considering the offer, scowls on their faces and arms folded across their chests. The Overlord once again held a mask of apathy, not caring whether or not a deal is struck, only desiring to let blood spill. So Jack went with his gut and gave the most reasonable answer he could, looking Joe the Render dead in the eye. "I say put him down, big guy."

"Wait, what?" Travis and Eddie asked, completely shocked.

 _(Rick & Slick: Wait, what?)_

"You heard what I said." Jack reiterated. "Put Joe down, we've got ourselves a deal." The Overlord grumbled, throwing the Fiend Warlord to the ground with an unceremonious thud. While Travis was busy attempting to make a coherent sentence emphasized by wild arm movement and Eddie shook his head in resignation, Jack lifted Joe off the ground by his shoulder, slugged him on the shoulder and extended his arm in a handshake. "Don't make me regret this."

"You won't, pal." Joe said with a crooked smile, shaking Jack's robotic hand. Once the grip was broken, Joe turned to the Fiends that had survived the onslaught of the Minions. "FIENDS OF THE MOJAVE! Put out a call to action! We're joining the Heart of Steel's army! Contact all Chieftains and Warlords in the area to haul their asses to the Lookout Watch! First piss-pot to get this done gets a shitload of Jet and Psycho in their next pay raise!" The Fiends hooted and hollered at their leaders command, grabbing as much gear as they could and bolting out of the room through whatever entrance they could find or make. Joe turned with a satisfying grin to Jack, arms folded across his chest. "Can't wait to knock some heads with you guys."

 _(Slick: You know, I think they made a good choice in getting an intelligent guy like Joe to work with them. I foresee great things in the future for the Heart of Steel.)_

 ***BANG! SQUISH!***

 _(Rick: You wanna retract that previous statement?)_

 _(Slick: Nah, I'm good.)_

Jack blinked rapidly, aware of two things at the moment: One was that Joe had a chunk of his head blown to gunk. Two was that the chunk was now splattered all over his face.

"HOLY SHIT!" Travis shouted, activating his beam katana. Jack watched as Joe's body fell to the ground, and standing behind it was none other than Shaundi, holding a smoking pistol, and a whole battalion of Saints armed with loads of guns.

"… **To be honest, I was going to corrupt him into being a permanent servant.** " The Overlord said, pointing at Joe's corpse. " **But now I won't.** **Not too happy about it**."

"Suck it up, you gigantic evil lightening rod." Shaundi shouted, pointing her gun at them. A few of the Saints behind her shot her several 'are you serious?' looks. "What? The Boss is the quip guy, not me." Eddie slacked a bit, recognizing the Saint he'd saved earlier.

"Oh hey, Shaundi right?" Eddie said, stepping forward, only to have the gun pointed at him. "Woah, hey, it's me. Remember, I saved you from those Fiends a few hours ago."

"Yeah, and now you're working with them." Shaundi spat, glaring daggers at the Roadie. "We came here to do some clean up to make way for a new base, but it looks like you got in the way." The Heart of Steel and Minions readied their weapons, all prepared to attack, when something strange happened. As Shaundi started her advance, her boot kicked against something on the ground. The Saint Lieutenant looked down, and all the color flushed from her face as she recognized the familiar rectangular package. "Oh son of a bi-."

 ***KABOOOOOOOOOOOOOOM***

 _(Slick: C4, always a good way to clear a room. Both figuratively and very literally.)_

The four men flinched from the sudden explosion, clearing their eyes from the dust and rubble that was kicked up. Looking at the wreckage, they saw that all of the Saints had been blasted to kingdom come. Not a single survivor. The room was completely quiet, save for the shouting of one single Fiend wearing a blast mask and spike armor, clutching a detonator and wearing a bandolier of dynamite.

"Bitch went boom! Bahahaha!" He cackled, jumping up and down. "That's what ya get when ya mess with the Fiends! Am I right?!" He hopped down to the Heart of Steel, arms extended in an open embrace. "Right?!"

"Thanks for the save… uh…" Jack said, waiting for the Fiend to give his name.

"Mitch the Match!" The Fiend said. "I was Joe's Number Two, and now that he's dead, I'm the Number One! Means I lead all the Fiends!" The four men, even the Minions, stared incredulously at this new leader, comparing him to the now deceased Joe the Render. "Look, I know I'm not Joe, but I'm smarter than the whole lot of Fiends under our command. I'll lead 'em good, you can count on it." Jack rolled his eyes, growing tired of the whole situation.

 _(Rick: Files show that Mitch the Match was part of Joe's initial inner circle before joining the IDA, so I'd say he's a somewhat less than suitable replacement, but a good substitute.)_

"Fine, whatever." Jack said, turning to his allies. "C'mon, let's head back to the Watch, I'm sure the Saints left the portal open." As the Heart of Steel and the Minion menagerie left, with Mitch bolting out an open window, they filed this skirmish under a victorious success. Not only did they get the Brown Minions, but they also acquired new allies, as unhinged they may be. They couldn't wait to celebrate victory once they returned to Lookout Watch

* * *

 **Location: Urbania Lookout Watch**

"Hey we're back!" Travis cheerfully said, emerging from the other side of the portal alongside his comrades. He was greeted with a coffee mug thrown his direction, narrowly missing his head and shattering on the wall. "Shit, what the hell was that for?!" The four men took the moment to see an absolutely furious Agent Cinder pacing about the room, tossing things around and shouting angrily, while the others were in a corner hoping to avoid the wrath.

"Damn it all to hell!" Agent Cinder shouted, knocking papers off a table. "Of all the god damn bullshit that could happen, this is – GAH!"

"What bit you in the ass while we were out?" Eddie asked, watching the brightly dressed man fume.

"What bit my ass, Mr. Riggs?" Cinder angrily asked, glaring behind his orange-tinted sunglasses. "The Monarch did, that's who!"

"A freaking butterfly bit your ass?" Jack asked, folding his arms as Cinder groaned.

"Not _a_ monarch, you meat heads!" Cinder groaned loudly. " _The_ Monarch, the D-List Supervillain from the Guild of Calamitous Intent! The long-eyebrowed asshole with the sexy wife with the extremely off-putting voice, the legions of henchmen, and now THIS!" He grabbed a remote and pointed it at a nearby television screen. The screen flickered on, displaying an image of Urbania, as well as what appeared to be a large cocoon floated above the buildings.

"That's a flying cocoon." Travis pointed out. Cinder groaned once more.

 _(Slick: That always looked like I flying crap to me.)_

 _(Rick: Why does that not surprise me?)_

"That's the Monarch's Mighty Flying Cocoon," Cinder explained. "A massive flying fortress that houses thousands of Henchmen and is fully equipped with hundreds of weaponry capable of levelling a small army." He glared at the people in the room. "That, ladies, gentlemen, and Minions, is a threat."

"The Monarch has a steady control of a sizeable sector of Urbania," Silvia said, striding to the map table. "A sector larger than what the Fiends controlled. Ever since he acquired his Cocoon, it's been expanding rapidly."

"He has got to be stopped." Cinder said, slamming his hands on the table. "That flying piece of crap is an unfair advantage in the Tournament, something that many competitors will have. So we're going to level the playing field by taking that thing down." Jack and Travis were liking where he was going with this.

"Okay, how?" Eddie asked. "I can only fly so high and fast, and that Cocoon looks like it's constantly moving." This time, it was Magnus' turn to start chuckling.

"Dudes," Magnus said, shaking his head. "Christmas has come early this year for you guys."

 _(Slick: Last year for Christmas I got a Red Rider BB Gun.)_

 _(Rick: Surprised you didn't shoot your eye out.)_

 _(Slick: Nope, but the Mall Santa sure was.)_

 _(Rick and Slick: *loud laughter*)_

 _(Slick: Ahaha, but seriously I accidentally blinded a Mall Santa.)_

* * *

The doors to the lowest floor opened up, leading all the members of the team into something even Agent Cinder was unaware of: a large garage. Inside the spacious room were several parking spots filled with vehicles from across the known universes. Cars, jeeps, motorcycles, trucks, hover-bikes, tanks, even a fully functioning VTOL and some sort of inactive giant robotic head. However, what really stood out in the room were three vehicles under three spotlights. One was an incredibly impressive and well-cared for Harley Motorcycle, painted black and polished to perfection. Six sets of exhaust pipes sat on the leaned back leather seat, and the wheels looked strong enough to crush a man's skull. Next to that was the single most metal hot rod car, a sleek black two seater machine of metal, with large white wall tires, a gigantic skull engine, a spiked tower shield on the hood, five exhaust pipes attached to three nitro tanks, velvet seats, and a kickass radio. And lastly was an incredibly unique looking motorcycle, with a sleek white rectangular form, highlighted with orange paint, four hydraulic exhaust ports, a gigantic set of wheels with the words 'Grasshopper' imprinted on it, a comfy white seat, and plenty of foot space. The reaction to the three vehicles was instantaneously positive.

"Holy fucking shit!" Travis said in disbelief, his smile threatening to split his face as he ran over to the white motorcycle. "How'd the get the Schpeltiger?" Jack walked over to the Harley, putting his hands on the handle bars.

"We never requisitioned getting our rides in the Tournament." Jack muttered, feeling the familiar leather of the grip around his fingers. A loud engine roar echoed throughout the room, all eyes falling on Eddie as he sat in the driver's seat of the car.

"Who the hell cares?" Eddie laughed. "I'm in the Druid Plow again, and I'm happy." The Roadie turned to face Magnus, the crew manager displaying a look of smug confidence. "How'd you find all this, Magnus?"

"Eh, I got bored waiting for you guys to get back," Magnus said, rubbing the back of his neck. "So I did some poking around. There's a cafeteria, bedrooms, arcade, war room, even three shower blocks, man!"

"Maybe you should use one then." Gnarl said, examining the room, a frown evident on his face. "My lord does not have a chariot like the rest of you, this presents a problem."

"No need, Gnarl." The Overlord said, moving towards the Druid Plow. "There is a second seat on this chariot." The menace of evil slowly began to climb into the passenger seat of the car, much to Eddie's dismay.

"Hey hey HEY!" Eddie shouted as the Overlord sat down. "Don't scratch the paint or tear the seats with those spikes on your armor!" The car creaked under the massive weight it was now supporting, but still was standing sturdy as ever. A wicked giggling was heard as Agent Cinder ran over to the vehicles the Heart of Steel, gears churning in his head like clockwork.

"Oh man, this is absolutely brilliant!" Cinder chittered. "I see that all your vehicles have some sort of super-exhaust, making a perfect speed boost. And with all the debris and junk scattered around…"

"We can use ramps to send our rides flying," Travis said, hopping on the Schpeltiger's seat. "And ram into the Cocoon, knocking that flying turd out of the sky!"

"Best idea I've ever made up!" Agent Cinder said, proudly laughing as a few silent stares were shot. "Alright, I'll map the current location of the Flying Cocoon on your ECHOs. Are you guys ready for this?" The response was a thunderous roar of three separate engines, shaking the foundations of the building. "Exactly what I wanted to hear. Buckle up, boys, you're going for a ride!" The four men all gave nods, and in their rides drove out of the room and up the ramp to the streets, ready to face hell on wheels with their newest challenge.

* * *

 _Author's Note: Got you there, didn't I? The choice you have voted for is the Morally Good but Logically Bad choice, resulting in the homicidal Fiends becoming allies and the incredibly powerful Saints to have issues with the Heart of Steel for killing one of their members. Surely no consequences will follow, right? Anyway, the Monarch is from the animated television series_ Venture Bros. _and Mitch the Match is based off an IDA Creative Consultant we call Mitch Match. Enjoy the story and keep posted for more events to occur in the future._

 _And remember: The Fate of One is the Fate of All_


	11. Chapter 10

**Chapter Ten:** _ **The Mighty Flying Cocoon**_

 **Location: Urbania Main Road**

When not in the midst of being used as a turf war for various factions in an all-out battle royal Ultimate Tournament, the Main Road of Urbania played host to numerous shops and restaurants for the citizens of Base Prime. It featured a collection of several varieties of cuisine from Alternate Earth countries, run by a group of extreme cultural stereotypes known as the Persona of the World (and that's in the most polite way to put it), several shops and markets selling paraphernalia and other junk, and even a street wide enough to support even the largest of vehicles. Unfortunately, the heyday of the Main Road vanishes during Tournament Time, with the area being currently the site of mass fighting between the 3rd Street Saints and the steadily encroaching Henchmen of the Monarch. You couldn't walk two feet without seeing either a bunch of thugs in purple and white street garb or men wearing yellow jumpsuits with bright orange wings shooting at each other with either bullets or butterfly darts. The only remotely clear location was the road itself, kept open to keep access for vehicles to move, and a dangerous location for fear of being attacked from above. Luckily, the only occupants of the road didn't have much to worry about in terms of enemy fire.

 _(Rick: Ah, Main Street, always a popular tourist/leisure site amongst the denizens of Base Prime. Great restaurants, great stores, great company…)_

 _(Slick: Great places to pick up hookers, pick fights, and score drugs…)_

 _(Rick: Is everything with you just sex, violence, and drugs?)_

 _(Slick: Mmmmm, yes~.)_

 _(Rick: Freude would have a field day with you.)_

 _(Slick: Like how the Monarch's having a field day with taking over the sector with that flying death machine of his. This place has become a deathtrap to any stupid fucker who walks around here, what with the costumed goons with lethalized tranquilizer darts and the gun toting Saints and all. Anybody dumb enough to go out in the open better keep their head down unless they want to get fucked with bullets and darts.)_

Any fighters near the road immediately dove for cover when they heard the roar of several engines, watching as smoke trailed down the road as three incredibly fast vehicles flew past, driven none other by the Heart of Steel. The Druid Plow occupied the center of the road, the car jostling about as it carried the driver and its passenger, Eddie having the time of his life while the Overlord clung to the seat as speed overtook him. Flanking the car on each side were Travis in his Schpeltiger motorcycle and Jack on his Harley, vigilantly watching the road as they kept an eye out for their target. Well, at least Jack was, Travis was too preoccupied laughing at the Overlord's predicament.

"What's the matter, big guy?" Travis jeered, watching as the Overlord gripped his seat so hard it threatened to tear. "Afraid of going fast?"

"Afraid? HA!" The Overlord laughed briefly before the car sped up. "I-I-I fear nothing! I just am not as comfortable moving at these kinds of speeds." He tightened his grip on the seat. "Yes, nothing to do with fear at all. This is a precautionary thing."

"Well will you quit being precautionary on my ride?" Eddie asked, irritated. "You're going to rip the seat." He grumbled, fiddling with the radio in his car. "Shit, I need some music to set the mood. Any of you guys like Metal?"

"Depends on the Metal." Jack asked, scanning the road. "Heavy Metal, Death Metal, and Black Metal are good."

"I killed a guy named Death Metal." Travis chuckled, leaning back on his seat. "That was the fight that really got me into the UAA. Bastard had a big electric razor blade, called himself the Holy Sword. Cut his arms and head off… Ah, takes me back." Eddie and Jack rolled their eyes, with the roadie fiddling with his radio. Finally he settled on a loud and booming song with a simplistic beat, but set off the vibe that anybody hearing this knew they didn't fuck around. In addition, the song gave Travis a strange sense of déjà vu.

 _(Recommended Song:_ Mach 13 Elephant Explosion _from the No More Heroes Soundtrack)_

"Heads up!" Jack shouted, revving his motorcycle. "I hear something coming up ahead!" A loud humming of a high-tech engine echoed off the buildings on the Main Road, signaling the arrival of something _very big_. Coming into view much further down the street, emerging from a nearby side street, was a gigantic flying fortress stylized like a yellow butterfly cocoon, a circle of windows for observation on the topmost part, a set of large speakers mounted on the sides, and a cloud of armed Henchmen fluttering about, clutching their trademark dart guns.

 _ **The Mighty Flying Cocoon, now with MORE GUNS!**_

 _(Rick: And there it is, folks, the Mighty Flying Cocoon, warship and base of the Monarch!)_

 _(Slick: That thing is a fucking pain in my ass.)_

 _(Rick: How so?)_

 _(Slick: First off, it's a goddamn flying cocoon, nobody is going to ignore that shit. Not to mention it's packed with a shitload of weapons and Henchmen. Secondly, it disrupts any TV Signals whenever it passes by, and I'm getting really tired of missing Shark Week whenever they park that thing!)_

 _(Rick: Have you ever heard of something called Tivo?)_

 _(Slick: I don't speak Spanish.)_

 _(Rick: Oh for God's sake….)_

"Shit, we have to fight that?" Travis chuckled in disbelief, plucking a red beam katana from his belt. "I fought I giant robot bigger than that." He activated the weapon, shooting a red beam from the device. "I love you, Rose Nasty…"

" **FIGHTERS OF THE ULTIMATE TOURNAMENT!** " Shouted a nasally voice from the speakers. " **IT IS I, THE MIGHTY MONARCH! SUBMIT TO MY INCREDIBLE GRANDEUR AND I WILL SPARE YOU THE WRATH OF MY FULLY OPERATIONAL FLYING COCOON!** "

"Wrath?" The Overlord asked, reaching for his mace. "What can that ridiculous flying thing do to qualify as wrath?" To answer his question, a line opened below the observation area, with several smaller circles opening around it. And then they started to glow a bright blue. The reaction was instantaneous.

"Laser beams!" Travis shouted. "We gotta dodge!" Following the order, Jack and Travis veered their bikes away from the road, while Eddie simply drove even faster than before, much to the Overlord's dismay. A gargantuan wave of energy blasted from the Flying Cocoon, narrowly avoiding the Heart of Steel, but tearing through several buildings and the road like butter. The group regrouped, absolutely shocked at the newest situation. "This is going to suck, isn't it?"

"Well, I did say the Cocoon was outfitted with enough weaponry to wipe out a small army." Cinder's voice said over ECHO. "Or at least now it does, ever since the Monarch nagged the Guild of Calamitous Intent to upgrade it for war purposes with the IDA."

"Then give us the rundown on what they've got!" Jack shouted, his brow furrowing intensely.

"I've got Mr. Murphy on it right now," Cinder said, sounding a bit concerned. "He'll have a response ready in a few minutes. So until then, stick with the plan to board the Cocoon and don't die. Ciao!" The line was cut, and the four dangerous men were left with nothing but the sounds of their own engines, the radio, and the hum of the Flying Cocoon's engine.

"Well that's fucking helpful!" Travis shouted, cracking his neck.

" **Ah!** " The Monarch said through his PA. " **I see we have a couple of challengers to take the Monarch's crown! HENCHMEN! TAKE TO THE SKIES AND DESTROY ANYONE IN YOUR WAKE!** "

"Sir, yes, sir!" The Henchmen shouted, flying out of the Cocoon en-mass, blotting out the sky in a swarm of orange.

 _(Slick: I wish I had a legion of Henchmen to do my bidding…)_

 _(Rick: And you don't because…?)_

 _(Slick: Because I'm a penny pincher and Henchmen take out massive life insurance policies. Seriously, their health plans are amazing, especially since the average mortality rate of a Henchman is a week from employment.)_

 _(Rick: Then how do they collect pay?)_

 _(Slick: Next of Kin, dumbass. What, have you never gotten insurance?)_

 _(Rick: N… YEAH… Shuddup.)_

"And that's just fucking perfect!" Travis yelled, giving his beam katana a few swings. "Now might not be a good time to say I'm not good at on vehicle fighting."

"Now's a good time to learn if any." Jack chuckled, extending his chainsaw with a loud roar. Eddie let off a laugh of his own, leaning over to the Overlord who tried to stand up to no avail.

"Hey, you wanna see something awesome?" Eddie asked with a grin, enticing the Overlord to sit bad down. "See this big button on the dashboard?" The Overlord nodded. "Press it." Curiosity aroused, the Overlord carefully pressed the button, wondering what prize awaits from doing such a menial task. Two hatched opened out of the hood of the car, sprouting a pair of lightning rods the size of a mail box.

" **… Shall I press it again?** " The Overlord boomed, a sudden feeling of childish glee rising in his heart. Eddie nodded, to which the Overlord pressed the button once more. A gigantic pair of lightning bolts shot from the rods and fried a cluster of Henchmen, dropping them from the sky like a sack of doo-doo diapers. " **This pleases me.** " He continued to mash on the button, zapping more Henchmen out of the sky, like flies on a bug zapper. The yellow suited goons in turn responded by firing their guns down below, peppering the streets with orange tranquilizer darts.

"Keep out of their line of fire!" Eddie shouted. "They might pop your tires since they're exposed! Mine are protected, so the Overlord and I will be safe!"

"Got it!" The two killers shouted, revving their engines. The two bikes swerved back and forth on the road, dodging the spray of darts that fell from above like orange hail, not a single one making impact. Travis felt proud of himself, taking a moment in revelry, but blinked too long and found himself driving up an upturned cabbage cart and propelling himself and his vehicle midair, right into the swarm of Henchmen. Travis' expression shifted to one of sinister glee, while the Henchmen's faces transferred to one of fear.

"Oh, this is going to hurt…" Moaned one Henchman, while a few of his fellows silently agreed as Travis, his bike, and beam katana rapidly encroached on them. Those that were not cleaved in two by the energy blade were crushed under the Schpeltiger's weight as the assassin dropped to the ground, his formerly white bike now sporting a red paint job.

 _(Rick: That gaudy bike is a real killing machine.)_

 _(Slick: The fuck are you calling 'gaudy'?)_

"Huh? HUH?!" Travis laughed, looking at his allies. "C'mon, you've got to admit that was cool!" The only response he got was Jack taking off on his bike, riding up a crushed bus, flying higher than Travis did, literally kicking off his bike into the flock of Henchmen, spun his axe around like a homicidal ballerina, slaughtered twice as many foes than Travis did, then dropped back onto his motorcycle, landing perfectly. Travis merely responded with a middle finger.

"Thank you, I'll be here all week." Jack said, waving one of his arms.

 _(Slick: And the show-offy asshole award goes to.)_

"Return fire!" Shouted one of the Henchmen, swinging his rifle about. The Henchmen unleashed a hail fire of darts. Before the four men could brace themselves, divine intervention appeared in the form of three purple helicopters, blocking the darts with their plating and blades. Sticking out of the doors on the central helicopter was none other than Pierce Washington, fellow Saints Lieutenant, clutching an assault rifle in one hand.

"Alright, boys," Pierce shouted, taking aim. "Let's shoot these bastards out of the sky!" Additional engines roared behind the Heart of Steel, the four men taking notice that several purple trucks and cars were pulling up behind them, all filled with Saints packing enough heat to wipe out a small town.

"Saints again?" Travis asked, remembering their previous encounter with Shaundi that resulted in an explosive meeting. "After what happened with those other Saints…"

"Maybe they don't know what happened to Shaundi?" Eddie asked, cycling through the weapons in his car.

 _(Rick: We kind of broadcasted that.)_

 _(Slick: Ha! Sucks to be them!)_

 _(Rick: You feel really safe saying that in a bunker far away from the action, don't you?)_

 _(Slick: Well, duh!)_

"Oh, we do!" Pierce shouted, glaring at the four killers down below. "And frankly, we're a little bit pissed. But that flying shit and the butterfly brigade is a bigger issue at the moment! So here's the deal," He paused, firing a round at a cluster of Henchmen, knocking them out of the sky. "We'll work together to take down the Monarch's Cocoon, and we'll call it even!" Jack looked to the rest of his team, gauging their thoughts on the matter. Eddie gave a simple shrug, Travis didn't seem to care, and the Overlord was too busy fiddling with the gun switches on the Druid Plow. In a sense, this seemed like a good idea in the long run.

"Fair enough!" Jack shouted, revving his motorcycle to catch up with the chopper.

"I've got it!" Mr. Murphy's voice sounded on the ECHOs. "According to information my Gun Runners have gathered, the Flying Cocoon's arsenal consists of modified Covenant technology!"

"Covenant?" Jack asked, the name sounding incredibly familiar. "That alien cult from that one universe with the gigantic hoops of mass destruction?"

"The same, Mr. Cayman!" Mr. Murphy clarified. "The Guild of Calamitous Intent must have made an arms deal, because the Cocoon is outfitted with plasma weaponry commonly found on their Scarab Walkers, the power enough to blow up ten blocks!"

"Yeah, we noticed…" Travis muttered, glancing back at the ruins from the first attack.

"It's still pretty structurally sound in terms of protection," Mr. Murphy continued. "Nothing short of a few Bunker Busters can break through its defenses…" The four men groaned loudly, now aware their job was just made even harder by the newest bit of news. "Except for one small part."

"An exhaust port two meters wide?" Travis joked, only to get a dart nearly impaled on his forehead.

"The observation deck." Mr. Murphy announced. "Made from the same glass used in airplanes and helicopters, it's durable, but not indestructible. Simply put enough force and BAM!"

"Instant doorway." Eddie smirked, finally swapping his guns on the car to a pair of large rocket launchers. "Easy like fine tuning a guitar." Jack grunted, finally getting in shouting range of the Saints.

"Hey Saint!" Jack shouted, Pierce poking his head out of the helicopter. "The only weak spot on that Cocoon is the observation deck! We can't find a ramp high enough to jump to it on our rides, and I know those choppers have hooks for cargo carrying on them!" Pierce rose an eyebrow, incredulously.

"You want us to haul your asses up and toss you inside that thing?" Pierce asked, shouting over the roar of guns. "You are aware of the flying fuckload of Henchmen and that giant-ass laser cannon, right?!"

"It's plasma," Jack said, gesturing to the Cocoon. "And it takes a while to recharge, if I remember Covenant Tech right. As to the Henchmen," With a flex of his mechanical arm, the chainsaw retracted with a rumbling whirr. "Leave that to us."

* * *

 _Author's Note: And now we take on the newest foes, the Monarch and his Henchmen from_ Venture Bros. _How will things play out, and what difficult choice will occur in the future? Stay tuned and find out on the next exciting installment of IDA Ultimate Tournament!_


	12. Chapter 11

**Chapter Eleven:** _ **Plucking Wings**_

 **Location: Above the Urbania Main Road**

"This is so fucking stupid!" Travis exclaimed as he clung for dear life to his motorcycle. "Of all the ideas you've thought of, Jack, this has got to be the fucking worst!"

"Quit complaining, Travis," Jack shouted over the roar of battle. "We're making our drop in minus twenty! So buckle up and shut up!"

"It's hard to do that when we're dangling over thirty stories in the air," Travis shouted. "Hanging from helicopters by freaking tow cables! I'm not even properly situated!" To shed some light on the situation, as part of the agreement between the Saints and Heart of Steel to take down the Monarch and his Mighty Flying Cocoon, Jack and Pierce devised a plan to penetrate the impenetrable flying fortress utilizing their helicopters and vehicles. All three of the vehicles were now dangling precariously midair from tow cables equipped to purple cargo helicopters, each poised to strike at the heart of the Monarch. The Druid Plow was suspended between two helicopters, held aloft by four tow cables due to its immense weight, with the Overlord gleefully at the controls of the car's mounted lightening rod, while Eddie kept his hands firmly on the wheel and nitro boosters. Jack's Harley motorcycle hung from a single copter, suspended at both wheels by two cables, eyes peeled and chainsaw at the ready. Travis was in a precarious situation, given that when his Schpeltiger was connected to his helicopter, the front cable snapped and left Travis hanging by a metaphorical thread by his rear tire. The assassin clung to the sides of his vehicle, barely able to keep his grip on the sides of his bike. Eddie looked ahead, counting at least two hundred strong among the numbers of the Henchmen, fluttering in a cluster of yellow and orange.

"Alright guys," Eddie shouted, waving his allies. "We've got one shot at this! The Saints are going to get us high enough to drop us inside the Cocoon like college beer pong, but we've gotta keep the Henchmen off us! Everyone's got a plan?"

 _(Slick: Ah, College Beer Pong, the game of champions.)_

 _(Rick: Champions with more alcohol in their veins than blood, like you.)_

 _(Slick: I, good sir, take that as a compliment.)_

"I picked up a few tricks from my twin brother," Travis said, clutching his Rose Nasty Beam Katana. "I can knock a few outta the sky, if I can keep still long enough."

"Just watch 'em try and get close," Jack said, revving his chainsaw. "I'll cut 'em to ribbons."

" **I'll blow them to bits with this masterful and majestic weapon!"** The Overlord cackled. " **I must get these for my Minions and my castle.** "

 _(Rick: That's a terrifying thought, a medieval Overlord with high-tech guns.)_

 _(Slick: I'd say it's on par with giving space aliens magic. Awesome in concept, horrifying on the receiving end.)_

"All our helicopters are equipped with defensive machine guns," Pierce said, peering from the side of the Druid Plow's chopper. "And all of us have guns to take those bastards down. I think we got this!" Eddie chuckled, steadily rising from his seat with _Clementine_ resting in his hands.

"We're ready to pluck some wings," Eddie said. "SOUND THE BATTLE CRY!" The Roadie played out a rousing riff on his guitar, an inspiring melody that bolstered the spirits of the men and women who heard it, giving them strength to fight in the oncoming battle. As a bonus, everyone's weapons began to shine a solid gold, including Travis' katana, Jack's mechanical arm, the Overlord's gauntlet, and the guns on the Druid Plow. If the Henchmen were screwed before, they were doomed now. "CHARGE!"

The sky erupted in a fire of bullets and darts, with supercharged gunshots ringing out across the area and decimating the Henchmen, dropping them out of the sky and onto the concrete street below. Travis steadily rose from his seat, clutching his beam katana tightly between his hands. The assassin shut his eyes and envisioned a slot machine running in his head waiting to activate one of his techniques.

 _(Rick: Looks like Travis is using one of his Dark Side Attacks, a randomized power boost that makes the No More Hero a one-man tank!)_

 _(Slick: That sounds awesome! How does it work?)_

 _(Rick: According to an interview with Travis himself, he said, and I quote "Game Programmer Bullshit".)_

 _(Slick: Travis-1, Fourth Wall-0.)_

 _Bell… Bell…_ Travis listed in his head as the slots spun. Finally, a third bell appeared, enabling the No More Hero to unleash one of his many dark side attacks. Travis precariously took up a fighting stance, his beam katana behind his back and free hand aimed at the enemy.

"Blueberry cheese BROWNIE!" Travis shouted, swinging his beam katana. The instant the red blade passed his front, a large red orb of energy shot from the sword towards a large cluster of Henchmen. The red orb passed clean through the Henchmen's bodies, tearing right through them a hot knife in butter. Swing after swing, Travis slaughtered dozens of Henchmen, leaving gaping holes in the enemies' ranks. After a few seconds of rampant swinging, Travis finally exhausted himself, deactivating his beam katana and resting against the Schpeltiger. "Yeah, score one for the Otaku!"

"Show off." Eddie muttered, grasping his hands on the steering wheel. "Let's get the pyrotechnics ready, big guy."

" **With pleasure…** " The Overlord darkly chuckled, slamming his hand on the big red button. A bolt of lightning shot from the rods on the sides of the car, blasting dead center in the cluster of Henchmen, roasting them like bugs in a zapper. A few more shots, and the crowd was definitely thinned, but one stray shot went slightly awry when one of the Saint's helicopters accidentally flew in the way. The bolt disabled the helicopter, sending it flying out of control and crashing into a building. Eddie shot the Overlord an irritated glance, the master of evil looking slightly surprised. "… Collateral damage, what are you going to do?"

"Guh…" Eddie groaned, slamming a fist onto his dashboard. "I'm calling off the guns, can't risk hurting anyone else."

"Didn't stop you when you got Shaundi killed!" Pierce angrily shouted, firing randomly into the crowd of Henchmen with an SMG.

 _(Rick: Ouch, someone get a fireman, we've got a burn victim here!)_

 _(Slick: I will set you on fire for that one.)_

"That was a Fiend, not us!" Jack exclaimed over the roar of battle. "And we said we were sorry! Repeatedly!" A Henchman managed to somehow get close enough, shooting at Jack from what he presumed to be a safe distance. Three darts impacted on Jack's metal arm, two snagged on the sleeve of his jacket, not even doing the slightest bit of damage. The DeathWatcher, in response, plucked the darts from his arm and tossed them right at the Henchman, piercing his red-lens goggles and digging into his eyes. The blind and slightly sedated Henchman flew about, trying to orient himself, but flew too close to Jack and was grabbed by the ankle. Jack immediately disposed of the Henchman by tossing him upwards, wherein the helicopter blades tore him to shreds. "Freakin' flyboys."

"Alright, we're almost in range of the drop!" Pierce announced as they closed in on the Cocoon. "Get you're asses ready, because we're going in full force!"

"I'm not… even going to make a joke about that." Travis said, clasping tightly on his handlebars. The helicopters rose higher into the air, just above the orange supervillain fortress and the cloud of Henchmen, their target just within drop distance.

"We're going to drop the cables!" Pierce exclaimed. "Once you get in range, hit the gas and tear those mother fuckers a new one!" The four men took positions, each revving their engines with blood in their eyes. "On the count of ten! Ten… Nine… Eight…" The cables suddenly detached as explosions rocked the helicopters. "SHIT! No time for full countdown!" The three vehicles dropped out of the sky, steadily falling towards the observation deck of the Flying Cocoon. "Sorry!"

"Son of a BITCH!" Travis screamed, slamming his feet on the gas pedals. Flames erupted from his exhaust pipes as the Schpeltiger propelled itself towards the Cocoon, the Druid Plow and the Harley following in pursuit. From the inside of the Cocoon, those watching the battle would be perplexed by the sudden appearance of three large, rapidly growing shadows. That was the fate of four unfortunate Henchmen that had been standing by the safety glass window as two motorcycles and a custom-built car crashed into the Cocoon proper, crushing them beneath the immense weight. The Druid Plow, Harley, and Schpeltiger veered to the side, attempting to slow their speed. This was effective for the Plow and the Harley, as the two vehicles immediately skid to a halt, allowing Jack, Eddie, and the Overlord to jump from their seats, weapons brandished. Travis, on the other hand, skid too far and ended up driving right down an access ramp, lower into the Cocoon's depths. Eventually, a crash was faintly heard downstairs, and Travis loudly swearing.

 _(Slick: I give a nine for the execution, but a three for the landing.)_

"You alright, Travis?" Eddie asked, pressing onto his ECHO.

"Yeah, I'm fine…" Travis grumbled over the call, picking up faint sounds of a fire crackling in the background. "My bike's totaled. Look, you guys handle the Monarch and his Henchmen, I'll find a way to bring this place down. Good luck." Eddie disconnected the call and took a moment to observe the scenery of the room alongside his comrades. The entire room was a dome-like structure, colored a deep purple tone and lined with black marks, much like the interior of a butterfly cocoon. Computer consoles and terminals circled about the center of the room, with startled and panicked Henchmen manning them. At the very center, sitting on purple, butterfly shaped throne, was a gangly looking man wearing gold and black armor. On his chest was an orange monarch butterfly symbol, and a tall golden crown rested atop his head. The most notable features, of course, were his long, pointed orange beard and absurdly long curled eyebrows, resting on his angular face. On his back were a pair of monarch butterfly wings, and strapped to his wrists were strange canisters that could only be projectile weapons. The man rose from his throne, slowly clapping and striding towards the three men.

"Bravo, men of mystery, bravo." The man said in the same nasally voice as heard on the speakers. "You crashed into my Mighty Flying Cocoon, guns blazing alongside a street gang, and now you want to take my throne." The man started to laugh a manic cackle. "You made a big mistake, competitors, for now, you must face the inhuman wrath that is… THE MIGHTY MONARCH!"

* * *

 _ **The Monarch! Take him seriously!**_

* * *

 _(Rick: Looks like the Heart of Steel will be going toe to toe with the Monarch, one of the many villains from the Guild of Calamitous Intent. The Monarch and his many Henchmen hail from a universe where super heroes and super villains are not only plentiful, they're unionized!)_

 _(Slick: This whiny shit is classified as a D-List villain, a bottom of the barrel scraping only worth the time of equally lame good guys. At the moment, the Monarch is arching his on again/off again nemesis, Dr. Rusty Venture, son of the late Jonas Venture and member of the IDA's Science Department… Remind me how this idiot joined the IDA?)_

 _(Rick: If I remember correctly, he had enough pull with the Sovereign of the Guild to score a lesser Agent position, and honestly we're thankful for it. The Flying Cocoon is a fully mobile fortress for troops, and the Monarch himself is a pretty invaluable fighter. Read off his stats, Slick.)_

 _(Slick: Yeah, whatever… The Monarch's suit is capable of flight, his prime weapons are wrist-mounted dart guns, loaded with poison darts dipped with Frog Venom, and is surprisingly well built. Granted, he's about as smart as an actual butterfly. Let's see the team take him down!)_

As the supervillain ended his triad with a dramatic pose, the wings on his unfolding to reveal the majestic butterfly pattern, the Heart of Steel men could only look with shock, confusion, and one case humor.

"That's the Monarch?" Jack incredulously asked, jabbing a finger towards the aforementioned supervillain. "Honestly, I was expecting something more." The Monarch dropped his pose and began sputtering like a child that had just been told off.

"You're not impressed?" The Monarch asked, completely baffled. "But… But I worked all day on that speech. I had the flourish and the evil laugh and everything! How are you not impressed?!"

"Simple, we weren't." Jack said, folding his arms. "It was cheesy, it was stereotypical, you referred to yourself as 'inhuman wrath'… Honestly, you're like a villain from a Sunday Morning Kids Cartoon."

 _(Slick: Now THAT'S a burn.)_

"Which is why we don't let him join the Assembly of Evil." The Overlord muttered, rubbing his head. Jack and Eddie stared at their monstrous ally with confusion. "Oh, did I forget to mention we have a history? Yeah, since the Guild of Calamitous Intent has ties within the Assembly of Evil, y'know, the IDA's top division of Chaotic Evil Agents, this obnoxious ninny keeps on pestering to join our ranks. We deny him every time."

"For what reason?" Eddie asked, watching as the Monarch fumed at his throne.

"Because he's so bloody annoying!" The Overlord laughed. "I mean, you've heard him speak, right? It's like a fly pays rent in his nostrils!" The three men, and even a few of the Henchmen, began laughing at the Monarch's expense, the long-browed villain's face turning beet red from anger and embarrassment.

"ENOUGH!" The Monarch shouted, silencing everyone in the room. Heaving and growling, the Monarch stormed down his throne, steam venting from his ears. "You wanna get this fight done or what? Because if you ladies wanna keep laughing, I've got a smokin' hot wife I can go and spend quality time with and have my actual Henchmen just kick your asses for me." The three men looked in confusion and slight amusement, watching as the golden-armored man fumed and ranted before them. However, the last thing Jack said was enough to break the ice.

"How did a weenie like this get a wife?" Jack asked, jabbing a thumb in the Monarch's direction. Enraged, the Monarch bellowed, raising his arms and firing butterfly-styled darts from his wrist launchers in a rapid fashion. Jack and Eddie dove out of the way, while the darts bounced harmlessly off the Overlord's armor. Jack rolled to his side, extending his chainsaw arm. "Looks like the fight's on."

"Henchmen!" The Monarch shouted, all Henchmen standing to attention, clasping dart guns. "TO BATTLE!"

* * *

Travis sprinted down the purple halls of the Cocoon, running past various Henchmen and cutting down a few in his wake. Up above, the No More Hero could faintly hear the sound of explosions rocking the deck, no doubt it was a fight between his allies and the Monarch.

"Shit, they're already getting the party started." Travis cursed to himself, picking up his pace. "I gotta shut this thing down before they break out the hookers and pizza." Slicing a passing Henchman at the midriff, Travis rounded another corner, skidding to a halt as he saw something anyone in his predicament would be happy to behold: an express elevator to the generators. Wasting no time, Travis bolted into the elevator and began hammering at the buttons, eager to get to real destruction. Before Travis could break the plastic button, the doors closed with a ding and began its descent into the depths of the Cocoon. Idly, Travis stood in the elevator, hands stuffed in his pockets and whistling an old tune a fellow assassin taught him. Hearing that little song brought old thoughts back to the Crownless King, reminding Travis of how far he'd come. Starting off as a nobody otaku, then joining the UAA, killing his psychotic half-sister, finding out about his Irish twin brother, his best friend getting murdered, tearing up the UAA, and now a member of a universal stabilizing agency. Sounded too crazy to be real, but to Travis, it was reality.

 _(Slick: *snickering*)_

 _(Rick: What was that?)_

 _(Slick: Nothing. What was what?)_

Travis was immediately yanked out of his daydreaming when a loud crash shook the elevator, and the doors appeared to have been punctured by a piece of sharp metal. The elevator immediately ground to a halt, rocking Travis and nearly knocking him on his feet.

"The fuck?!" Travis loudly swore, plucking his Tsubaki Mk. III katana from his belt and igniting the traditional-looking sword in a green blade. Another metal blade stuck through the doors of the elevator, slowly prying it apart with great force.

"You are trespassing on Monarch property!" Shouted an irritated man on the other side. "And for that, I'm going to cleave thee a new butthole!" The doors were immediately rend open, revealing a muscular Henchman on the other side, adorned in yellow and orange combat armor (as opposed to the regular uniforms of the others), with wrist mounted blades and a belt containing a wide variety of tools and weapons. On his shoulder, sewn in black cloth, was the number 21.

* * *

 _ **Henchman 21, Two-Tons of Muscles and Geekiness!**_

* * *

 _(Slick: Now this is a guy I can respect.)_

 _(Rick: You respect Henchman 21? Don't you, I don't know, have issues with LARPers and Comic Book Geeks?)_

 _(Slick: Yeah, but not Gary! Henchman 21 is one of the best Henchmen in all of Henchdom, being one of the longest living Henchmen under the Monarch's employment and a powerhouse to boot. The dude's crazy strong, skilled with all forms of weaponry, unbelievably intelligent, and has two badass wrist-blades like the Assassins use, but cooler!)_

 _(Rick: And how did he earn your respect, I ask skeptically?)_

 _(Slick: Saved my ass a few months ago… From a bar debt.)_

Slowly, Travis quirked his head to the side, recognizing the voice and number of the Henchman. "21? That you, man?" Likewise, 21 also recognized Travis, sheathing his extended blades.

"Travis!" 21 exclaimed, a look of surprise and joy evident on his face. "Good to see you again!" The two geeks put their weapons away, chatting like longtime friends. "Haven't seen you at the past couple of Universal Geek Culture meetings, dude."

"Yeah, been busy with work." Travis said, rubbing the back of his head. "Y'know, cutting fuckers' heads off, making the universes a better place for assholes everywhere. Still working for the Monarch, I see."

"Yeah, I tried the whole SPHINX thing for a bit," 21 explained. "But being a Henchman is my true calling. Plus, life insurance here is great." The two shared a chuckle for a moment, before immediately remembering why they were here, taking up combat stances once more. "So… You're tearing up the Cocoon?"

"Me and my buddies are, yeah." Travis said, the green blade glistening off his sunglasses. "They're kicking your boss' ass right now and I'm going to shut this flying piece of crap down. Even if I have to carve it like a pumpkin."

"It's 'my buddies and I', dude." 21 corrected. Travis stifled a chuckle. "And you know I can't let you do that, Travis." The large Henchman flicked his wrists, extending the sharp blades and scraping them against each other, showering sparks onto the floor. "So let's just _cut_ to the chase and duel here."

"Um… Beam katana, man." Travis pointed out. 21 smirked, flicking his wrists once more, this time causing a pair bright orange beams to extend twice the length of the original blades. "That'll do it."

"It gets worse." 21 chuckled, raising his arms above his head. The orange wings began flapping aggressively, kicking dust in Travis' face and propelling 21 higher into the air. As soon as the Henchman was high enough, 21 aimed his hands at Travis, and the No More Hero was now just aware of the large barrels mounted on both sides of the elite Henchman's forearms.

"Oh fuck me." Travis muttered.

 _(Rick and Slick: NERD FIGHT! NERD FIGHT! NERD FIGHT!_ )

* * *

 _ **Travis Touchdown vs. Henchman 21**_

 _ **FIGHT!**_

 ***Recommended Music: The Hex Core by Pentakill***

* * *

Two bright bolts blasted from 21's wrists, propelling rapidly towards Travis at dangerous speeds. Quickly taking to his feet, Travis dodged the attack, the bolts tearing into the ground and leaving behind large scorch marks.

"Covenant tech," 21 remarked. "Repurposed from the same stuff those aliens use in their Energy Swords _and_ their Plasma Pistols!" 21 fired again, the bolts blasting through the air, but Travis dodged them yet again. Growling in defiance, Travis raised his beam katana in a defensive position. Another shot was fired, the bolts about the size of an American Football, but this time Travis didn't dodge, but instead returned to sender. The instant the bolt struck the beam katana, Travis swung his blade in a return volley, rebounding back towards the flying Henchman. Not expecting the sudden attack, 21 was struck by his own attack, disorienting him and pulling him closer to the ground.

"Fifteen love!" Travis laughed, twirling his beam katana. Growling, 21 rose to the skies again, charging up another shot. Twin bolts erupted from the Henchman's wrists, spiraling towards the assassin rapidly. Travis responded curtly with another swing, returning the blast right back towards 21. 21, however, expected such, and swung both his blades at his own projectile, sending it back towards Travis. The two began an intense match of Dead Man's Volley, bouncing the projectile attack back and forth until the other would break. With every strike, the bolt moved faster and faster, rebounding off the energy weapons at insane speeds to the point neither Travis nor Henchman 21 could keep up. Travis' speed and strength prevailed in the end, as one last swing sent the bolt sailing through the air, striking one of 21's wings, setting the orange device aflame.

"Hot! Hot!" 21 exclaimed, trying to pat out the flames to no avail. The damage had been done, and with 21's wings damaged, the large Henchman couldn't keep himself airborne. Like tragedy at an airshow, 21 plummeted out of the air, smoke trailing behind him in a spiral, and crashed into a stack of boxes. "Ooh… This is gonna be hell to clean up."

"Want me to lend a hand?" Travis mockingly asked. "I'm already mopping the floor with you, anyway." Enraged, 21 burst from the box pile and swung his wrist blades full force at Travis, the No More Hero barely having enough time to brace himself for the attack. The two clashed blades, Travis' Tsubaki Mk. III locked between the crossed wrist-blades, sparks from the two weapons littering the floor. Drowning out the grunts between the two were explosions from above that rocked the Cocoon, an epic battle ongoing between the other members of Heart of Steel and the Monarch, and only those there could witness the spectacular battle.

* * *

 _Editor's Note: This chapter has been rewritten with Announcer Commentary, the error has been rectified and the idiot who forgot to write this was properly chastised and beaten with a shovel. ~IDA Chief Editor Jasper T. Critic_


	13. Chapter 12

_**Chapter Twelve:**_ _ **The Monarch's Secret Weapon**_

 **Location: The Mighty Flying Cocoon**

* * *

"Henchmen! TO BATTLE!" The Monarch bellowed, his yellow-garbed Henchmen shouting war-cries in suit.

 _(Recommended Music: Symphonic Razor from the_ Killer is Dead OST _)_

The Henchmen fired their darts into the air, the needle-sharp darts raining down in a sea of orange atop the three men. Jack and the Overlord braced themselves for the impending attack, while Eddie ran in front of the two, plucked _Clementine_ off his back, and slammed hard on the chords, causing an earthshaking blast that shook the foundations of the Cocoon, knocked the Henchmen to the ground, and redirected the darts around them, scattering harmlessly on the floor. The Monarch looked on in bafflement.

"What the hell?" The Monarch muttered, steadily regaining his stance by his throne.

"Earth Shaker!" Eddie called out, holding his fingers in a horn form. "The best way to knock a crowd of their feet!"

 _(Slick: Not the best trick of the trade, but it gets the job done.)_

"Pah! No matter!" The Monarch spat out, cracking his knuckles. "I've still got other means of disposing of you." Slamming his fist on a button atop the arm of his throne, red sirens began to blare, lighting up the purplish room. A hatch opened up in the center of the room, and out popped two new unique Henchmen: a pair of little people, one black and one white, wearing yellow pupa costumes and clutching sharp knives, sporting sinister and homicidal grins. "Sic 'em, Pupae Twins!"

* * *

 _ **The Pupae Twins, Tim-Tom and Kevin!**_

 _ **THE SHRIMP HAVE KNIVES!**_

* * *

 _(Rick: Oh god, these two are nuts.)_

 _(Slick: Tell me about it. Formerly the Murderous Moppets, henchmen for the Lady Au Pair (now Dr. Mrs. The Monarch), these two psychopathic achondraplastic dwarves are completely insane. All that runs through their beady little heads is 'Stab in the Face' over and over again.)_

 _(Rick: Don't let their size fool you, because they are mean sons of bitches, especially since they can get the jump on you when you least expect it.)_

 _(Slick: And that's how I lost one of my kidneys.)_

 _(Rick: I thought it was alcoholism that did that.)_

 _(Slick: You're thinking of my liver, dude.)_

"Looks like we get to have some fun after all, eh Kevin?" The white Pupa Twin asked in a Cockney accent.

"Yeah, you got that right, Tim-Tom," The black Pupa Twin chuckled, flicking his knife. The three men looked at the dwarves, and couldn't tell whether to be afraid or to laugh uncontrollably. "Time to gut us some jackasses in black."

"Is he really throwing those little guys at us?" Eddie asked, clutching the handle of _the Separator_. "And this guy's one of the Ranked Fighters?"

" **I've killed Halflings more threatening than that.** " The Overlord growled, hefting his mace. " **I can handle both of-OOF!** " Before the intimidating lord of evil could continue, he was immediately knocked to the ground at full force by both of the Pupae Twins, who proceeded to stab at him repeatedly, their knives causing nicks in the armor. As the fully armored giant of a man flailed about, trying to knock the two dwarves off him, Eddie and Jack stood and watched in amusement.

"You were saying, big guy?" Jack asked, folding his arms across his chest. The Overlord screamed in response, as Kevin had managed to find an opening in his armor and stabbed him in the side. "Alright, enough dicking about." The DeathWatcher grabbed Kevin by his head and flung him into a set of terminals and delivered a powerful kick into Tim-Tom, sending him flying into a crowd of disoriented Henchmen. Jack reached down, extending his hand towards the slightly bleeding Overlord. "There, better?" The Overlord huffed, slapping Jack's hand away and rising on his own volition, his blood-red eyes burning with fury.

" **I WILL ROAST THIS COCOON AND ITS DENIZENS IN THE DEPTHS OF HELL!** " The Overlord roared, charging towards the Monarch with the ferocity and speed of a rhino. The Monarch yelped, diving away from his throne as the Overlord plowed straight through it, knocking the seat off the ground as though it were a mere snow-fort. Shrugging their shoulders, Jack and Eddie readied themselves and took off after their friend, weapons at the ready, only to be intercepted by the Pupae Twins. While his elite Henchmen were handling the Heart of Steel, the Monarch pulled himself up on a console, and grabbed the microphone attached.

"Eheheheh… Honey?" The Monarch nervously asked. "Could you possibly, eh, activate the _secret weapon_ we have stored?" Tim-Tom flew past him, crashing into another console. "And get it here NOW?" Sirens began blaring as the Cocoon began to rock back and forth, the Pupae Twins regaining their stance while the three men barely could hold their ground. Deep below, while Travis and Henchmen 21 fought blade to blade, the room shook violently as machines pushed a large compartment upwards. Travis shoved 21 back with his beam katana, staring at the large compartment as it rose towards the command room.

"What the fuck is that thing?!" Travis shouted over the rumble of the Cocoon.

"Oh, nothing much," 21 chuckled, wiping blood from his mouth. "Just a little something we picked up from a Forbidden World." Travis' jaw dropped, glancing at the cargo once more.

"You idiots went a Forbidden World?!" Travis exclaimed. "What the hell did you pick up?!" 21 chuckled again, scraping his wrist blades against each other.

"A super-weapon." Back in the command room, the compartment finally arose, taking up most of the space in the room. The Monarch cackled loudly, running over to the front of the compartment with his arms and wings fully spread.

"Hahahahahaha! Tremble, fools," The Monarch laughed, a sinister smile curled on his face. "For now you face the wrath of an ancient weapon of both magic and technology, sealed away in one of the Forbidden Worlds!" The Monarch slammed his foot down, and the compartment opened with a hiss, the doors sliding back into the ground, revealing a massive and truly tremendous sight. It was a gigantic butterfly construct, standing at three stories with four elegant bluish-purple wings sweeping about the room. It had a golden body with white tendrils sweeping below, a golden horn, formed by two spiraling rods, rested atop its head, and a multiple-spoked golden wheel hovered above its back. With a mighty flap of its wings, rushing winds knocked the bodies of the Henchmen and the Pupae Twins off the ground while forcing the three men of the Heart of Steel to brace themselves.

"No way," Jack said through gritted teeth. "That can't be…"

"They actually got one," Eddie grunted, digging his axe into the ground. "Holy shit…"

"I thought they were all destroyed…" The Overlord mused, grasping onto a nearby console. "And that idiot has one."

"Yes! Fear the awesome power I behold!" The Monarch gloated, flying upwards and landing on the back of the butterfly construct. "For there are none left in the universes but this, so quake with peril before my greatest weapon: THE MOONLIGHT BUTTERFLY!"

* * *

 _ **The Moonlight Butterfly,**_

 _ **Ancient Weapon of Arcane and Science!**_

* * *

 _(Rick: Okay, before we file that report to the Upper Council that the Monarch is now in possession of a contraband weapon of mass destruction from a universe forbidden to enter by almost all the Universal Powers, why don't we give you all the rundown on that thing? Slick?)_

 _(Slick: The Moonlight Butterfly, a powerful construct from the land of Lordran, one of the Forbidden Worlds due to the incurable Darksign Curse, created by a dragon known as Seath the Scaleless, founder of sorcery and traitor to the Everlasting Dragons. No one really knows why Seath created the Moonlight Butterflies, but we do know that they are a force to be reckoned with.)_

 _(Rick: Being imbued with the purest of magic, the Moonlight Butterfly's horn is a powerful catalyst capable of blasting magical beams and bursts strong enough to rival a Kamehameha or a psionic beam. Their horns were so sought after by adventurers and Undead on pilgrimage that they were hunted to extinction… but apparently they missed one.)_

 _(Slick: That thing is fast, and I mean REALLY fast, not to mention incredibly durable. Luckily, their attacks are only magic-based, so anyone who can handle a blast of sorcery can easily stand up to this thing. If that doesn't work, anti-magic armor or weapons can work just as well.)_

"Of which we have none…" Jack muttered, listening in on the broadcast playing from a nearby camera drone. The Monarch cackled, waving his hand as he gripped the neck of the Moonlight Butterfly tightly.

"Now, my gigantic pet," The Monarch said, pointing at the ground. "DESINTIGRATE THEM!" The Moonlight Butterfly bowed its head, aiming its horn at the wall as it glowed a translucent blue.

"Hit the deck!" Eddie shouted, everyone diving out of the way. A powerful and massive beam erupted from the Butterfly's horn, tearing through the Cocoon (and the camera drone) like wet paper. Now with more room for mobility, the Moonlight Butterfly and the Monarch flew out of the Cocoon and into the swarm of Saints Helicopters.

"What the hell is that thing?!" Pierce shouted over ECHO. Jack rose to his feet, watching as the Butterfly began destroying helicopters with blasts of blue magic.

"A Moonlight Butterfly," Jack responded, pressing his ECHO. "One of the Lordran Relics."

"Shit! It's from Lordran?!" Pierce exclaimed. "Ain't that place a deathtrap with the whole 'Curse of the Undead' shit? How the hell did they get it here?!"

"Most likely someone gave it to him," Agent Cinder suggested, joining the ECHO call. "A smuggler hiding among our ranks. It has happened before, I remember when someone snuck in a Metroid Queen with intent to release the species into Base Prime, but they were stopped."

 _(Rick: Did we ever find that guy?)_

 _(Slick: Nope, but rumors persist it was a Forest Guardian. Fuckin' tree huggers.)_

"Can you give us any info on how to take that thing down?" Jack asked, helping Eddie and the Overlord to their feet. "It's tearing our backup apart."

"Unfortunately, most of the Lordran files not on active Agents are blacklisted," Cinder admitted. "So we're mostly in the dark. I'll get Murphy and Gnibble on it."

"Okay, now you're doing it on purpose!" Gnarl shouted in the background. Jack groaned, shutting off the channel. Looking around for something to work with, he came across Tim-Tom lying on the ground. The DeathWatcher grabbed the dwarf by the neck and held him in the air.

"How the hell can we take that thing down?" Jack demanded, shaking the little man.

"Get bent and shove a rake up yer arse." Tim-Tom spat, cackling slightly. "I ain't telling you nothing." Jack growled, raising his fist and striking the Pupa Twin in the chest.

"Tell me now, or I break your ribs." Jack calmly ordered. "How durable is it?"

"*cough* We made upgrades to it…" Tim-Tom coughed. "Replaced the iron body with platinum, it's even more durable then before!" The dwarf chuckled. "Bullets and blades won't so much as put a scratch in it." Frustrated, Jack tossed the dwarf away, rejoining his comrades as they watched the battle ensue.

"The Butterfly has thick defenses," Jack said. "We need to find a way to clip that thing's wings." He looked at the consoles, taking note that most of them were still intact from the previous tussle. "Anybody know how to activate a giant Plasma Weapon?"

"Search me," Eddie said, shrugging his shoulders. "I'm not qualified for alien tech. The most I can do is turn rock stages into fortresses, build vehicles from junk, and fix broken instruments into killer weapons…" Eddie walked over to a partially damaged console, flinching as yellow sparks erupted from a shattered computer. "But, I guess I can do what I can." Jack nodded, patting the Roadie on the shoulder as he rejoined the Overlord.

"See if you can get your Minions here," Jack instructed. "I'll contact Mitch and try and get as many of the surviving Fiends here as possible." The Overlord grunted, walking off to attempt to contact Gnarl. "We'll need everything we got to take that weapon down."

 _(Slick: Yeah good luck with that. In the meantime, let's see where the other fourth of the Heart of Steel has been hiding.)_

* * *

A resonating boom shook the Cocoon, toppling boxes atop the pair of trained killers as they continued to fight. The cardboard boxes bounced harmlessly off 21 and Travis, both men looking exhausted and battered from their long battle. Travis had swapped out his Tsubaki Mk. III and now wielded his Blood Berry katana, parts of his red jacket torn and sliced. 21 looked worse for the wear, one of his blades was broken at the base, one of his goggle lens were cracked, bits of wing were shredded, and a dribble of blood ran down his forehead.

"You know…" Travis heaved, adjusting his sunglasses. "I haven't… had a fight… like this… since Henry!"

"Same… here…" 21 wheezed. "Sure beats… roughing up… newbies…" The Cocoon shook once more, the sound of explosions and the Monarch's manic laughter echoing outside.

"So… How'd you guys get a Moonlight Butterfly?" Travis asked. "I thought they were wiped out after the IDA declared Lordran and Drangelic 'dangerous and forbidden'?"

"Yeah, that's what we thought too," 21 said, sitting down on a box. "But we ran into this weird guy, wore this old Victorian getup, top hat and everything, and had this creepy smiling mask and a crossbow. Kept snickering to himself." Travis felt the description was familiar, but he couldn't place the name to the image. "Anyway, guy tells us he could get the Monarch into the Assembly of Evil."

"So naturally your boss jumped at the opportunity like it was a spread-leg whore?" Travis joked. 21 gave a laugh in response.

"Pretty much, yeah." 21 continued. "He leads us to a Crow Sanctuary in the Guardian's Forest, and we meet this other creepy guy dressed like a Pardoner. Dude had all black on, a weird golden mask over his eyes, arms spread like he wanted to hug us, and kept rambling on and on about sin." The Henchman removed his goggles, rubbing the dirt out of his eyes. "Dude was definitely from Lordran, since he mentioned one of their gods."

"Which one?" Travis asked. His knowledge on the culture of other universes was often at times pretty limited, considering how he was more of a 'slash first, ask questions later' kind of guy, but the info could be useful later on.

"Velka, I think. Goddess of Sin." 21 replied. "So the Monarch talked with him a bit, then the Pardoner uses his magic and summons an inactive Moonlight Butterfly. Dr. Mrs. The Monarch got mad, saying stuff about contraband weapons, but you know how the Monarch gets with his new toys." Travis chuckled a bit. "So he gave us the Butterfly, we started working on it, and managed to smuggle it inside our Cocoon as a last-ditch weapon."

 _(Rick: *whispering* Did you let the Upper Council know about the thing?)_

 _(Slick: *whispering* Yeah I did. Promotion center, here we come! Hey, why is that red light still on?)_

 _(Rick: Shit! Left the radio on-!)_

"You do realize that once the Tournament is over," Travis said. "Upper Council is going to rain shit down on your heads for holding that thing, even if you got it from a Lordranian."

21 scoffed. "Psh, you think we don't know that? That's why the Monarch wants to win that wish: To grant him immunity. Either that or to break Dr. Venture, or whatever."

"Heh, villains and one-track goals." Travis chuckled. The No More Hero rose to his feet, stretching and feeling his bones pop all over. "Well, this was fun, but I've got a generator to smash." Glancing around, he espied such generator, although it was more like a boiler fueled by a gigantic battery. Just vulnerable for the smashing. "Lo and behold! Time to smash!" Travis ignited his Blood Berry katana and sprinted towards the machine. He leapt in the air, delivering a loud battle cry and swung down, impacting not on the machine, but 21's blade gauntlet, enflamed in an orange glow.

"Yeah, still not going to happen." 21 said, knocking Travis out of the air and onto his feet. "You'll have to go through me if you want to shut the Cocoon down, and by my honor as a First Class Henchmen and top of the line elite of the Monarch, I vow to prevent you from bringing ruin to our-!"

 ***KRRRRRSSSSSSSSH***

21 turned around and saw Travis' beam katana sticking out of the generator behind him, a long gash on the machine and the world's biggest shit eating grin on Travis' face.

"Shouldn't have been rambling like a villain stereotype." Travis said, smirking. Travis sliced once more at the generator, cleaving the machine in two. 21 screamed in panic and bolted out of the generator. "Look at him go, like a buttefly without wings." Explosions rocked the generator, and the familiar sound of the weapons going off outside rocked the building. Travis dusted himself, congratulating himself of a job well done.

"Travis, what the hell did you just do?!" Jack shouted over ECHO.

"Relax, I just took out the generator," Travis responded to his irate partner. "The Cocoon is out of commission."

"Oh, really? Thanks Travis," Jack sarcastically said. "You just broke the one thing that could take out the Moonlight Butterfly that our target is riding! The cannon went off and missed because you broke the whole damn fortress!" And like an apple falling from a tree, gravity took hold of the now disabled Cocoon, as Travis felt himself notably become lighter. And aware of the radioactive label of the generator.

"Oh now that's just not fair." Travis complained. And then it exploded.

* * *

As the Monarch lay siege to the Saint forces atop his magnificent Moonlight Butterfly, he cackled madly as the magic beams tore right through their helicopters and cars with the ease of a hot knife through butter. It was beautiful, seeing his handiwork in action. Sure, they guys who gave him the Butterfly were creepy and shifty, but who cares, he was going to kill the Champion Kaos, win the Tournament and get his wish.

"Nothing can stop me!" The Monarch proclaimed over the roar of explosions. "Not even a…" He turned about, noticing the large shadow looming over him. "My… gigantic… flaming… Cocoon… heading towards… me?" Sure enough, the Monarch's own pride and joy, the flying Cocoon, was heading on a crash collision course towards him and the Moonlight Butterfly. The Monarch barely had any chance to yelp before his own weapon was swatted by the Cocoon, along with several Saint Helicopters. The Cocoon crashed upon the ground, falling apart and crushing anything beneath it. Through the broken windows of the command center, Jack and Eddie climbed out of the debris, while the Overlord walked right through the metal with ease. Jack looked around at the carnage the battle had taken, and was slightly pleased to see the mangled form of the Moonlight Butterfly trapped underneath a pile of rubble, the horn broken off and lying a few feet away. There was just one thing that was missing.

"Where's Travis?" Jack asked. A small explosion went off, and the No More Hero was shot through the air, smoking and screaming as he flew right towards the Heart of Steel. Luckily, the Overlord merely extended his arm, and Travis crashed right into it, landing on the ground with a pained huff.

"Nice catch, big guy…" Travis muttered. Jack pulled his partner up from the ground, dusted him off, and punched him dead in the face with his metallic fist.

"Mission accomplished, I'd say." Eddie said, with a smirk as Travis treated his nosebleed.

"NOT SO FAST, YA BASTARDS!" The familiar squeaky voice of Tim-Tom shouted. The four men turned around and saw Tim-Tom walking through the rubble, beaten and bruised, holding Pierce by the neck with a knife pressed against his throat.

"Let me go you little shit!" Pierce shouted, only to have the blade pressed harder against his neck, barely drawing blood.

"Shut up, Saint." Tim-Tom ordered. "Now listen here, you shits, you may have taken down the Cocoon and the Butterfly, but there's no way you're making it out here alive. Guild Wasps are circling the block, just waiting to swoop in and take yer heads."

"Ah man, don't tell them that yet," Kevin said, appearing amongst the rubble, holding his foot on the Monarch's back with a knife pointed at his neck. "I'd rather see them try and play hero than do this crap."

"Wait, isn't that your boss?" Eddie asked, pointing at the Monarch.

"No one owes allegiance to anyone in this Tournament." Tim-Tom interjected. "Especially when a wish is on the line. So we're going to cut to the chase: You can only save one of these idiots."

"You pick which one to save, he walks away with his neck un-slit." Kevin said, a creepy grin plastered on his face. "The other one, well," He stamped his foot on the Monarch's back, eliciting a groan of pain from his former leader. "Do I even need to say it?"

"And don't get any funny ideas about saving them both," Tim-Tom said, snarling. "Or we kill 'em both and you don't last five seconds before the Guild Wasps tear ya to shreds!"

"Look, I know we had a bit of a moment regarding Shaundi," Pierce bartered, sweating profusely as the blade cautiously drew near his jugular. "But if you save me, I can put in a good word with the Boss! An alliance with the 3rd Street Saints might be a great idea, eh?"

"Ignore that idiot!" The Monarch wheezed. "You may have destroyed my base, killed many of my Henchmen, and smashed my only weapon we could use against the Champion Kaos, but I have information and resources that could prove beneficial for an allegiance! So what do you say?"

"Think quickly, Heart of Steel." Tim-Tom questioned. "Or you won't be makin' any thoughts with bullets in your brains…."

* * *

 _Author's Note: And thus, we have another choice. Save the Monarch or Save Pierce. Which will it be, readers? Also, any Dark Souls fans could probably recognize the figures responsible for selling the Moonlight Butterfly to the Monarch. Speaking of, the Moonlight Butterfly is from the game_ Dark Souls _and is property of_ From Software. _Make your choice wisely, and remember: "The Fate of One is the Fate of All."_


	14. Chapter 13

_Chapter 13: A Cry for Help_

* * *

 **Location: Wreckage of the Cocoon**

 **Urbania Main Road**

* * *

"Tick tock, people," Tim-Tom teasingly said, his knife dangerously poking Pierce in the neck. "Or else you're all gonna die at the hands of the Guild Wasps in a matter of seconds." Kevin snickered a few feet away, kicking into the side of the downed Monarch. Sweat dripped from Jack's forehead, his eyes shifting around as he had his options in front of him. Two lives hang in the balance, both could be of potential use, but who deserved it the most? Pierce was able to put bygones aside for that incident regarding Shaundi and the Fiends, even allowing them to infiltrate the Flying Cocoon with their own equipment, and they definitely could use some manner of leverage with the Fiends… But who knows what the Monarch could offer? He was in possession of a Moonlight Butterfly, one of the Lordran Artifacts, he could have extensive knowledge of secrets hidden throughout the Tournament area. Plus, there was that friend of Travis' who served under the Monarch, Henchman 21, he could have been a valuable asset. Furrowing his brow, Jack finally resigned, and decided on what he believed to be the right choice.

"Let Pierce go." Jack said, pointing at the Saint Lieutenant. "He helped us out, so we're going to repay the favor." Pierce breathed a sigh of relief as Tim-Tom pulled his knife away. The Pupa Twin harshly shoved the Saint away, sending him stumbling towards the Heart of Steel, while Travis and Eddie moved to help him up.

 _(Rick: Unbelievable, folks! Heart of Steel has opted to save Pierce Washington from being murdered at the hands of the Pupae Twins and leaving the Monarch behind to die!)_

 _(Slick: Good for them, I say. The Monarch's a whiny little bitch who just gets on my nerves. Plus, he's going to receive HELL from the Upper Council for smuggling in a Moonlight Butterfly.)_

 _(Rick: I'd hate to be him when that happens.)_

 _(Slick: Amen to that, brother.)_

"Alright, time to honor our end of the bargain…" Tim-Tom said with a sneer. He turned towards Kevin and gave him a nod, the other dwarf gave a wicked cackle as he plunged his knife right through the back of the Monarch's neck. The super-villain gasped as blood spurted from his mouth, looking with hateful eyes at his would-be saviors, before they finally rolled into the back of his head. Kevin yanked his knife out, wiping the blood off on his suit and walked over to his partner in murder. "And advance in this Tournament." The two dwarves flung their knives at Jack, but the Overlord quickly intercepted and blocked the weapons with his armor. The two reeled back in surprise, while the Heart of Steel's faces turned from shock to malice.

 _(Slick: EXAGERATED GASP!)_

" **I knew you Halflings wouldn't honor our deal.** " The Overlord boomed, hefting his bloodied mace. " **So I suppose we don't have to honor ours.** " He raised his gauntlet, forming a burning ball of fire between his fingers. But before he could cast his spell, a javelin flew out of the air, piercing the rubble between the Pupae Twins, who had braced themselves for the attack and saw nothing. Jack noticed that a little red stick was tied to the end of the javelin rod, and a lit fuse was extending from it. Two and two went together… And the dynamite javelin exploded, taking the Twins with them in a ball of fire. Before anyone could question what just happened, the roar of engines overtook the area, and the familiar call of battle from a certain group of madmen rang out. The Heart of Steel turned around and saw Saint trucks carrying Saints, Fiends, and Minions, all working in tandem to take down the rest of the Monarch's surviving Henchmen. And at the helm of it all was none other than Mitch the Match, brandishing a pair of spiked landmines in each hand and riding on the hood of a damaged purple SUV.

"YEEEEHOOOO!" Mitch exclaimed. "Here's a little going away present for ya orange-winged Cazadore rip-offs!" He tossed the landmines like discuses, each one striking a Henchman in the chest and exploding upon impact. He jumped off the SUV, plucking a grenade from his bandolier, and jammed it in the mouth of a panicking Henchman. The Fiend leader kicked his foe away, allowing him to explode in a crowd of his allies, before yanking another and tossing them into more Henchmen. All without harming their comrades in arms and taking out almost all the enemy. Jack and Eddie were impressed. Say what you will about his intelligence and sanity, Mitch knows his explosives.

 _(Rick: Okay, on a scale of One to Torgue, how amazing is that demolitions nut.)_

 _(Slick: Scale of One to Torgue, eh? I vote MICHAEL BAY!_ _ ***explosions sound in background***_ _)_

 _(Rick: I didn't know we had a SFX button that played that.)_

 _(Slick: Oh… SFX button… Yeah, that's what I pushed.)_

 _(Rick: That was a remote detonator, wasn't it?)_

 _(Slick: YOU ASK TO MUCH!)_

Once the last of the Henchmen were mopped up, the Saints began loading up while gathering their fallen, while the Heart of Steel was left to their own devices. Travis began rummaging through the wreckage, searching for any semblance of Henchman 21's body, but turned up empty. The Overlord was busy managing his Minions, instructing them on the usage of firearms given to them by the Gun Runners (namely that you don't point the slim end of the gun towards your eyeball), Eddie simply tuned his guitar, while Jack helped Pierce onto a helicopter.

"I can't thank you enough for saving my ass back there," Pierce said, treating one of his cuts from the battle. "I'll be sure to put in a good word for you with the Boss, plus I'll make it so you can get safe access around parts of our turf without getting harassed by our boys." Jack gave a short chuckle, patting Pierce on the shoulder.

"No problem." Jack said. "You scratched our backs, so we returned the favor. Take it easy, and watch out for the other guys out there." His eye glinted for a moment. "Hate to see you get killed by some amateur agent out there." Pierce gave a nod, climbing into the helicopter as it took off, while the other Saints left the area, leaving the Heart of Steel and their army behind.

"So how did you guys get here?" Travis asked, addressing the elephant in the room. "And how did you evade the Guild Wasps the Pupae Twats talked about?" Mitch tilted his head to the side, his blast helmet nearly sliding off.

"What Guild Wasps?" Mitch asked. "The only guys here were the Saints and the Cocoon, no Guild Wasps." Travis silently fumed at the aspect of those two little shits pulling them for fools while Mitch continued. "Anyway, Gnarl got a call from you guys asking for backup, and Murphy suggested we go along as backup. We arrived and saw the Cocoon go down, so we talked with a few of the Saints and teamed up, and then I got to make MY BEAUTIFUL EXPLOSIONS!" He cackled madly. "I HAVEN'T HAD A DAY LIKE THIS IN AGES! IT WAS WONDERFUL!" While Mitch rambled to himself about explosions, Travis tapped Jack on the shoulder, a worried look on his face.

"I was looking through the rubble and couldn't find 21 anywhere," Travis said, a nervous glint in his eyes. "Same goes with the Monarch's wife. I think they might have jumped ship."

"Ah, there's nothing to worry about," Eddie reassured. "Without the Cocoon and the entire Henchmen force, 21 and Dr. Mrs. The Monarch don't have a chance at winning the Tournament." Travis still looked a bit nervous, but the others dismissed it.

"Now that we've got the Monarch taken care of," Jack said. "Let's head back to the Lookout Watch, Cinder might have info on our next target." He walked over to the still rambling Mitch and gently conked him on the head. "Call your troops, we're heading back." Mitch did as such, while the Overlord did the same with his Minions, and the Heart of Steel began marching down the Main Road back to the Watch. Travis spared one last glance at the wreckage of the Cocoon and the smoldering remains of the Moonlight Butterfly, damaged beyond repair and dead as a doornail, with its prized horn lying on the ground a few feet away. Travis wondered what became of his friend, but knew there was indeed a possibility of seeing 21 again. As Travis turned around and followed after his fellows in arms, nobody noticed as someone emerged from the shadows and snatched the Butterfly's horn, whisking it away to who knows where and vanishing once more.

* * *

 **Location: Urbania Lookout Watch**

"Hey, we're back!" Travis said, entering the command center alongside his allies. "We got the Monarch issue taken care of, and we're up and ready to go!" Inside the room, Agent Cinder was hunched over the table, with Sylvia and Mr. Murphy flanking him, listening to a radio broadcast. Gnarl sat idly by, talking with Giblet about forging new armor, while Magnus tried his hardest not to look the recently arrived Mitch for fear of him eating his face.

"Good to hear," Cinder offhandedly said. "Now shut up, I'm listening to this S.O.S." Jack quirked his eyebrow, joining the three at the table. Cinder turned up the volume on their radio, a crackling sound followed by a slightly distorted voice.

 _(Slick: Someone listening to a radio show that isn't hosted by us?!)_

 _(Rick: How scandalous.)_

 _(Slick: PREPARE THE WITCH FOR BURNING!)_

 _(Rick: H-hey! Put that torch down!)_

"… Kidnapped…" Said the voice on the radio, a faintly smug sounding man on the other side. "Being held… Ultor Tower… glowing sword... small security force… Immediately…" Jack pushed Cinder aside and began fiddling with the radio, finally tuning it to listenable sound. "I'll put this on repeat. This is Dane Vogul, Ultor CEO and Tournament Sponsor." Everyone turned their heads towards the broadcast. "I have been kidnapped by a bunch of lunatics and am being held atop Ultor Tower by some chick with a glowing sword while a small security force guards me. Send help immediately, I'll pay handsomely! I'll put this on repeat." Jack shut off the radio while Cinder let off an exasperated sigh.

"Of course Vogul the Mogul is here…" Cinder complained, sitting down on a chair.

"Dane Vogul… Isn't he supposed to be dead?" Eddie asked. "Or is he one of _those_ cases?"

"Yep, he's a Gem Body." Cinder admitted. "Corporate dirtbag managed to somehow get himself a second life with aid from the Saints and get his soul shoved in a self-sustaining Black Soul Gem and a faux body." He gave a sarcastic laugh. "Now he's flesh and blood again… Just my luck…"

"Before I ask how a jerk like him managed to become a Gem Body," Jack said. "I'd like to know why you have such a low opinion of Vogul. Ultor does happen to manufacture a great deal of heavy arms for the IDA." Cinder fell from his seat, a nervous chuckle escaping his lips.

"Well, my job description with the IDA is corporate infiltration," Cinder explained. "And Ultor was one of my jobs… I may or may not have been involved in his death at the hands of the Saints." He folded his arms across his orange suited chest, pouting slightly. "He was a shit boss anyway…"

"And he's being held captive in his own tower," Travis mused. "Just ripe for the picking for a Sponsorship." Suddenly, Cinder's eyes lit up like golden bars. "But if you don't like the guy, I guess we can leave him for the other fighters to pick up." He started walking towards the door, motioning for the others to follow. "C'mon guys, we can go and find the next group to take down if he get scouting." Just as Travis moved to open the door, Cinder immediately stood in his way, a huge smile plastered on his face.

"Gentlemen, I have just thought up a brilliant plan of action to undertake." Cinder said. "You are to take your vehicles and travel to the Munitions Marketing District of Urbania, storm Ultor Tower, take out any opposition within and secure Dane Vogul so I can instigate a Sponsorship Deal with him." Those in the room blinked at Cinder's sudden 180 turn, while Travis sported a smug look on his face.

"I dunno, what do we get for it?" Travis asked, folding his arms.

"Ultor is a huge corporation," Cinder explained, rubbing his hands together. "One that has succeeded in opening branches beyond its universe of origin. They stockpile armor, weapons, high-tech vehicles, and Special Ops soldiers by the pound! We get ahold of them, we'll have a special operations group and all their tools for our army!" He snickered to himself. "Plus, the price in stock alone is enough to make heads spin." He dashed over to a nearby computer and began typing away. "I'll upload the location of Ultor Tower to your ECHOs, get to rescuing him while I talk with my informants about finding our next primary target." A blip on their devices signaled the new objective, and the four men of Heart of Steel were now set on their newest mission. While Travis, Jack, and the Overlord piled into the elevator, Eddie walked over to a rather perturbed looking Mr. Murphy.

"Hey, why's Cinder all hopped up on getting another Sponsor?" Eddie asked. "All it really does is make things easier for us, doesn't it?"

"Tch… Sponsorship Deals aren't just bonuses in a game, Mr. Riggs." The Gun Runner said with a scoff. "When a group signs a contract with a Sponsor in the Tournament, they actually make a business deal that goes on outside of the Tournament as well. When the Gun Runners partnered up with you, Cinder wrote up a contract that sold half our assets to him without even realizing it. We haven't been this short on Caps since someone broke into our headquarters in New Vegas and sold our secrets to the Crimson Caravans." Murphy continued to mumble to himself, cursing the orange clothed man, while Eddie joined the others in the elevator. Before the doors could close, however, Magnus got in the way and kept it open.

"Wait guys!" Magnus exclaimed. "Since your rides were caught in the Cocoon when it went down, they're going to be out of commission until I get them fixed!" Travis, Jack, and Eddie groaned, while the Overlord once again seemed indifferent. "Don't worry, Ultor Tower ain't too far from here, so you can make do on foot. Good luck!" The door slid shut, and the four men of action were off to rescue a business mogul from an unknown enemy. Oh joy.

* * *

 _Author and Editor's Note: MERRY NEW YEAR EVERYONE! HAH HAH HAH HA!_ _ **(Happy, you git. It's "Happy" New Year.)**_ _Another year has come and gone, full of various events large and small for everyone! We'd like to take a moment and thank each and every one of you for supporting this story with all your reviews! It makes us extremely happy to know how many of you enjoy the work we put forward… Really is a great motivator…_ _ **(Don't get sappy now, you over-emotional sack. We've still have the actual story stuff to cover.)**_ _Right, now onto business. In regards to the vote regarding who to spare. The majority voted Pierce, and have succeeded in making a long term investment! Good work, but who knows what secrets you missed with letting the Monarch die… Eh, whatever happens happened, but now we have a new mission: Rescue Dane Vogul (of the_ Saints Row _franchise by Volition)_. _Tune in next time and find out what the heck is happening at Ultor Tower, and be prepared for another exciting battle in the next chapter of IDA Ultimate Tournament!_

 _~IDA Officials, Head Writer Mask_ _**and Chief Editor Jasper T. Critic**_

* * *

 _ **For those of you curious about that 'Gem Body' statement, allow us to explain. The IDA hires those both good and bad into their ranks, but sometimes those we would deem necessary to aid in us already are bound to the mortal coil. So, using Tamrielic Black Soul Gems, a great deal of unstable necromancy, and copious amount of voodoo, the IDA has developed the Gem Bodies, people whose souls have been taken into special Black Soul Gems and have been granted life through artificial bodies to be granted an extension of life. They are slightly more durable than they were before dying once, but are still mortal. Those of you who wonder why certain fighters appearing (who are confirmed to be dead) are here, they are simply Gem Bodies.**_

 _ **~IDA Official, Creative Lead Red Rider**_


	15. Chapter 14

**Chapter 14** : _**The Warrior Apprentice**_

 _ **Location: Munitions Marketing District**_

 _ **Urbania**_

* * *

The Munitions Marketing District was just a simple offshoot of the Main Road, and played host to many firearms companies. From the ever loud Torgue Corporation offices, with its explosions and absurdities, to the various thermal guns of Salarian make, to the incredibly large and often overpopulated Mann Co. storefront. Everything sold guns, even the vending machines sold pistols instead of snack foods. But among the more glorious sights in the District was the massive Ultor Tower, the intimidating red and black skyscraper belonging to one of the IDA's biggest financial and military backers, the Ultor Corporation. The company responsible for numerous pieces of the IDA's arsenal, ranging from special operatives, guns, and clothing line, had one of the greatest landmarks in all of Base Prime. It is here that, after a long walk, the four men of the Heart of Steel finally arrived, whilst amidst a conversation.

"And so I've got my sword running right through her abdomen and she's bleeding all over me," Travis said, recounting one of his older missions. "But that bitch wouldn't let up and just starts wailing on me with her baseball bat." Eddie let off a long whistle, while the Overlord and Jack looked disinterested.

"You serious?" Eddie asked, the No More Hero giving a solemn nod. "Damn, and I thought the guys I had to put up with were nuts."

"Tch, I live in a world with carnivorous unicorns and succubi harems," The Overlord scoffed. "That is nothing." The four men approached the wide glass doors to the building, where Dane Vogul currently lay in a dire hostage situation. Travis attempted to open the doors, only to find them locked tight.

"Damn, we're going to have to bust in." Travis muttered. "Alright, who wants to-?" The immediate sound of shattered glass and the Overlord bellowing loudly silenced Travis, who turned and saw the sizable hole where the door once was. "Good work team." Jack grumbled, stepping through the hole with the others in pursuit. The entered the pristine white lobby of the Ultor building, surprised to find most of it intact compared to the rest of the Tournament area. The only notable things that stood out was someone had apparently spray painted a black and white mask over the Ultor logo on the floor.

 _(Rick: I actually frequent Ultor for their clothing line-up.)_

 _(Slick: They sell suits and fancy stuff, more up my alley. You dress casually.)_

 _(Rick: Oh, you're one to talk, Mr. Turtle Necks.)_

"No guards, how odd…" The Overlord muttered, dusting the shattered glass off his shoulders. The four men began to wander about, searching for any signs of conflict. Eddie checked to see if the elevator was working (because there was no way in hell they were going to climb up sixty flights of stairs), and sure enough, they were. Eddie chuckled, glad that things were actually going his way for once, but his thoughts were disrupted when he felt something sticky land on his shoulder. The Roadie turned and saw that large gob of something landed on him, suspiciously like saliva. Carefully, Eddie looked upwards to the ceiling, and found that they were not alone.

"THE FUCK ARE THOSE THINGS?!" Eddie shouted. The others looked up at the ceiling and saw eight strange people dangling from the ceiling by hooks on their hands, each one disheveled and bearing a psychotic look and bandages all over their arms and bodies. They could only be one thing.

"Splicers!" Jack barked, revving his chainsaw. "Spider Splicers!" The Splicers cackled, each dropping from the ceiling and circling the four men, raking their bloodied hooks. The four men drew their weapons, startled at the arrival of these lunatics, but took notice that each of the Splicers bore a white mask icon on their shoulders, much like the graffiti on the floor.

 _(Slick: I wasn't aware that Splicers were allowed to compete. Those nuts from the undersea city of Rapture are even more unhinged than Fiends, due to the fact their bodies are pumped to the brim with a gene enhancing drug called ADAM.)_

 _(Rick: If I recall correctly, the IDA plays host to a few of the Rapture Family Splicers, but the fact they're bearing marks is a bit unusual, even for them!)_

"Lookit here, mates," One of the Splicers, who wore bandages over his face, snickered in a Cockney accent. "We caught ourselves a bunch of fishies here." The other Splicers maliciously chuckled. "Probably here to rescue the big fish strung up top, aren't they?"

"What's it to you, Splicers?" Jack questioned. "Why would you drug addled fucks want anything to do with Ultor? Vogul doesn't have anything involving that gene-enhancing ADAM crap, so why go after him."

"Shut it, ya limp shits!" Another Splicer snarled, scraping his hooks on the floor. "Say anythin' smart again and we _will_ kill your dicks!" Travis, for one, looked appalled.

"Kill our dicks?" Travis repeated. "What the hell's that supposed to mean? We'll kill _your_ dicks! How about that?" Jack merely cupped his face into his palm.

"That is the stupidest thing to come out of your mouth to date." Jack grumbled. "Yet oddly familiar." Jack shrugged it off, and returned to the situation at hand. "But seriously, what the hell do you want?"

"Normally, we wouldn't give a flying piss what goes on outside of our own hobbles," The first Splicer explained. "But that scary bint with the glowing skewer offered us five oil drums filled with ADAM if we played Scotland Yard." He held up his hook hand, pointing at Jack. "And we aim to get that bounty." Rolling his eyes, Jack simply reached out with his metal arm, grabbed the hook, and twisted the weapon between his fingers. The Splicer yelped in surprise, while Jack yanked him over, held the arm behind his back, and rammed his chainsaw through the Splicer's torso. The crazed man fell dead on the ground, a gaping hole in his body spilling blood, while the other Splicers looked both horrified and furious.

 _(Slick: Epic fight time?)_

 _(Rick: Epic fight time.)_

 _(Slick: EPIC FIGHT TIME!)_

* * *

 _(Recommended music: NMH from the No More Heroes OST)_

* * *

"Let's rock." Travis said, and immediately dove towards a pair of Splicers, Tsubaki Mk. III glistening its green hue. Before the attackers could react, Travis sliced them clean down the middle, their top halves falling to the ground while the legs crumpled in a heap. Taking initiative himself, Eddie readied _Clementine_ and hammered out an Earthshaker wave, knocking the Splicers back a bit and giving the others some breathing room.

"Rip their innards out and hang 'em with it!" A Splicer yowled, bounding on all fours like a rabid animal. Eddie quickly swapped his guitar for his axe and delivered a critical blow to the charging Splicer, cleaving him in twine. The other Splicers quickly got wise and started climbing the walls, eager to get away from the dangerous men. Eddie and the Overlord, however, were on it. Those that weren't fast enough to avoid the Overlord's fireballs found themselves burnt to a crisp, practically fused to the walls. Those that escaped were forced to fight the winged Roadie, trying to knock away the _Separator_ with flailing hook swings. Eddie clashed with a particularly stubborn Splicer who dangled from the ceiling by both his legs, spiked boots digging into the ceiling. The Splicer managed to get a small scratch on Eddie's arm, to which Eddie promptly responded by dismembering the Spider Splicer at the knee.

"Incoming asshole!" Eddie shouted, watching the Spider Splicer drop like a sack of shit. Travis saw the falling foe, and decided for a little pizazz at the moment. He quickly slashed the Splicer he grappled with and ran towards the plummeting idiot with his blade raised above his head. The Splicer was speared right through the abdomen, gasping in pain as Travis smirked in triumph.

"Gene Junky Kebab!" Travis laughed, tossing the corpse of his blade. The Splicers were almost dead, but the sound of the elevator opening brought great worry. Ten more Splicers piled out, each carrying an automatic rifle or Tommy gun, aimed right at the fighters.

"Leadheads!" Jack called out, tossing a dazed Splicer towards Travis. "Take cover!" Bullets erupted from the mouths of the gun, roaring loudly as they tore the room apart. Jack shielded himself with his arm, Travis hid behind his new human shield as the Splicer was filled with more holes than a poorly written novel, Eddie simply flew about, dodging as many bullets has he could, while the Overlord simply stood there and took it like a man, the lead ammunition simply bouncing off the durable armor of the dark lord. The live fire went on for a full minute, until a total of ten guns coughed air as opposed to bullets.

"Oh shit with a side of spaghetti." One of the Leadheads muttered as the Heart of Steel charged at them, weapons drawn and ready to kill. The skirmish lasted a mere fifteen seconds, and soon all the Splicers were reduced no nothing but corpses and stains on the walls.

 _(Rick: Why would anyone want shit with a side of spaghetti?)_

 _(Slick: Isn't that what you make for brunch? *self-high five* BURN!)_

"That takes care of that ambush." Jack said, wiping blood off his goggles. "But why the hell are a bunch of Splicers competing in the Tournament?"

"Yeah, Rapture's one of those 'do not disturb' spots," Eddie added, adjusting the strap on his guitar. "Weird seeing as we just saw a Moonlight Butterfly, also."

"I don't think there's a connection," Travis responded, lifting up the severed arm of one of the Splicers. "These guys all have this weird mark on them, and 21 told me someone from Lordran sold them that Butterfly." The assassin tossed the limb aside. "There's something else at play here."

"It's not important," The Overlord grumbled, standing by the open elevator. "Let's just focus on getting Vogul and dealing with the matter at hand." The others turned to each other and shrugged, joining their ominous companion in the elevator just as he pressed the button to the roof. While the small compartment rose to the top, the four men stood around in relative silence, listening to faint elevator music. "So, inform me about this Vogul person. I'm not well versed in your advanced types of storefronts."

"Judging from that thing with the ECHO earlier, that's not surprising." Travis muttered under his breath, quiet enough not to anger the evil menace.

"Dane Vogul is the CEO of the Ultor Corporation," Jack explained. "A company that has its roots in the same universe the Saints come from, but has grown so influential that it was the first company to open up offices and a storefront in another universe. He was apparently killed by the leader of the Saints way back and was stuck in Hell for a while, until the Boss was kidnapped by the Devil and Vogul struck a deal with one of the Saint lieutenants to start a hostile business takeover, a guy named Johnny Gat."

"I recall meeting a Johnny Gat on my way to Lookout Watch." The Overlord mused.

"About a year after that ordeal," Jack continued. "The Saints joined the IDA and became one of their larger forces. Thanks to that, Vogul was able to use the Saints as backing to become a Gem Body and expand his storefront. Now Ultor exists in most IDA-protected Universes, and happens to sell a bulk of the IDA's munitions supplies comparable to the shit the gun companies from the Vault Universe churn out." Jack plucked a cigarette and gave it a quick light. "Vogul is one of the biggest financial players in the IDA, making him almost as big as one of the Upper Council members." The Overlord gave an impressed sigh, the conversation abruptly ending as the elevator finally came to a halt. "Game time, boys."

The elevator opened with a soft ding, allowing the four men to walk out onto the large concrete rooftop. Like the rest of the building, everything was emblazoned with the red and black Ultor logo, even the three helicopter pads. Travis mentioned something about the Company being way too damn pretentious before exiting, keeping an eye out for the target. Sure enough, sitting tied to an executive swivel chair was a man in a black business suit with sandy blonde hair. It could only be none other than Dane Vogul, the normally smug and confident business mogul who bought out hell itself looking irritated behind the cloth gag in his mouth. The Heart of Steel ran to the tied up man and began undoing his bindings.

* * *

 **Dane Vogul, Ultor CEO**

 **Has Good Taste in Scotch**

* * *

"Took you long enough!" Dane grunted as soon as the gag came off. "Did someone finally get their head out of their ass and send the cavalry or are you all I got? Because if that's the case, I'm kind of concerned on how you made it this far."

"Vogul, keep talking shit and the gag goes back on." Jack firmly said, breaking the bindings on his hands. "Now, focus more on the important stuff, like the 'some mysterious punks kidnapped you' part, because shit's been turned on its head ever since you got captured."

"I thought you didn't want me to talk, Cayman." Dane playfully teased, only to earn a glare from the DeathWatcher. "Alright, jeez, it was a joke. Pull that rod out of your ass sometime."

"It's really far up there, Vogul," Travis said, keeping an eye out. "It'd take a miracle to accomplish that."

"Travis, for the love of god," Jack grumbled into his hand. "I will throw you off the roof if you don't shut up."

"Anyway, I didn't really see much," Dane explained, dusting his suit off. "Given I was conducting a Sponsorship Deal with the Saints to avoid getting shot in the face, someone snuck up behind me and black-bagged me. Then I got hit in the face, someone bound and gagged me while I was out, and I wake up inside a dark room surrounded by a bunch of shadowy figures."

"Shadowy figures, eh?" Eddie asked, rubbing the scruff of his beard. "How many were there and what did they look like?"

"They looked like shadows, pal, I couldn't see." Dane said, incredulously. "But I think there were eight of them, three were definitely women, and I think one of them was a small unicorn."

"Unicorn?" Travis asked, perking his head up. "Does that mean Equestrian Unicorn?"

 _(Rick: To note, the representatives of Equestria are, in fact, competing in the Ultimate Tournament.)_

 _(Slick: Who says that pretty pink ponies can't be badass? I will fight ANYONE WHO DISAGREES!)_

 _(Rick: Put down that crack pipe, you dim bulb.)_

"I wasn't aware Equis was even competing," The Overlord mused. "Given the violent nature of this Tournament." Dane coughed loudly, directing the attention back to him.

"Back to my story, okay?" Dane interrupted. "So the two calling the shots were a boy and girl, teenagers I think, said they wanted by nuts for a hackey-sack because someone wanted me out of the way, but they decided to dump me on this rooftop before they could finish the job. They kept up bringing up a 'Mask' every now and then, but bing-bang-boom, they dropped me off here and I've been stuck here since. Also, I really gotta piss."

"The guys downstairs all had white mask emblems on their persons," Eddie said. "And you say these guys are on about 'Mask'…" He spat on the ground. "You were targeted by the Army of Abominations."

"Shit, I forgot the other Universal Powers were competing." Travis said, shaking his head. "Now we've got Mask and his freaky servants to deal with? Fuck!" He angrily kicked over a box. "I've still got a score to settle with those Blight bastards!"

"The Blight Family?" Dane asked, quirking his eyebrow. "You crossed those psychopathic siblings or something?"

"Wouldn't be surprised." Jack grumbled, rolling his shoulders. "Travis' motor-mouth has gotten him in more trouble than I can count, given our history together." A smirk crept onto his lips. "Probably hit on the sister and got the two brothers all riled up." The four men shared a laugh at the assassin's expense, while Travis fumed in silence.

"Go to hell, Jack." Travis spat, a vein dangerously close to bursting on his forehead visibly showing. "And no, I didn't flirt with that bitch or piss off her homicidal brothers. It's that they are dishonorable fighters!" He plucked his Rose Nasty from his belt and ignited the beam katana, the red blade glowing brightly against his face. "Roven Blight is one of the few shitheads in the Nexus who I've fought in battle _and lost to_." He sported a look of raw fury. "We've fought eight times in the past, three of them were because he called his brother and sister into the fray just because he didn't want to get his scarred hands dirty." He held the blade in a samurai pose he was fond of taking. "But one day, I'll beat him, fair and square, and when I do, I'll run my blade through his heart, one stab for every defeat. I swear it." Jack was surprised, he had never heard this kind of attitude and commitment come from a jokester like Travis before. It was almost refreshing, and brimming with determination.

"Quite a vow, Travis," Said a sarcastic voice of a young woman. The Heart of Steel and Dane reeled about and saw, standing in front of the elevator, was a sinister looking woman. She was a fairly beautiful young woman, her auburn hair done up in four small pigtails that looped around her ears, adorned in black robes that concealed a dark brown futuristic sleek armor. A notable accessory were the two black and silver cylinders resting on her hips, not unlike Travis' own beam katana, and the same white mask mark on her shoulder like the foes downstairs. "Shame you'll never keep it."

* * *

 _ **Mikali Blight,**_

 _ **Youngest Blight Sibling and Sith Warrior**_

* * *

 _(Slick: Hoo-boy, now we're getting into the REAL shit here! Especially if the Blight Family is competing!)_

 _(Rick: Right you are, Slick. For those of you unaware, this year's Ultimate Tournament is the first to allow other Universal Powers to compete, and among them being the ever infamous Army of Abominations.)_

 _(Slick: The Army, and their creepy leader Mask, are a group hell-bent on domination, believing that control is the only means to survival and thriving. And Mask is willing to do anything to get it, including acquiring the services of the infamous Blight Family.)_

 _(Rick: The Blight Family is an 'out-of-time' case that the Army happened to take full advantage of. Hailing from the year 3640 BBY from the Universe of the Force, three siblings under the Sith Empire flag fell through a Rift that opened above the skies of the planet Balmorra and wound up in the custody of the Army. The horror that followed, none could forget.)_

 _(Slick: The Blight Family consists of three siblings, two brothers and a sister. Right here we have the youngest of the family, Apprentice Mikali Blight. According to reports from that era, Mikali is an incredible fighter with her twin lightsabers, a dangerous user of the Dark Side of the Force, and not too polite, if you catch my drift.)_

 _(Rick: She's skilled enough to be a Dark Lord or even a Darth on her own, but the one thing stopping her… is her Master…)_

"Hello, Mikali…" Travis growled, the glow of his katana reflecting in his sunglasses. "I'd say it's nice to see you again, but it isn't nice to lie to a lady. You are a lady, right?" Eddie and Jack stared slack jawed at Travis' sudden bravado, while Dane leaned over to the stoic and silent Overlord.

"Where did he get the stones to back talk a fucking Sith?" Dane whispered, slightly worried. The Overlord simply shrugged, finding the whole scene amusing.

"How's being Roven's boot-licking apprentice treating you? Still getting a turn on by the electro-shock treatment that he's so fond of using?" Mikali flinched, her face furrowing in anger.

"Do not disrespect Darth Erisen, Touchdown!" Mikali shouted. "You are not worthy to so much as spit on the stones my master uses to scrape excrement from his boots!"

"Yak-yak-yak," Travis taunted, using his hand as a puppet. "That's all you Blight siblings ever do, prance about with your big talk and then play dirty in fights just because you can't win fairly." He jabbed a thumb towards himself. "I may be a homicidal assassin with more blood on my hands than a butcher, but at least I do things with honor."

"Tch," Jack scoffed under his breath. "Says the prick who left me for dead more than once." Travis shot the DeathWatcher a slightly irritated glance.

"Shut up, Cayman," Travis growled through gritted teeth. "I'm doing a thing." Travis turned back to Mikali, a stern look on his face as he readied his stance. "I will take great pleasure in cutting you down!" Mikali simply glanced bemused at the two red swords, then walked over to a small podium that sported a small red button.

"Why don't you prove it then, Crownless King?" Mikali said, slamming her hand down on the button. Red blaring alarms went off as the building began to shake, startling the Heart of Steel while Dane simply looked blanched and upset.

"Shit, she just started the Sponsorship Challenge." Dane muttered, rubbing his face. Four large pillars shot from the corners of the roof, stretching about twenty feet into the air. Large discs popped from the tops of the pillars, revealing to be large fan blades that activated at absurdly fast speeds. Various circular panels opened up all around, exposing red targets like pepperoni on a square pizza. To top it all off, emerging from the elevator was once again the Black Baron, accompanied by Angry Tiger, twirling his cane and smiling wide.

"That's right, pimps 'n playas," The Baron announced, smiling at the arriving cameras. "The Heart of Steel has just triggered another Sponsorship Challenge!" Travis quirked his head to the side, pointing at the Baron.

"Wait, didn't we see you get shoved into a wood chipper?" Travis asked. He was ignored, however, as the Baron continued his tirade.

 _(Slick: I saved that scene on replay.)_

"Y'all know me, the Bishop of Blood 'n Carnage, the Black Baron!" The Baron proclaimed, giving his coat a flourish. "And weather reports are callin' for a bit of a chance of cloudy skies and Crimson Rain!" He leaned towards Angry Tiger with a wink. "See how Ah worked both the title 'n the song in there, kitty?" Angry Tiger simply giggled as the Baron continued walking about. "The game itself is about as simple as getting' high as a kite, which is what y'all will be doin' to the dumb as hell druggie Splicers that'll be crawlin' all over like a bitch after one too many." He walked over to a red circle and gestured towards it with his cane. "These little spots are spring-loaded catapults that snatch any shit that so much as puts a foot on 'em, then blasts their asses up into those industrial strength helicopter blades up there. Ya get points for every idiot made into a smoothie, just watch where ya step, ya hear?" The Baron started cackling, as though he told the funniest joke in the world, but didn't notice Angry Tiger stick her foot out, causing the pimp to trip and land face first on a spring pad. His legs started flailing as his upper half was stuck inside, but was soon granted his freedom… sort've. "AW HELL NA-!" He shot upwards, right into the blades, getting torn to shreds.

"Angry Tiger roar!" Angry Tiger proclaimed, striking a cat-like pose before running off to who knows where. Mikali activated her lightsabers, twirling the crimson blades between her fingers.

"This should be easy," Eddie remarked. "It's four against one, we can beat this easy."

"Eh, not exactly." Dane hesitantly stated. "The challenge is restricted to a limit of two fighters at a time." Just as the Ultor Exec said this, glass walls shot up and trapped the Heart of Steel (sans Travis) and Dane inside a box. "And we have to watch." Jack and the Overlord started pounding on the walls, attempting to escape, but Travis raised a hand to stop them.

"Don't." He commanded, a clear intensity in his voice. "This is my fight, Mikali and her brothers are my own bane, and I'll see them taken care of for good." He shot a cocky glance at his partners. "I'll win this for you guys." Jack glanced to his other allies, seeing Eddie cheering him on and the Overlord once more in his stoic state, the DeathWatcher faced the assassin and offered a simple thumbs up. Travis smirked, watching as Mikali took her place and Splicers began to climb the building.

" _ **3…2…1… GO!"**_

* * *

 _(Recommended Music: Crimson Rain by Ox from MadWorld)_

* * *

As Spider Splicers began swarming the rooftop, Mikali and Travis immediately dove to opposite sides of the area and began their killing spree. Three Splicers were immediately felled by Travis' blades, while he quickly moved to shove a charging foe onto a spring pad. His foe was immediately trapped, and in a matter of seconds, the Splicer shot up into the air, screaming all too briefly before the blades tore him to shreds. Entrails and gunk rained from the sky, but Travis didn't have the time to marvel at his work, as more and more Splicers began to surround him.

"Having trouble, are we, assassin?" Mikali taunted. Travis turned and saw the Sith woman standing over ten dead Splicers, each bearing burn slashes across their bodies. "Maybe you should just do everyone a favor and get launched." Travis growled, dropping to his hands and delivering a roundhouse kick that knocked all the other Splicers away, a few of them landing on spring pads. From the sidelines, the rest of the team stood watching Travis and Mikali competing, with differing expressions on their faces (except the Overlord for obvious reasons).

"This isn't good." Eddie muttered. "Mikali's racking up a higher body count than Travis. If she wins…"

"Don't worry, guitar guy." Dane said, his smug look showing once more. "The Blight girl may have more kills, but she's not playing her cards right." The three men quirked their heads at the Ultor Exec's peculiar statement, but their trains of thought were derailed when a Splicer planted face-first onto their glass chamber. "They are really ugly up close." Said Splicer was peeled off my Travis before being flung into another Splicer, the two getting tangled up and stuck in another spring pad. Travis smirked, counting at least twenty bodies' dead, many in pieces, thanks to him. If he kept this up, he'd finally have a mark on one of the damned Blight Family. In a show of bravado, Travis began fighting his way towards the Sith Warrior, watching as she continued to slice up opponents like a hot knife on butter. Once he felt himself close enough, Travis leapt up and swung his red blades down upon the Sith, but Mikali was faster, quickly moving to block.

"Quite the move, Touchdown." Mikali said, feigning her pleasure. "But you have no chance of beating me." Mikali drew one of her blades away and attempted a slash at the Crownless King, but Travis was lithe enough to dodge. A real battle formed between these two, sparks of red littering the rooftops as the lightsabers and beam katana struck against each other, with Mikali clearly having the upper hand. With every swing of her blades, Mikali struck with the ferocity of a freight train, but Travis' own stubborn tenacity and battle-hardened skills (thank you, Thunder Ryu) managed to allow him to hold her back. "I'll knock you down!" With a thrust of her arm, Travis felt himself violently pushed back by an invisible force, impacting extremely hard on the railing of the roof.

"Bitch!" Travis swore, coughing up a gob of blood. "Of course you'd cheat and use the Force! That's all you Blight's ever do: cheat, lie, and act like shit!" Mikali roared in fury, sprinting towards Travis with both her sabers poised to strike. Quickly rolling out of the way, Travis succeeded in dodging as the Sith plunged her blades into the ground. "Gotcha!" Mikali looked up in confusion, but then took notice that the surface of where her feet were placed seemed softer than the Sith followed her legs, saw where she stood, and shot Travis the most hateful gaze ever.

"I hate you, Travis Touchdown." Mikali Blight growled. In an instant, she was trapped by the spring spot, and an alarm blared, signaling the end of the game. The fans ceased rotating and retreated back into the building, the surviving Splicers fled, and the spring spots sealed up, with the exception of the spot housing one furious Sith.

 **Winner, TRAVIS TOUCHDOWN!**

The glass box containing Vogul and the three other men vanished, allowing the rest of the team to congratulate the No More Hero.

"That was awesome!" Eddie exclaimed. "Seeing you dodge and roll like that, holy crap I wish I could move that fast!"

"Gotta admit," Jack said, puffing his cigarette as a smirk wormed onto his face. "Didn't expect you to pull off a ballsy move like that, Travis." He gestured to the struggling Mikali in the ground.

"Eh, it was mostly improv," Travis admitted, dismissively. "But still, feels good to take a Blight down a notch." Dane Vogul approached Travis, clutching a suitcase in his hand.

"Congrats on your win, pal." Dane said, a genuine smile on his face. "For the record, if the Sith didn't eliminate herself by accident, you would've won anyway for following the rules." Both Travis and Mikali sported confused looks. "The rules were to kill as many people by using the blades above, hence the name Crimson Rain. You did just that, while Mikali Blight just killed assholes willy nilly." He held the suitcase up to Travis, hand on the latch. "In honor of your win, the Ultor Corporation would like to present you with one of our latest weapons." He opened the suitcase, revealing the unique contents within. It was a highly advanced beam katana, a black and red design with a cross-guard in the shape of the Ultor logo, and what appeared to be an attachment slot on the pommel.

"Is that…" Travis said in awe, picking up the new weapon. The grip of the katana felt evenly balanced, and very refined, almost like a rapier. The assassin ignited the blade, unleashing a long purple blade, going at about four feet in length, ending in a fine point at the top.

 _(Rick: That is the most beautiful thing I've ever seen.)_

 _(Slick: It's enough to make a grown man cry….)_

"May I present the Ultor BK-8911 Beam Katana," Dane introduced. "Or as we like to call it, the _Deal Breaker_." Travis gave it a few flourishes, the lightness of the blade opting him to take a stance akin to a fencer as opposed to a samurai. "When Ultor got a look at beam weaponry, we wanted to come out with a toy that was more suited to mano-a-mano type skirmishes, so the Deal Breaker was designed with classic fencing as its base."

"I get it," Travis said, deactivating his new weapon. "So it's a beam _rapier_ instead of a beam katana." Dane nodded, continuing his explanation.

"It won't help out against lots of baddies," Dane said. "But it's great for going against other swordsmen and single opponents. You've got the exclusive edition that allows attachment upgrades, compatible with most weapon based technology. And now that's settled…" He walked over to where Mikali continued to struggle. "Care to do the honors and get the loser off my property." A lever popped up from the ground, while Mikali's expression continued to grow more and more furious.

Travis chuckled, cracking his knuckles. "With pleasure." Placing his hands on the lever, Travis glanced down at Mikali and kicked some dirt in her face. "Tell your brothers that they're next." The No More Hero yanked the lever down, and Mikali was immediately shot into the air, screaming profanities and flying high into the sky, before vanishing in a speck of light. "Let's get you back to Lookout Watch, Vogul. Cinder will draw up the Sponsorship Contract when we get there." Dane sputtered at the mention of Cinder's name.

"Please don't tell me you're referring to my ex-technology division's head, Luke Cinder." Dane groaned. "That guy's a dick." Jack put a hand on Dane's shoulder, nearly crushing the Exec under the weight of the metal.

"Believe me," Jack said. "We know…"

* * *

 _Author's Note: Explanation! Mikali Blights (as well as the soon-to-be introduced Blight Brothers) are Star Wars: The Old Republic OCs created by the one of the IDA Editors, HellBrooke. You can find them in the Ebon Hawk server, if you're lucky. So now that Dane Vogul's out of the way, who can guess where the Heart of Steel will go next?_

 **EDITOR'S NOTES/ALERT: The IDA would like to take a moment to state that while most of us are talented with writing and content creating, absolutely none of us are able to draw so much as a stick figure decently. So, we'd like to put out a call to all artists out there, we'd love to see whatever work you've got! We're not requesting anything, just curious. Who knows? Maybe you might impress the Heads enough to get credited and promotion! Good luck and enjoy the read.**

 _~IDA Officials, Head Writer Mask and_ **Assistant Editor HellBrooke**


	16. Chapter 15

**Chapter 15:** _ **Blue Sun Rises**_

 **Location: Urbania Lookout Watch**

"Guess who just scored a new beam weapon and got a new Sponsorship!" Travis cheered as he, Jack, Eddie, the Overlord, and Dane exited the elevator to the command room of Lookout Watch, twirling _Deal Breaker_ in his hand. Magnus and Gnarl were simply standing on the side, Sylvia and Murphy were chatting about something, and Cinder… was pounding his head on the table. "We come back in a bad time?"

"Very bad." Sylvia said, watching Cinder continue to slam his head down. "About an hour ago, Cinder received word from one of his contacts where the location of our next target is: the Blue Suns."

"That space gang from that Universe with the Mass Relays?" Travis remarked, recalling fighting such a group earlier today. "They're pretty tough, but we can take 'em easy." He flinched as Cinder smashed his head again. "So what's the bad part?"

"His contact was kidnapped by the Blue Suns." Gnarl said, hobbling towards the table. "He was amidst sending us the information before he was abruptly silenced." The old minion snatched a document from the table and handed it to Jack. "He transmitted his last known location to us just before going dark." Jack examined the document, reading off a list of partially incomplete coordinates, but the general area seemed a little familiar.

"Blue Suns are based out in the IDA's Storage Facilities, eh?" Jack said, folding the paper. "Well, we can go and take out the Suns, but I don't really see the point of getting this contact." Cinder's head shot up, his forehead sore and bloody from the constant bashing.

"Our contact knows the identity of the Urbania Champion." Cinder growled, silencing everyone in the room. "And knowing the identity of ANY of the Zone Champions is extremely difficult due to them being so powerful and secretive." He stood up and paced about the table. "My contact risked life and limb to get that information, and I'll be DAMNED," He slammed his hand on the table. "If I let the Blue Suns get the identity. So you guys," Cinder pointed at the four heavily armed men. "With a small contingency of Minions and Fiends, are going to go to the Storage Facilities and get my contact's information, while Vogul and I draw up a Sponsorship Deal." He eyed Vogul for a moment. "We're still on for that, right?"

"They beat the Challenge and took out a Blight Sibling," Dane casually remarked, shrugging his shoulders. "I might as well. Sure, the Saints will have my dick in a sling, but honestly, who gives a crap at this point?" Dane walked up to the table as Cinder produced a pen and paper, the fiery haired man shooting the Heart of Steel an annoyed look.

"What are you waiting for," Cinder barked. "A hand written invitation from the King of Town or something? Move your asses!" The four men grumbled, piling back into the elevator and traveling down to the garage. Luckily, Magnus had fixed up their vehicles, and the Saints were kind enough to spare a few rides, so everything was set to go. As soon as the Heart of Steel entered the garage, they found a group of Brown Minions and a bunch of Fiends cheering on a knife fight.

"Break it up." Eddie shouted, waving his arms and gaining the attention of the others. The two Fiends stopped their knife fighting and the crowd parted, with Giblet and Mitch standing tall (or in Giblet's case, hunched over) and proud before their de facto leaders.

"I've got about ten men I can spare for this little raid." Mitch said, idly tossing a stick of dynamite. "They'll do whatever you tell 'em, but you gotta be firm." The explosives maniac leaned over to Eddie and whispered in his ear. "Aside from myself and Joe, the Fiends are not the sharpest teeth on a Yao Guai, if you catch my drift." Before any of the four men could ask what the hell a Yao Guai was, Mitch casually waved and turned about.

"You're not coming with us?" Eddie asked as Mitch started walking off. "We saw that shit you did at the Main Road, you've got sick moves!"

"I'd love to, guys," Mitch said, sitting down on a stack of tires. "But I need to keep the other Fiends in line before they do something stupid. You'll be fine on your own." Giblet waddled to the Overlord and rapped his knuckles against his own helmet.

"Giblet has fifteen Browns for Masta." Giblet proudly proclaimed, pointing to a group of Browns standing about, playing with their weapons. "Masta can bring Browns to fight space men, Giblet and Gnarl keep watch over Hive for Masta." The smithy minion started hopping in place, a wide smile on his ugly face. "Did Giblet do good, Masta?" The Overlord leaned down to his minion, his red eyes bearing down into Giblet's own yellow bulbs, and gave him a rough pat on the head.

" **I shall collect more Brown Essence to expand my numbers**." The Overlord boomed.

"You switched into 'evil voice' again." Travis piqued up. All that got him was Giblet bashing him in the knee with his hammer. "Son of a bitch!" Before Travis could swear revenge, the roar of Jack's motorcycle drew everyone's attention, the DeathWatcher revving his bike and slipping his goggles on.

"Alright, saddle up, ladies." Jack shouted. "We've got only a few hours before those Blue Sun bastards beat us to the punch and snag the identity of the Zone Champ." Travis quickly bolted to the Schpeltiger and brought the beast to life. "The Storage Area is just beyond the Main Road, and the Blue Suns might be waiting for us, so we'll have to expect some jackass resistance." Eddie hopped into the driver seat of the Druid Plow, with the Overlord riding shotgun, giving the car horn a quick honk. "These guys might be more organized than our last opponents, but all the more reason to kick their asses!" All around the garage, Fiends and Minions were loading up on rugged jeeps and trucks, handling heavy guns and basic firearms. The engines bellowed a ferocious battle cry, ready to take the road. "Heart of Steel, MOVE OUT!" The Harley, Schpeltiger, and Druid Plow drove out the garage door, six cars in tow, taking to the road and readying for battle.

* * *

 **Location: Urbania Main Road**

The drive so far had been fairly calm, no random attacks or obstacles getting in the way, the wreckage of the Flying Cocoon and the Moonlight Butterfly completely absent, and absolutely nothing causing any problems. That was not a good sign.

 _(Slick: We have an amazing cleaning crew, don't we?)_

 _(Rick: They even cleaned up the destroyed buildings and debris from earlier. Almost like it was… magic?)_

 _(Slick: Is are cleaning crew magic? I mean, I don't know how Meeseeks work, but… Ah, it's not important.)_

"Maybe there's something we're missing?" Eddie remarked, fiddling with his radio. The Roadie swapped between a few stations in hopes of finding something (or at least a good metal channel to lighten the mood).

"I doubt it," Travis said, relaxing in his seat. "The Saints already took hold of the Monarch's bases, and the Blue Suns are probably still at their base, so it's smooth sailing for us."

"Those are just the factions, though." Eddie pointed out. "Don't forget, they still have Solo Fighters all over the place." He rested a hand on the side of his car. "Just weird we haven't seen any yet."

"Probably busy taking each other out." Jack said, chewing on a cigarette. "Those guys are insanely powerful, makes sense they'd take out the actual threats." He turned to the rest of the convoy and shouted directions. "Left here!" The group complied, rounding the corner and almost immediately breaking to a halt. The instant the Heart of Steel turned the corner, they were met with an insane sight: complete destruction. Gigantic craters marked the street and buildings, pavement was cracked, cars were overturned, clean holes were burned through solid steel, and hundreds of bodies littered the road. It was a massacre, plain and simple.

 _(Rick: Looks like the cleaning crew missed a spot.)_

 _(Slick: Never rely on a Meeseeks to get stuff done, even if it is their sole purpose in life to get stuff done.)_

"What the hell did all of this?" Eddie remarked, observing the damage. Jack examined the area, and spotted a single survivor: a Saint in a purple jacket, bleeding heavily. The DeathWatcher drove up to him and saw that his arm was completely torn off.

"Who did this?" Jack asked, holding the dying man up.

"*cough* F…f… Five men…." The Saint sputtered, a dribble of blood running down the side of his cheek. "Powerful… dangerous… They were *cough* fighting each other… We just… Got too close…." Suddenly, a powerful explosion rocked the area, startling everyone in the vicinity. "They're back…" The Saint grabbed Jack by the collar, bringing him close and whispering coarsely. "Get out of here, NOW!" With his last warning, the Saint died, collapsing on the ground as blood pooled around him. More explosions sounded, getting closer and closer with each passing moment.

"What the fuck is going on?!" Travis shouted, trying to keep balance on his bike. Jack looked off down the end of the road, where he could see the distinct outline of something coming this way: A really big armored man on a bigger horse with some kind of four-pronged halberd. "Is that who I think it is?" Only one way to be sure, Eddie pulled out a pair of binoculars from his glove compartment and peered at the oncoming man. The Roadie's heart stopped when he saw that on the figure's head was a black beetle helmet with long twin red feathers flowing in the breeze. And the horse was bright red and might be on fire. And he just knocked a car over with a single swing of his insane weapon with the strength of twenty buff men.

* * *

 _(Recommended… No, absolutely NECESSARY music: Lu Bu's Theme from_ Dynasty Warriors 8)

* * *

"Oh, fuck me," Eddie exclaimed, revving his engines. "It's…"

* * *

 **Lu Bu**

" **Prepare to face destruction, VERMIN!"**

* * *

 _(Rick: And here we have a prime specimen of one of the IDA's strongest Solo Agents. Ladies and gentlemen, may I introduce you to the legendary 'God of War' Lu Bu.)_

 _(Slick: I thought that Kratos guy was the 'God of War'?)_

 _(Rick: Different universe, different culture, genius. According to history, Lu Bu was an infamous warlord that slew thousands of men a day. The one you're seeing right here is one of the Dynasty Warriors, a variety of historical figures from the Era of the Three Kingdoms that have superhuman strength and powers.)_

 _(Slick: Some can move fast enough to run on arrows, some can summon lightening, this one guy could use floating swords, they all have insane powers! And Lu Bu is the strongest of them all. He once took on an entire invasion force by himself with nothing but a bundle of spears!)_

 _(Rick: Kebabs have never been more revolting.)_

 _(Slick: And by the looks of it, Lu Bu is absolutely pissed about something. If getting on Bruce Banner's bad side has taught me anything: it's NEVER PISS OFF THE GUY WHO CAN PUNCH YOU SO HARD IT COULD EXPLODE YOU!)_

Jack immediately bolted back to his bike and rejoined the rest of the group, all bearing looks of worry and fear on their faces. "We need to move, NOW!" Jack shouted.

"You don't have to tell me twice!" Travis yelped, turning his bike around.

" **What's all the panic over**?" The Overlord boomed, cracking his knuckles. " **It's just one man**."

"One man who once kicked a man so hard his torso exploded just because he annoyed him is something worth panicking about." Eddie said, shifting gear into reverse. "And if he's coming this way, there's no telling what's tailing him." The cars vehicles immediately turned around, despite the Overlord's protests, and drove back down the road. Jack and Travis sped ahead of the larger vehicles, more and more explosions erupting across the area. The thunderous hoof-falls of Lu Bu's red steed drew ever nearer, and the Heart of Steel was quickly running out of road. "We gotta ditch him!"

"No shit, Eddie!" Jack shouted, scanning the road for any turns. Just as they reached the Main Road proper, a new problem presented itself as the building in front of them burst from the top, introducing a new fighter. It was a large, muscular man, with a body like red rocks, six metal arms, ash-white hair and burning white eyes. He seemed even more furious than Lu Bu! "Another one?!" The wind rushed behind them as Lu Bu and his red horse suddenly shot in front of them, bellowing a mighty war cry.

"COME AND FACE ME, ASURA!" Lu Bu roared, twirling his halberd with a single hand. The six-armed man leapt from the building, roaring loudly as a wrathful red aura consumed him and plummeted towards Lu Bu. The instant the two were in close range of each other, Lu Bu intercepted Asura's six metal fists with his weapon, the impact of the clash so strong it sent a minor quake throughout the area, causing a few of the Heart of Steel's vehicles to swerve and lose control. Two cars were forcibly crashed by the impact, while the others were trying to get away from the two fighting.

"Great, now that Asura guy's here!" Travis yelped, slamming on his breaks. "That guy is wrath incarnate! I heard he was involved in a battle where he punched the planet in the face!"

"How is that even humanly poss-?" Eddie interjected, pulling back as well.

"In the FACE, EDDIE!" Travis reiterated, watching the two still fighting on horseback. The group had finally managed to get a sizeable distance from the two duking it out, but still needed to get back on track. "Alright, let's turn these tin cans around and get back to…" His thoughts were interrupted when a pair of skinny arms shot past him and Jack, stretching like _rubber_ , and snagged onto Lu Bu's horse. Suddenly, a skinny looking young man wearing a sleeveless red shirt, blue shorts, a straw hat, sporting the most manic grin of all time, landed on the hood of the Druid Plow.

"Sorry, I need to get some foothold." The young man said, his arms stretched to ridiculous distances.

"Hi Luffy!" Travis absent-mindedly said, while Jack shot him a dirty look. "What? He's my next door neighbor, give or take a few complexes."

 _(Rick: Why is Captain Luffy out here? I heard the rest of the Straw Hat Pirates were in the Forest area of the Tournament.)_

 _(Slick: Oh, the simple explanation is who gives a crap? Rubber-man versus the black death and wrath incarnate is AWESOME!)_

" _Gum Gum…_ " The boy said, making sure his grip on the horse was perfect. " _SLINGSHOT!_ " He tugged his arms backwards, and the red horse, along with Lu Bu and his opponent, were flung towards the oncoming vehicles.

"NOT GOOD!" Eddie exclaimed, slamming on his breaks while the Overlord clenched the sides of his seat. The three men found themselves tangled up in an epic brawl as they flew into the air, overshooting the convoy, but accidentally knocked another vehicle out of the way, sending it crashing into a fire hydrant. The Fiends and Minions inside that vehicle quickly clambered out of the car before it caught fire.

"We're okay!" A Fiend shouted. Then the car exploded, sending the Fiends and Minions flying. "We're still okay!" The remaining vehicles once against started back down the road, driving further and further away from the ensuing brawl. Soon enough, the three fighting were just specks in the distance, allowing everyone else to breathe a sigh of relief.

"That was TOO close." Travis said, leaning back on his bike. While the rest of the team felt relaxed, Jack felt something was still off.

"That guy said there were _five_ people who started a Battle Royale…" Jack recounted. "And there were only _three…_ Where are the other…?" A massive gust of wind blew across the road, nearly knocking everyone down from the unusually strong gale. As soon as the winds died down, Travis shot Jack a really angry look.

"And you tell _me_ to shut my big mouth." Travis growled. The winds picked up again, as another foe appeared down the road, a pale-skinned man with pointed ears, red eyes, and silver hair, wearing purple robes and a long purple hat, floating about in the air tossing gusts of wind at a fast-moving red blur that zigzagged back and forth, dodging every blast.

"For Din's sake," The purple-garbed man said, his tone sounding incredibly close to anger. "Just stay still and let my winds RIP YOU TO SHREDS!" The blur stopped moving for a moment, revealing it to be a human man in a skin-tight red outfit, a golden lightning bolt on his chest and smaller ones on the side of his head. He blew a raspberry at the sorcerer and continued running back and forth.

"I think that's Vaati the Wind Mage blowing wind up there!" The Overlord shouted over the roaring wind. "He serves under another one of the Assembly Leaders! His mastery over the winds is unrivaled!"

"Looks like he's tangoing with the Flash," Eddie added. "One of the Justice League heroes! I raced against him one time at the Gamma Storm Grand Prix, that guy can BOLT!" Another gale of wind blew past them, strong enough to shatter the windshield of one of the cars, startling the driver and forcing the vehicle off the road again.

"We gotta get around them if we're going to find the Blue Suns," Jack shouted. "But with that guy constantly zipping out of the way and those gusts fucking up our cars, we don't have a clear shot!" The Overlord's red eyes widened at Jack's choice of words, immediately looking at the Druid Plow's dashboard. Hammering his armored fist on a button, a pair of over-sized cylinders popped out of the hood, tipped with red cones.

" **Leave the shooting to me** …" The Overlord maliciously growled, hand raised right over the firing button. Eddie was tempted to call the Overlord off, worried he'd hit Flash or piss-off Vaati, but knowing his passenger, it would be for the best to let the big guy do what he wants. Giving a nod of confirmation, the Overlord wasted no time in pressing the button, launching a pair of rockets from the car directly at the fight ahead. The whooshing of the missiles was loud enough to let Vaati and the Flash know that they were coming, the two diving out of the way while the rest of the cars managed to make it across the road, finally away from the crazy conflict.

"WATCH WHERE YOU'RE AIMING!" Vaati yelled, shaking a fist. Before the Wind Mage could cast a spell in retaliation, Flash leapt up and punched the purple-garbed man dead in the face, knocking him out cold. Eddie turned around and saw Flash giving them a thumbs up off in the distance.

"Good work on that quick thinking, big guy." Eddie said to the Overlord. The dark armored man simply folded his arms and pouted.

"I was _hoping_ I would hit both of them." The Overlord grumbled. "Better yet, with that lightning rod weapon from before." Eddie chuckled, returning his sight to the road. Jack did a quick headcount on their numbers, they lost four vehicles, but still had enough to deal with the impending Blue Sun battle. Revving his tires, Jack put the pedal to the metal, tearing down the road with the Schpeltiger, Druid Plow, and their escorts trailing smoke.

"Next stop," Jack said, a smirk worming onto his lips. "IDA Storage Facilities, the Blue Suns, and a whole lotta ass-kicking."

* * *

 _Author's Note: Wow, this took a while. The staff was doing a lot of back and forth on who would participate in the first Battle Royale scene, mostly for purposes of showing what kind of people the IDA has in its ranks. Anywho, for those of you unaware: Lu Bu is an actual historical figure, this iteration from the_ Dynasty Warriors _franchise. Asura is from_ Asura's Wrath _, Luffy is from_ One Piece, _Vaati the Wind Mage_ _is from the_ Legend of Zelda _games, and the Flash is a_ DC Universe superhero. _Tune in next time for the battle against the infamous Blue Suns and the reveal of the Urbania Champion's idenitity. Until then, keep your eyes peeled for other updates along the way, and have fun!_

 _~IDA Official, Head Writer Mask_


	17. Dear Readers

**Dear Readers,**

It is with a very heavy heart that I bring you this message to you today, instead of an exciting new update for the stories. In fact… The reason behind our silence for a while is the reason I'm writing this notice to you all in the first place.

Over the past few months, the members of the IDA Writer's Guild have been at odds with each other. Conflict arisen between writers, editors, and creatives had been slowing progress tremendously, not just on this site, but on others as well. Every time someone stepped in to diffuse the situation… We only made it worse before it eventually worked its way up to the top, meaning myself, Chief Editor Jasper T. Critic, and Creative Lead Red Rider. The three of us wanted to bring the fighting to an end, not only to return to writing content, but just because we were a family being torn apart. We worked extremely hard to come up with a solution… But instead we turned upon each other…

The three of us ended up in a heated argument that lasted five days, on and off again, over text and over voice conference, and it only got worse and worse. It even ended up devolving into us just… _insulting each other_ , not even addressing the issues at hand! Just three idiots, who put the whole thing together, yelling and cursing like children! Eventually we finally stopped… And made the final decision. The fighting had become too much, and if we continued on like this… We'd destroy ourselves. So… We ended it.

Dear readers, I am extremely sad to say to you all that the IDA Writer's Guild has disbanded. The members have gone their separate ways, editors and creatives have returned to doing what they wish, and the writers kept whatever projects they worked on. Myself included. I am… so very sorry.

HOWEVER, this does not mean that content will stop entirely! No, I fully intend to see things through! The stories you see on the page here will not remain incomplete, lifeless husks! I brought life to them and I will see them through to the end! Project FREAK, IDA Ultimate Tournament, Guide to the Multiverse, Pimpin' Peace and Perversion, and more on will be completed, I assure you! The progress will slow down, as expected, but the content and quality will remain the same! Just… please take it into consideration that even though the staff of writers is long gone, one still remains to give you the stories you desire.

That is all to say. In a 24-hour span of this message going up, the control of this account will fall entirely to myself, will be renamed, but will still remain the same. Thank you all for being tremendous readers and supporters… And to any former guild members reading this: We had a great three-year run. Thank you all for a wonderful experience.

Until next time.

IDA Official, Head Writer Mask

Mal Masque


	18. Chapter 16

**Chapter 16:** _ **Your Contact is in Another Storage Place**_

 **Location: IDA Storage Facilities**

* * *

"Alright, form up, we're here." Jack called out to the surviving squadron. On command, the two motorcycles and surviving cars slowed to a halt in front of the large walled complex. The large metal walls towered three stories high, lined with electric wire to keep out pesky intruders. Inside the walls were miles upon miles of aircraft hangar-sized storage buildings, where the IDA keeps all their spare weapons, armor, vehicles, and rejected t-shirt designs.

 _(Rick: Ah, here we are at the IDA Storage Facilities, the largest complex of storage buildings in Base Prime, maybe even the Multiverse itself!)_

 _(Slick: Rick, I fucking hate this place. Every time I want to drop off some crap in the ONE locker I've rented out, I get lost for hours! They don't even have a directory to tell you where you are! Who was the architect, goddamn Daedalus?)_

 _(Rick: Well, given the constantly expanding number of factories and groups joining the IDA, more storage facilities are needed to keep their stuff in check. If the information I've been given on the layout of the Facilities, the current size is…)_

 _(Slick: Lemme see that shit…_ _TWENTY SQUARE MILES?! THAT'S THE SIZE OF PROVIDENCE!)_

 _(Rick: There is… a lot of stuff stored here.)_

Heart of Steel and their company pushed the gates open to the facility, peering into the miles upon miles of storage buildings. One of them housed Cinder's captive informant, and the Blue Sun mercenaries: Their primary targets. Jack checked his ECHO, pulling up the map of the Storage Facility, although due to some circumstances, the holographic image was distorting.

"Ah shit." Jack deactivated his ECHO and turned to his allies. "We're being jammed. Blue Sun bastards must've hid a disruptor in one of the storage buildings." The rest of the men, including the Minions, groaned loudly.

" _One_ of the buildings?!" Travis moaned. "Didn't you hear what the radio guys said? This place is the size of a city! It'll take DAYS to find the jammer, let alone where the Blue Suns are."

"That's why we got extra men." Jack said, walking over to the Fiends. "We lost a few guys during that Battle Royale back there, but we still got enough to make squadrons. We'll split into two teams: Team A and Team B. Eddie, you and I will be Team A, taking the Fiends with us and looking around for Cinder's contact. Travis, you and the Overlord will take the Minions and find and destroy the jammer."

" **No one tells me how to command my Minions.** " Overlord grumbled, tightening his grip on his mace. " **I will search for this 'jammer' of my own volition and Touchdown will accompany me.** "

"Uh, question?" Travis said, raising his hand. "Why am I working with the Sauron knock-off to find the fucking jammer and you and Eddie get the fun job?"

"Because I hate you, so shut up." Jack said. The two groups split up on opposite ends of the entrance. "Alright, ECHO probably won't work until the jammer is down, so radio us in once the signal is clear. Good luck and watch your asses out there." Travis gave a mock salute while the Overlord simply folded his arms. The two groups parted ways, each on their own life or death mission.

* * *

"Let's check this one first." Travis said, patting his hand on the side of the first building they came across. The Overlord nodded, gesturing for his Minions to follow, the two came to the small door into the facility proper. The otaku assassin laid against the wall next to the door and took hold of one of his beam katanas. "Alright, there's probably people in there, so here's what I'm gonna do. I'll take point and sneak in quietly, so that way we have the element of surprise and get the drop on those-."

" **URRRRAH!** " The Overlord bellowed, swinging his mace wildly and smashing the door down. " **Onwards to conquer!** " With a rallying cry, the Overlord and his vicious Minions ran through the door and into the building, leaving Travis behind, wondering if Jack really hated him _that_ much.

"So much for element of surprise." Travis said. "Ah fuck it." He unclipped his Rose Nasty blades, ignited them and followed after the Overlord into the building. As expected of a gargantuan storage building, the entire place was filled with tower upon tower of crates, steel or wood, marked or unmarked, large or small, it was packed with tight corridors and limited space. Off in the distance, Travis could hear the sound of the Minions battling, as well as gunshots. "Damn it, you giant metal dumbass." Travis sprinted off to find the Overlord before he could get himself killed, rounding corner after corner trying to make heads or tails of the maze he was lost in. Eventually, he came across the corpse of a human in futuristic blue and white armor with several claw and stab marks all over - Blue Sun. "Well, at least the big guy might be winning." Travis continued his journey, stumbling across more and more dead Blue Sun mercenaries in his path, some beaten, some stabbed, and quite a few sporting serious burns. It took a while, but Travis soon found his wayward companion, hiding behind an overturned crate and issuing commands to his Minions as about twenty Blue Suns took shots at him.

" **Slaughter them all and bring me their heads!** " The Overlord bellowed, waving his mace above his head. Travis slid across the floor to avoid the red bolts soaring overhead and joined Overlord on the side.

"Hey pal, things going well?" Travis said, peering behind the cover. "Say, were those dents always there?"

"In your own words: Shut the fuck up." The Overlord grunted, slumping a bit on his side. A dark red spot had appeared on the armored tyrant's shoulder, slowly growing and leaking red ichor.

"You got shot?" Travis asked in slight disbelief. "I thought that armor of yours made you invincible or shit."

"Small gaps between plates for movement." The Overlord explained. "It's wyrm leather underneath, so a well-aimed attack can still harm me." He grunted once more, placing a hand to his bloody wound. "One of those Blue Suns got lucky and blasted me with those unusual hand-held magic projectile generators."

"It's called a fucking gun, man." Travis said, chuckling a bit. "One of those future guns that shoot plasma instead of bullets."

"If my good arm wasn't bleeding, I would be bludgeoning you right now." A bolt whizzed by and struck the cover, nearly clipping Travis' hair.

"Alright, you sit tight, I'm gonna take some heads." Travis reignited his beam katana and steadily took to his feet. Before he could go, the Overlord grabbed the fringes of the otaku's jacket.

"Leave one of them alive." he commanded. "One of them will know the location of the jammer Cayman referred to. I **will peel him like a** **grape** for information." Travis quirked an eyebrow, but figured it was a bad idea to question the big scary lord of evil. With blade in hand, Travis leapt over the barrier, right into the crossfire and horde of battling Minions and Blue Suns.

"Hey ya futuristic fuckwits!" Travis goaded, his red blades shimmering brightly in his grip. "Let's dance!"

* * *

 _(Recommended music: "Burning Daylight" from the No More Heroes 2: A Desperate Struggle soundtrack)_

* * *

"GET THAT IDIOT!" one of the Blue Suns shouted, kicking aside a club-wielding Minion. All guns immediately turned on Travis, each loaded with high powered thermal energy bolts that have more punch than an average bullet. This was going to be extremely bad… for anyone not named Travis Touchdown. Twisting his body and taking to the air, Travis dodged the shots with such precision and finesse, he looked as though he was dancing around the battlefield. After narrowly avoiding the shots, he made his move once he heard them start reloading.

"Game time!" He shouted. Sprinting to the first guy he saw, Travis slashed at him with the Rose Nasty blades, the red beams cutting clean through his armor and cutting him down. In in a rapid flow of movement, Travis rolled over to the next Blue Sun and pierced both blades through the armored man's head, using raw strength to rip his head off. "Field goal!" Travis yanked the blades out of the head and punted the severed head at a stack of crates. He got lucky with his shot and ended up knocking a loose box and toppled the whole mess atop four mercenaries. He ran over to a Blue Sun being hassled by Minions and, while the mercenary was distracted, snuck up behind, threw one of his blades up in the air, grabbed the Blue Sun, and suplexed him. The mercenary's head was smashed on the ground, and once Travis stood back up, the blade came back down and stabbed the Blue Sun right through his upturned rear and into his skull.

 _(Rick and Slick: Oooooooooh!)_

 _(Rick: I don't care WHAT universe you're from. That's gotta hurt!)_

After the stylish wrestling kill, Travis realized the Blue Suns had him surrounded. He smirked, feeling ready to pull out a trump card. In his head, he visualized a slot machine, ready to activate one of his secret techniques.

' _C'mon, gimme something good.'_ Travis thought. First slot selected: **BAR**. Travis clenched his teeth, hearing the sound of guns reloading. Second slot: **BAR**. ' _Just one more, one more, damn it…_ ' Third slot: **BAR.** _'Bingo, bitches.'_ A dark aura suddenly enveloped Travis, an air of dread clung to the atmosphere that even the Overlord found disturbing.

 _(Slick: Oh SHIT! Looks like Travis just entered a Dark Side Mode!)_

 _(Rick: Wow, you actually remembered what it was called.)_

 _(Slick: Of course I'm gonna remember something as fucked up as Travis' randomized powers. Especially when the last one had a stupid name like 'Strawberry Cheese Brownie' or something.)_

 _(Rick: Heh, yeah, wonder what stupidly named attack he's got next?)_

" _ **Cranberry Chocolate Sundae!**_ " Travis roared, his voice carrying the ferocity of a hurricane. The dark aura clung to him like a second skin, illuminating the assassin in a shadowy mass, leaving nothing but pools of red and white where his eyes once sat. Everyone stopped dead in their tracks as something that was once Travis Touchdown glared at them. With a hollow laugh, the _thing_ pointed at the Blue Suns and said one word: " **You**." In the moment it took for anyone to blink, Travis had seemingly cleared the distance between him and the mercenaries and impaled one through the chest. The beam katana was overloaded with dark energy. The instant it ran through the armored mercenary, he burst in a mass of shadows, not even leaving body parts behind. With the body discarded, Travis went on to the next target. And the next, and the next, the bodies piled up. A third, a fourth, fifth, sixth, eighth, Travis slaughtered them all.

 _(Slick: Rick, buddy?)_

 _(Rick: Yeah Slick?)_

 _(Slick: I take back what I said about the stupid name. That was fucking terrifying.)_

 _(Rick: I hear you on that. That's… going to be in my nightmares.)_

 _Incredible,_ the Overlord thought to himself, witnessing the horrific carnage. _It is as though Touchdown tapped into a hidden evil potential, turning into that savage beast._ What surprised him was when a Minion attempted to kill one of the Blue Suns, but the instant it stood in Travis' way, he swung his darkened blade and cut both of them down where they stood. _He doesn't seem to be able to distinguish friend from foe in this form… Something to take into account in the future._ After watching one more Blue Sun fall to the ground, the darkness encompassing Travis vanished like a roach in sunlight. In a matter of seconds, Travis had killed over fifteen Blue Suns with ease, and yet seemed completely unaffected by it. However, there was just one thing left: one Blue Sun who managed to escape the massacre, and was attempting to make an escape. Not on Travis' watch.

"Last one!" Travis whirled around and grabbed the fleeing Blue Sun, slipping both arms under the mercenary's own in a full-nelson. With great power, strength, and ridiculous pro-wrestling skill, Travis arched his back and slammed the mercenary's head against the floor. "And the crowd goes wild!" As the armored man slumped to the ground in daze, the Minions cheered Travis on as he proudly stood atop several dead bodies.

" **Miraculous work, Touchdown.** " The Overlord said, dragging his mace as a bandage was wrapped around his bleeding shoulder. " **Now, allow me to work my own magic.** " The Blue Sun whimpered in fear as the dark and imposing lord of evil stalked towards him. Blue electrical energy surged from between the Overlord's fingers, his ominous red eyes glowing from the abyssal slits in his helm.

"Oh god, please no!" The Blue Sun pleaded.

" **Reveal to me…** " The Overlord's ominous voice boomed, shaking the foundations of the storage building. " **YOUR SECRETS!** " A burst of magical blue energy shot from the Overlord's hand, wrapping around the Blue Sun's head. The man screamed in pain as the magic bore deep into his mind, heart and soul, tearing asunder everything it could reach with its horrid presence inside. Steadily, a halo of white light began to encircle the man's head as his struggles began to weaken, as though his very spirit and will were being drained from his being. Finally, the halo complete, the Overlord deactivated his spell, the Blue Sun fell to the ground in a slumped heap.

Travis stared at the mercenary in confusion and fear. "So… did ya kill him?" He asked. Suddenly, the blue armored man groggily stood up, like a man after one too many drinks at the bar… or a zombie, even.

"How may I serve you, almighty Overlord?" The Blue Sun said, his voice sounding dazed and filled with mirth, as though he were experiencing a wonderful dream.

" **Tell me where the Jamming Device is located, Blue Sun.** " The Overlord commanded, striding over to the futuristic mercenary. " **Do this, and I will grant you a reward.** "

"Yes, dark lord." The Blue Sun hastily said. "Four jammers are located in four different storage buildings, all marked with the sigil of the Blue Sun," He tapped his armor, pointing at the white sunrise emblem. "Each guarded by about fifteen guards, two in LOKI Mech-Suits. The closest one is in the third building north of our position. Does my answer please you, terrific Overlord?" The Overlord seemed pleased about the new information; Travis on the other hand was taking the news… less well.

"FOUR FUCKING JAMMERS?!" Travis shouted, burying his forehead in his hands. "You've gotta be shitting me! Four fucking jammers, and we gotta smash all of 'em?!" He reflexively reached for one of the beam katanas clipped to his belt. "I'm so stabbing Jack in the taint after this shitshow." The Overlord scoffed at the assassin's antics, and instead placed his great armored hands upon the mercenary thrall's shoulders.

" **Your answer pleases me, more or less.** " The Overlord's voice boomed. " **Now, to grant you your promised reward.** " With due haste, the Overlord grasped the Blue Suns' head and snapped his neck. " **Release of death.** " The mercenary fell dead upon the ground, no doubt with a contented smile on his face.

"Yeesh, dark much?" Travis commented.

"I'm an Overlord of Evil, what do you expect?" The Overlord retorted. He glanced over his surviving Minions and waved his gauntleted hand. " **Loot the corpses, scavenge the area, and collect all the Life Force Essence you can get your grubby mitts on.** " The Minions cackled at their orders and immediately began picking at the corpses for anything of value. A few even took the helmets from the Blue Suns and attempted to put them on their heads.

"Life Force Essence?" Travis asked. "What's that? Some kinda HP Power Up?" The Overlord glanced at Travis, unable to express confusion with his helmet on.

"Oh, you cannot see Life Force Essence." the Overlord said. "Only myself and my Minions are capable of detecting Life Essence from the deceased and harvesting it." He held up his Minion Gauntlet, the ominous orange gem shining in Travis' sunglasses. "Minions are made from harvested Life Essence, and the Minion Gauntlet allows me to detect it, as well as control and manipulate my Minions." A Minion walked up to the Overlord and handed him something that Travis could only see as a mass of air. "In fact, a majority of my powers come from this Gauntlet, passed down from generation after generation of worthy Overlords."

"Huh." Travis said, genuinely surprised. "So, all your evil powers and control over these ugly fucks comes from that Gauntlet?" The Overlord nodded. "Right, so if say… I dunno, _I_ were to wear it…"

"It'd most likely kill you." The Overlord abruptly said, tapping the glowing gem on the Gauntlet. "When I say 'worthy Overlords', I meant that the Gauntlet only selects those with pure evil in their hearts. Anyone else attempting to wield it would have their soul completely consumed." Travis gulped audibly, shifting his gaze away from the Gauntlet.

"We wait many year to find Masta that Gauntlet like." one of the Minions said, passing Travis by while toting a pair of pistols it looted from a body.

"Guh, noted." Travis said. "Alright, well, we better start looking for those…" Travis whimpered like a kicked puppy. " _Four jammers…_ "

"I couldn't agree more." The Overlord said, twirling his mace and pointing it at the door. " **ONWARDS, TO CONQUER IN MY NAME!** " The Minions cheered for their master, while Travis couldn't help but grin. It was like watching adoring fans watching a rock star in action. It would've been endearing if the Minions weren't butt-ugly and the Overlord didn't look like a walking death metal album cover. As they walked out of the building, Travis couldn't help but wonder how Eddie's and Jack's search was going.

* * *

"I just wanna be clear on you with this one, Jack." Eddie said, puffing a cloud of cigarette smoke. "This was a terrible idea." Jack simply scoffed, seemingly undisturbed by the looming gigantic robotic mech-suit tearing into their barrier with rapid laser-fire guns while the Fiends engaged in a firefight with the remaining Blue Suns.

"Well, how the fuck was I supposed to know these dipshits had a giant robot suit?" Jack retorted. "Every time one of those fucking things shows up, I'm never prepared."

"I don't think any of us are." Eddie said, quickly popping out from behind cover to strum a few chords on Clementine, zapping a few stray Blue Suns. "I mean… Who the fuck has a giant robot suit on standby?"

"Eh, they probably found 'em in one of the storage buildings." Jack said. "They keep all kinds of shit here. They have an entire warehouse on lockdown filled to the brim with confiscated WMDs." He ducked as a bolt of red pinged off their cover. "Alright, we gotta take that fucking thing out." He glanced out from under the cover, getting a better look at the giant robotic suit that was tearing into their ranks. Sleek metal armor, painted white and blue with the insignia of the Blue Suns, equipped with a pair of high-powered laser Gatling guns on each hand, large stomping feet capable of crushing a man flat (as was evident when they first arrived), and a single cockpit seat, piloted by one of the Blue Suns themselves. And that's where Jack found the opening.

"Figure something out?" Eddie asked, hands at the ready on his guitar.

Jack nodded. "All these military mech-suits have the pilot sit in the cockpit, with only a thick layer of plexiglass or what-have-you protecting them. With just enough force, that glass can break." With a flick of his arm, Jack's chainsaw shot out, revving and ready. "And that's how we take the fucker down."

"Sounds metal." Eddie said. "But how the hell are we going to actually get close to that thing?" All Jack did was tap the side of their makeshift cover and smirk. "That's all I needed to hear. SOUNDING THE BATTLE CRY!" Eddie unleashed a riff on his guitar, sending the power-boosting wave to his allies. Once Jack saw his mechanical arm turn gold, the DeathWatcher wasted no time in picking up the crate and holding it like a makeshift shield.

"RAMMING SPEED!" Jack roared at the top of his lungs, charging forward with furious intensity. Eddie tried to keep up with him, slashing at any Blue Suns that weren't gunned down by the wild Fiends. The mech-suit pilot saw the rapidly approaching crate barrier and turned his guns on it, peppering it with rapid-fire hot laser bolts.

"Shit, oh shit, oh shit," The pilot muttered as he kept hammering the fire-buttons on his controls. Just as Jack closed in, with a single hand the DeathWatcher swung the crate like a baseball bat directly into the mech, smashing it open and spilling out a crate full of multi-colored monkey-themed stuffed toys. The mech stumbled from the blow, and the pilot only had a moment to react in peril as Jack leapt into the air and landed right on the cockpit window, chainsaw revved and shining golden. "OH SHIT!" With a mechanical roar, Jack punched through the protective plexiglass window and ran his chainsaw into the chest of the Blue Sun pilot, tearing his torso to ribbons, while also shredding the delicate machinery behind him. Jack backflipped out of the dying mech-suit, landing clear away just as the robotic body exploded in a shower of sparks and metal.

 _(Slick: He totally did the hero pose landing after fucking up that LOKI Mech.)_

 _(Rick: I know, that was so cool! Hero pose makes everything better.)_

"Okay, THAT was fucking awesome." Eddie praised, yanking the _Separator_ from the back of a dead Blue Sun. Jack simply scoffed and got to his feet.

"How many of 'em are left?" Jack asked, surveying the recent battlefield.

"I think we got one left who got knocked on his ass by that explosion." Eddie said, looking around. "We can interrogate him for the location of Cinder's contact and-." A shotgun blast went off, the two burly men turning and seeing a twitching Fiend clutching a smoking double barrel shotgun in his hands, standing over a now headless corpse and giggling like a lunatic. "Could. We _could_ have interrogated him." The Fiend cackled loudly, unloading another round into the corpse's chest for no particular reason.

"Shit, drawbacks of having junkie raiders for soldiers." Jack grumbled, watching the rest of the Fiends pick over the corpses for anything of value. "Well, we took out some of 'em at least. We'll get a move on and hopefully Travis and Overlord found the jammer and destroyed the thing." The DeathWatcher started walking off, but stopped once felt he stepped on something soft. He looked down and saw he had stepped on one of those colorful stuffed monkey toys, picking it up out of curiosity.

"Rainbow Monkey dolls," Eddie said, kicking a few of the toys aside. "A keepsake present from the whole 'Gameverse Thirteen Darkness' shit-show a while back. IDA got these memento gifts for helping those kids out along with a chunk of Multiverse territory."

 _(Rick: That was a chaotic couple of years.)_

 _(Slick: Well, at least we got those Dimensional Rebels and perfected the Portable Penance Chambers from that. Plus, those Rainbow Monkeys are dope.)_

 _(Rick: If you start singing the song, I swear, I'm going to-)_

 _(Slick: "Rainbow Monkeys, Rainbow Monkeys, oh so very round and super chunky~!)_

 _(Rick: Oh for fucks sake...)_

"Stela probably would've liked this." Jack absent-mindedly said, examining the doll a bit, a tired, sad look in his eye.

"Huh?" Eddie asked. He hadn't heard Jack Cayman, the DeathWatcher and candidate for the Executioners, ever talk somberly before. After a brief pause, Jack tossed the toy aside and put on his stony face again.

"Nothing; let's move on." Jack gruffly said. "Fiends, regroup and move out." The raiders reluctantly complied, joining Jack as he started walking towards the exit. Eddie spared a glance at the toy Jack was so invested in, recalling the look of a man experiencing a long-lost memory the DeathWatcher had on his face. Eddie eventually decided to do as Jack said and move on, the Roadie sprinting off to catch up with the rest of the unit. They still had more work to do and a LOT of ground to cover. Cinder's informant was here somewhere, and all that stood between them were miles of storage facilities and a small army of Blue Suns.

* * *

 _Author's Note: IT LIVES! That's right everybody, Ultimate Tournament is back in business. This was… a difficult chapter to write, not just for content reasons. For you longtime readers, I'm certain you're aware that this story was once written by multiple people and had a lot of heart and soul put into it. Now that the IDA Writer's Guild is disbanded and it remains in my hands alone, I've had a difficult time trying to recreate lost work. Hopefully I've done well enough that you all still enjoyed the read. Just a reminder: The Blue Sun Mercenaries are minor antagonists from the_ Mass Effect _game series. Anyway, keep an eye out for more updates in the future. Until next time, take care, enjoy and godspeed ya magnificent bastards!_

 _~Mal Masque_


End file.
